Dom Violence Do you ever get past abuse?

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I’m hearing that your ptsd is not that severe as you think we should all just suck it up and deal without even requesting that a loved one help us out.

I speak out of experience. (I don’t think you are.)

Really? I’m so glad you’re able to assess the impact of PTSD on my life based on my views on this thread. That you don’t think I speak from experience, seriously?

My PTSD arises from long term childhood neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, domestic abuse, rape and sexual exploitation. I also had a healthy dose of secondary trauma due to my work place.

At one point I was triggered by everything - loud voices, strong emotions, someone dropping a cup on the floor, my cat walking across the bedroom at night, children laughing, loud music, certain scents, foods, colours and peoples accents and the way they spoke. I’d dissociate so badly I would disappear for hours with no idea where I went or what I did. Someone could pass behind my chair at work and I’d be so triggered I’d have a seizure at my desk. I literally bounced from flashback to flashback for years before I knew what was going on with me.

I know what it is to fight triggers, I know exactly how bad it can be because I’ve been there in glorious technicolour. I have worked and worked on my recovery, I know about healing from PTSD because I’ve fought every single inch of the way to be where I am now. Thankfully I’m not in that place now but it’s not come easy to me, I didn’t have some kind of PTSD Lite, it’s not a badge of honour or a fashion statement for me and I’m very aware I could end up back there again.

And I still maintain that triggers are mine to manage, expecting people to stop ordinary daily activities because I find it hard isn’t acceptable for me, in my life. The OP can take that and do what she will with it. She asked for views and got a variety of which mine was one. I have no idea why you think that allows you to effectively challenge my “credentials” in terms of whether I have PTSD enough to form a valid opinion.

There’s no one size fits all here, not mine or yours but just because my life isn’t falling apart right now doesn’t mean that wasn’t the case at one point. I hold a different view to you, that’s all.

Edited to add
I notice you’ve removed the comments quoted above from your last post, my response to them still stands.
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I talked to my therapist about this, because I have felt better for a long time, although I continued with symptoms. I just thought I was better and I would stay better even though I know this isn't how PTSD works. I started having increased symptoms again and didn't believe that getting better was possible, but my therapist said it was. I manage my chronic pain really well, so I can learn to manage the PTSD well. I agree he shouldn't yell when it triggers you so badly. My ex would do that crap, and he didn't mind that it would trigger me. I hope your husband can control himself, and buy you noise dampening headphones.


Seems like it will take a while. It's been 9 months (holy cow!) since I left mine and just last night someone knocked on my door after I had already gone to bed and my first thought was it was my ex. Even after hearing a female voice, my knee jerk reaction was that it was someone who knew him.


IDK, they told me it was possible from the beginning. I don't see it though? I know I cause it but it seems uncontrollable. For instance, people and their dogs. This is a thing that rises to the level of an actual trigger for me. I stopped by the police station just now, and spoke to the nice officer about how does one go about reporting these sycophants and their miserable hounds when they are on the beach in violation of the law, which of course they think doesn't apply to them. I had to stop using the beautiful beach in my town because of the subhumans and their insistence on letting Fido run off the leash in spite of the law. If, when charged by one of these beasts, I had pulled out a revolver and started waving it around, I'm sure the offending persons would have considered themselves ill-used. So, no. At least not yet. : )


Really? I’m so glad you’re able to assess the impact of PTSD on my life based on my views on this t...

Don’t assume that everyone’s nervous system can heal like yours can, with constant loud noise that constantly floods the system with adrenaline.

Having repeated non-stop jolts to the system is NOT conducive to healing.

The body needs rest!

Your point is that constant attack on the nervous system via noise etc should be put up with. I disagree with you and say that rest is needed to heal, in that the home should be a place of respite.

Did you heal with no quiet safe space? Somehow I doubt that you understand the value of a place that is safe and low on stimulants in healing.
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Ok, this arguing is triggering me. Please stop. I can choose to leave, and I can ask you to stop, but that doesn't mean you have to. I'm going to leave, since I don't want to be too dissociated before therapy.


I’m sorry this thread is doing the opposite of what was intended....I though it was a very good topic and discussion. I’m older and maybe in a different place but I don’t expect my abuse and trauma to “heal” as in go away. It’s part of me but does not need to dominate. In a good environment I am 80% better. As for the is part of who I am and a partner or friends..can just help me. A funny comment recently from someone who commented everyone has idiosyncracies.....mine barely registered to them.

In the future I am going to ask for what I need..I don’t think it’s too much. Not saying otherwise for you and I would be interested in hearing your T’s perspective.

Take care, Whirlwind


Has anyone left and healed to the point that they don't experience this amount of fear for no reason?

This amount for no reason?- Yes.

It was on my mind today, it's 13 years to the day (well, actually I guess Remembrance day would be it, since that time for the 1st time I forgot it was Remembrance Day til late night, that's most of all I can remember), that of a period of days following hiding out in a basement, fearing for my life, the cold concrete floor on my face, nothing to eat or drink or bathroom, getting a weekend alone- the relief; moving a bunch of lumber I think, trying to reach out for help for the first time in desperation, though I did not have it in mind.

What a difference these 13 years have made I think, as I sit here in soft clothes, with food if I want, and a bed, in a warm home, with different relationships to the people involved, including a world of difference in their behaviours.

I wish I could forget totally about it, but I suppose that's not entirely possible.

However, I could use the difference to know just that- the difference.

So I add, I am very grateful. Though some part is hard to wrap my mind around- the reality of it; the difference; the fact I couldn't envision it happening; the fact I had no intention or plan or way to get help.

Best wishes to you xox @piratelady .
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I also thought of something else @piratelady - isn't it strange how there are, or can be, or may have been, so many competing wonderful memories in life, yet negative memories and triggers have such an effect?

I heard a song that totally depresses me, and reminds me of a horrible loss in my life and that time. But I thought, there are so many songs- sometimes we can turn them off, or change them. Doesn't mean we need to turn off all music. :hug:


Thank you for taking the time to reply @Junebug. I've been thinking off and on about your post over the last few days.

I do wish I could forget all those bad memories, but I think you're right, it's not possible.

I think it's great that you can look back over the previous 13 years and see the difference, compare then to now, and see how far you've come. I try to do that, but lose sight of it, even though my therapist is constantly reminding me. Maybe that's something that improves with time?

But I thought, there are so many songs- sometimes we can turn them off, or change them. Doesn't mean we need to turn off all music.
I really like this and I want to try to remember it.

Thank you again for your reply :)


Hi @Junebug and @piratelady - just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the conversation on your last posts. @Junebug - I think what you said about changing the song, not turning off the music was one of the most brilliant remarks I've ever heard and thank you so much for sharing that thought!
@piratelady, speaking for myself and only my thought of course, I don't think you really get over domestic violence/abuse; those type of traumatic imprints on one's brain are permanent.
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