Do You Like To Be Hugged?

[Marlene]

With people I know, trust and I'm comfortable with...yes, I love to hug and be hugged. It's one of the best moments in life to connect on that level. At least for me. With people that are the opposite of what I listed above, I won't even let them come into my space.

Lisa

 

[cragger65]

Personally, I love being hugged now, again by certain people. Even my T gives me a hug now and then, which I absolutely love and it feels so right. A year ago...? Naw, not so much. It's all about safety and trust.

I hope this doesn't sound too lame, but you can give yourself a hug in your own heart. I try to do this for myself when I'm feeling off, as a healthier substitute for beating myself down when I'm down. Even imagining a big, kind, healty warm hug from "someone", whoever that person is in your mind, is good for me.

I feel for you so much. I didn't get hugs growing up, but I didn't get the BS you got either. Lord help us all. Just please be patient with yourself, it is a slow unfolding, but it does come.

 

[2notbedefeated]

With those I know well Ilike to get and give a hug, as long as it is not a hinting of and thing beyond just a hug (not one that leads to sex). I still have a hard time in with my husband. I feel bad for him and I hope things will better in this area so he and I enjoy physical intimacy, Right now it too "ify" I get trigger if the comfortable hug begin to lead to more. I get into the fear factor when that happens. I hope one day to get to that place or peace, comfport and safety over sexual isses,

They are a huge block and trigger, and I feel so bad for my husband. I do the best I can, to deal with it. I like hugs from certaing people oI know are safe

 

[ugly]

Thank you all for your responses, there is hope. I am not ready to give up on that one yet. They took a great deal from me, and for many years I've allowed that to happen. But now I'm ready to fight, I want a FULL LIFE!

Big words right, for me they really are, not even a week ago would I have even given thought to the possibility of such a life. The beginning is to acknowledge the desire.

My Friend Beatle, again you blessed my heart with your kind words and your willingness to be real and share a part of your story. And thank you for the reminder of how great the hugs are from the youth I work with. Tonight with every hug I thought of you. Thank you for seeing beauty in me.

ugly

 

[goingonhope]

How I Feel About Hugs:

• If there's been any real signs, observations or evidence that the hugger is generating any sexual energy whatsoever, then I'd loathe a hug from them, nor wish to ever give them one.

• If the hugger is my husband and he's brimming with love, passion and sexual energy, then come and get me honey, scoop me up and take me away. Don't want to neglect to mention here that with or without any passion, I Always, Always, Always enjoy when my husband hugs me.

• Now, ...........I find the average person I know or meet these days is not generating sexual energy, and dripping with lust for man or womankind, they are just being themselves. Anyone of these people I'll offer and/or receive a hug from.

• The hardest hugs I've given and/or received are the ones where the other is willing to accept a hug, or offering one, but their whole bodies from head to toe are hard, as rigid and tense as one could imagine. I worry about them as I fear and imagine how on earth did this ever come to be. I feel disheartened and sad, and wish life for them could've been different, as I suspect something/ someone and/or life has hurt them so and taking a huge toll on their emotions and is now stored, armored and/or protected within their body.

• I like to give my children lots of hugs and so does my husband. Some people are different then others in their giving of hugs. Some like my husband and his father, they hug firmly, I on the other hand like to hug gently and for just as long as our children want or could use a warm, loving hug. I hold on to the hug and take the cue from each when it's time to let go.

• I like to give hugs. I always ask first.

• I'd never hug another child besides my own, as I like to communicate boundaries - loud and clear. It's really nice when children can be and feel safe. My own children feel safe in my arms, but intuitively I know that this would not necessarily be so if it were another child. I don't care if there my cousins, relatives or who they are.

• I like to receive and give hugs from nearly anyone in pain, suffering, lonely and/or grieving, especially the elderly, as we all deserve affection and it's medicinal for all.

I use to be petrified of hugs, as even a sincere one truly hurt more then it ever helped.

Hugs were to big of a contradiction to how I felt and thought about myself and others to once ever enjoy a hug; Such a contradiction would emotionally throw me off balance, and fill me full of emotional pain, fear and flashbacks.

 

[ugly]

Hi Goingonhope,

WOW, I loved the way you broke it all down and how deep you went. I think it showed that being able to hug someone goes so much deeper than just being friendly.

I have told my close friends how I feel about hugs and they (mostly) respect my boundaries, but I can see it in their faces that they simply don't understand how I feel. And this hurts, I don't think it's so much that I am misunderstood as it is that they take a hug for granted.

At first it confused me, was I putting too much emphases on hugs? I guess it could be my need to feel safe, and that is what a hug should be right, a place where you feel safe. Or maybe it's as basic as I desire it because it was taken from me. And at last maybe it's just a manifestation of feeling the need to be hypervigilante...no rest...always looking for the monsters...that's what I really want to lay down, will life ever feel carefree again?

Thank you everyone for your post, broken has always meant loneliness, until now.

ugly

 

[raku]

hugs or not to hugs

I've gone around the circle on this one over the years. Coming out of an abusive childhood, I was cautious about any touching, since it was not a positive experience. After getting some therapy and making some new, adult friends, I became more relaxed about hugging and even started to enjoy hugging friends. But after becoming involved in a church where hugging was the group norm, I found myself being expected to hug men whose hands roamed and whose body language was clearly sexual. But when I refused to hug them, they accused me of not being "comfortable with your body".

Had the sense to leave that church, but the effects linger. So now I'm back where I started, uncomfortable and cautious with the whole business of hugging. I now hug people only if they initiate the action, and even then only hug their shoulders. I never hug people from work, ever. There just seems to be too much confusion about the role of touch in our culture. I would rather not venture into the gray areas where everything is subject to misinterpretation and people with poor boundaries can pursue a non-consensual agenda.

 

[freya]

Ugly, your words touched me, because of your honesty. Seems to me you are willing to face your pain, and I think from there on you CAN move forward (not that I'm sure, or an expert, it's just my thought... I hope it's true for myself, too...).

I like to be hugged but only by people I really like and trust. There are some occasions where I feel embarrassed to avoid hugging a person I do not totally trust and I'm looking for ways to deal with that. There are some people that I would never want to hug and that I'd clearly state I don't want to hug them, also.

I thought it so wonderful that you say you have that image of being wrapped in a huge hug that feels so safe. That's what REAL and healthy hugs are about, as I see it.
I think that if you can have and hold that image I think you will be able to find your way back to that. In your own way and your own time. I'm hoping for that, anyway!

 

[LosFrida]

For years I hated it-if anyone tried I would simply tense every muscle in my body and sort of lean into them, counting the seconds until it was over.

Today I don't mind hugging close friends or select family member but only if we both agree to it- I don't like being hugged without being asked first, and I still find initiating physical contact somewhat triggering (but if I ask the other person first it feels okay).

 

[wattle]

It's okay for my family(children and hubby) to hug me, I love their hugs, although hubby did cop an earful before Christmas when he came up behind me an hugged me, I freaked out over the surprise.
Strangers and friends though, not a chance, I dislike intensly being touched by anyone other than my family. I had a moment at the shops a couple of weeks ago, I usually sneak in and do my shopping late afternoon when it's fairly quiet, a young girl I used to help at school years ago, she has downs syndrome and is in her twenties came running up and full on tackled me...I still haven't been back to the shops.
I have trouble saying no though, people come in for the hug, I freeze up like an animal caught in car headlights.....just wishing they'd let go quick and leave me alone.

 

[Kunoichi]

I give hugs and love receiving them if its by a friend or family member.

However, before I give a hug, I always ask. Sometimes I get a "no" and I'm ok with it. So I think they should always ask (especially if its a stranger or acquaintance).

But I like "real" hugs....not obligatory ones that some do...I like the ones that make me feel like I"m human and not still just a tool.

 

[Jestadud]

I don't like the "Hello how are you" hugs or the "by nice seeing you" hugs.

But if I see someone sad and upset, I'd find it impossible not to want to give them a hug.

Jesta