General Do You Get Used To Symptoms? Or Just Learn To Accept?

[ProudWife99]

He did explain to me, but just took my asking as a bad thing. I Just want to feel free to ask questions in this topic. But usually I really don't have to ask because we usually talk about where the money went before any questions have to be asked.

I've learned over time that there is not a single subject I can "feel free" to ask about at certain times. The same with my husband about asking me things. As we're both supporting someone and suffering from PTSD the road can be twice as bumpy and takes that much more care to travel over.

It's almost become intuitive for me to understand his moods. I know it's only because of the amount of time I've spent trying to understand them. I don't ask him any "heavy" questions when I know he is in a mood. I know this is difficult concerning finances, but in the early years I really did learn how to let things go. I cared less about where 50.00 bucks went then about avoiding a big blow up and taking three steps backwards in our relationship. Sending comfort your way!

 

[BloomInWinter]

We're learning the hard way to deal with this stuff on a regular basis rather than just 'pop' it on each other.

The first 30 minutes in the door is now off-limits for anything other than emergencies to give ourselves 'grounding' time.

When there is an issue, he or I try to state it succinctly.

Connect first (sit down, eye level, put hand on his arm or his hand on my arm or hand.) State observation or request. Ask for feedback. Then, let it go.

"I've noticed ___________. I think we might try _________. What do you think?"

It looks like this;

I'm laying in bed. He comes in. Sits down. I sit up. He puts his hand on mine and looks me in the eye. "I'd like to put ____ into the bill for ______. I'd like to have your paycheck send ______ to the ______ account. Would that be ok?"​

​

*gut clenches...taking deep calming breaths....process...feel his hand...think....respond*​

​

"Ok. Remind me to do that."​

​

"Ok."​

...and we change the subject to something pleasant.

It seems to be working to help us both do better 'detail management' and communication without triggering.

 

[Middle of Nowhere]

((((OH BLOOM))) ((((Mrs.T))))

Your words are wonderful and your spirits are beautiful. You give me hope that we can learn a better way.

 

[BloomInWinter]

....awwww... *shucks, now*

 

[Mrs. T]

:) thanks

Since we're giving compliments: Bloom in winter, every time I read your posts, there is always such wisdom and experience. I always find your posts helpful.

 

[Pale Warrior]

As a newcommer to this forum it is all a bit overwhelming when I read of others experiencing the same situations and emotions I have on a daily basis.

We are 12 years into his PTSD and while I have spent much of that time challenging his symptoms, at the same time I have been learning to accomodate many of them. It I expect him to work at something I need to reciprocate and give him time and space.

Time, time, time, babysteps, 2 forward one back, more time. Trying to create work-arounds, not jump on his screw ups and relapses, holding back my frustration till I have to hide out and swear in the bathroom. Indulge my escape fantasies for 10 minutes, breathe deep, roll my shoulders and .... give him a hug.

 

[ProudWife99]

Time, time, time, babysteps, 2 forward one back, more time. Trying to create work-arounds, not jump on his screw ups and relapses, holding back my frustration till I have to hide out and swear in the bathroom. Indulge my escape fantasies for 10 minutes, breathe deep, roll my shoulders and .... give him a hug.

This gave me goosebumps. It can be overwhelming, but sometimes someone on here says the perfect thing at the perfect time to remind you you're not alone. Thank you.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Thank you Proud Wife. By the way, love the name.

I am deeply proud of my man. He has come so far this past 12 years and when I reflect on where he was, where we both were, I can see what a transformation has taken place.

Power to all of us supporters out there. Taking strength from the good moments and carrying it forward to fend of the demons, loving the sunshine of a smile or a kind word from a stranger.