Poll Do You Feel Guilty For PTSD Related Behaviour?

[Tinyflame]

I have tremendous guilt over how ptsd (or my "own" decisions/actions) caused pain/worry/difficulty for my family, parents (and they have been dead 25 and 12 years ago, respectively). Also, shame. This also applies to how I feel that I was not able to help them. I can't really verbalize it properly in words. Yes, I also feel like a tremendous burden, and feel that by my "nature" I will burden anyone close to me, and have a huge fear it will increase.

I take note of your post Jim- yes, I guess it increases with stress, when you are "down", not enough sleep,triggers, etc.

I know that there is something more to express and clarify this, but the words escape me.

I wish you and Evie and (all) your family peace and healing - you sound like a great Dad and a great family.

 

[Antahkarana]

I feel really guilty especially when I can't handle my childrens tantrums (i have 4 little kids). I don't like it when i have an outburst. I never ever would hurt them but i can scream and start crying and no kid should see that.

 

[shiraz]

yes, often .... it is a feeling of initiating frusteration, anger, sadness and desperation in another as I struggle to understand how to live and cope with PTSD. I feel that it is unfair on him, that he has enough to deal with just by being himself and that I add to his despair hugely. I feel as if I should be able to be a better support and life partner for him and this generates a huge amount of guilt and shame - if he knew I felt this way, it would anger him that I think of myself so lowely as he affirms his love for me daily ... I know that when I begin to see myself as he sees me, and accept who I am, that all this will dissipate.

 

[jeapea]

I am torn between feeling guilty and ashamed because my family guilts me and shames me. Or.. is part of this due to their treatment and lack of support.... I am confused a lot of the time. All I know is that they want nothing to do with me.

Ever.

 

[Ravenn]

I quite often feel guilty about things I do or say when I am in the middle of a [for lack of a better word] crisis. I also understand how badly your daughter must feel about herself when she comes to a more calm place. Especially if you are close. It is good that she has your love and understanding and someone she can talk to, though. I'm sure she appreciates it tremendously...

 

[cragger65]

I do feel guilty about my handling of things, particulary after the break down. I did and said some things that were very shameful, and I still have a hard time accepting myself. As my therapist would say, I am my own worst critic. But, I still try to understand that I was quite f(*&cked at the time. It's work for me

 

[Cindy]

guilt, but can't change the past

As I dealt with the breakdowns and the pendulum swings I was raising my daughter. As she approached her teen years it had a large impact on her perception of me and on our relationship. She is now 23 and had matured to a point where she doesn't necessarily 'blame' me for a screwed up life but I regret the effect it had on her.

But, I also know there is nothing I can do to change it.

I also feel guilty when it affects my current life and the obligations I have now. Part of my issues are with my Mother, who is 87 and I am her caretaker. There is no point in clearing the air because it will not change the past or change her at this point. So each Sunday when I bite my tongue and play the happy caretaker it is all I can do. Some Sundays, I totally ignore her most the day when she is visiting my home. I know it's rude but I just can't deal with it when other parts of my life are stressed to the max.

Both guiltsI just have to live with. I try to accept them and not swallow them. Some days are easier than others.

 

[RubyNicole]

I feel guilty. I was traumatized starting at a very young age by my father, who was separated from my mom. At my mom's I was horrible. I bit, hit, scratched, and pulled my brother's hair. I often made him cry, both from my physical and emotional attacks, despite he was 7 years my senior. I hit my grandmother, who was very kind, with a tennis racket. I yelled constantly. My mother was afraid of me.

 

[PainX2]

Very guilt ridden. Right now I'm trying to deal with the guilt over having to be off work until September. I can't seem to get up the courage to call my boss even though I'm required to as part of the Short Term Disability program.

 

[Cynthiatoo]

Yes I do, but if I had found people like on this forum or my family had found a source of this info and supported me, then the guilt would not apply.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I feel guilty for having this.

I feel like I should have made better choices for dealing with my traumas.

I feel guilty for not realizing I had this all these years.

A friend of mine keeps reminding me 'feeling guilty isn't the same as being guilty' but - if it feels the same, what does it matter?

 

[Iam]

I understand....I "feel" guilty too. Guilty for not having broken the cycle. Yes...I did better with my children than my parents did with me (I have no doubt my mother at least suffers from PTSD and probably my father too) yet I was unstable. I tried so hard and did good in some ways, but my depression and suicidal behavior affected them. How can I not feel guilty.

How would you know that you had it BIW? You are not guilty for having it or for not having had it diagnosed. We are always told..."feelings are just feelings, neither right nor wrong. Nor do they indicate truth". My T also reminds me that I did the best I could with the tools I had, both as a child and an adult. That is truth and I am sure that it is true for you BIW and every other sufferer of this awful disorder.

The key is we do know now and can learn to manage it. Just like someone with diabetes or like my husband with his heart disease. We can learn new tools. It isn't easy and there are times we want to quit, but we are survivors, we are strong and we can be better than what we were before we knew what was wrong.

(((HUGS))) to everyone on this thread.