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Do You Hate To Get Your Hair Cut?

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I am growing my hair out from a short haircut. I really miss the convenience of having short hair. I have so much more to dry now and comb out. I really miss the wash and wear cut. But I really want to have long hair again.
 
Haircuts have become almost a sacred ritual for me. My female alter gets horrible dysphoria if she feels I have not followed the step-by-step instructions we agreed upon to the tee. I have cut my own hair for close to 20 years, first a flattop and now a shoulder length grunge. It got worse and worse as I got older. After my breakdown in 09, I simply could no longer bring myself to let anyone touch my hair.

I have regular recurring nightmares about hesitantly letting someone cut my hair. They hand me a mirror and I am horrified to see they have given me a regular man's haircut. Since I started trauma therapy my mother has verified the horrible recovered memories I have of my father cutting my hair in our basement when I was small. She told me I reacted so violently it finally became impossible for them to cut my hair at home. They had to take me to the barber so Dad could hold me while the barber clipped. Writing this now I am getting a chill thinking about the buzzing sound and seeing the huge clumps of hair fall to the ground.

A few nightmares suggest my feelings about hair are somehow related to the sense of vulnerability I feel along the left side of my head and neck when I sleep but have not recovered any memories about why.
 
I have a woman who cuts hair very good. She is working with me to grow my hair out and trimming it so it will catch up. With the right person I do not have a problem getting my hair cut. It is so much longer now.
 
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