Do You Say Something Then Obsessively Worry About It?

[UmightKnowMe]

Hmmm...how do we stop doing this? That IS the question isn't it? cuz it definately is not helpful behaviour. My therapist is always telling me to stop ruminating. And also that I need to trust myself. That I have good instincts but I don't believe in them.

Like I think that I am 'not like other people' and so constantly I am comparing myself in my mind to what I imagine other people are...and trying to measure up. Life seems like something I am just a playactor in...and that I have to 'get it right'. But I am told that there IS no "right"...it all just "is". As long as what I am doing isn't morally wrong I have nothing to worry about. To accept that everyone makes mistakes and I am not special in that and my mistakes are no bigger or more glaring then anyone elses except in my own mind.

She has told me of several instances lately where people have mentioned me to her and commented favorably about me...that I am doing a great job 'out there' but I just don't know it or won't accept it. So...maybe I need to trust her, I already do, I know she would not lie to me or keep something from me, that isn't how she operates. Perhaps I need to treat this like a bad habit and replace it with something else. Affirmations? Maybe I will try to remember a few that I have heard from others and write them down and when I catch myself doing this say STOP and tell myself the affirmation intead? Does this seem like it makes sense?

 

[katapuss]

Yep makes sense though I would say the best affirmations for you will come from in you. I was wondering if this rings true with any of you. In my childhood my abuser was my stepmother my Dad who's job it was to protect me didn't. Because he didn't protect me thenI never learned hopw to protect myself. It left a big gaping whole in my psyche where protection should be. I am only now learning to protect myself. When I grow this new part of me then it will be the protective force agaist my critical parent and then my inner child will learn to trust me and reliquish the need to ruminate. Thats my theory. Anyone else here lack the protective role model?

 

[UmightKnowMe]

Yup I am right there with you....i never learned to protect myself or to trust that anyone else would protect me either. I never learned to nurture myself, nobody gave me that kind of care. I am very aware of this huge hole in my being. Sometimes it seems like a black hole that can never be filled. I am constantly seeking out someone to take care of me and reassure me and all that. I know that now that I am an adult it is me that has to reparent myself...but I am feeling not up to the task a lot of times. My inner child doesnt trust me either. I have tried to do different exercises and get her to come to 'big me' and let me take care of her but she won't come with me. She is very wary.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi everyone-

Yikes, I made the biggest mistake at 14 and decided I was not only "adult enough" to protect myself, but all the adults, too (was disastrous). I absolutely lack the ability to protect myself, and in a relationship/ interaction sense it is also disastrous when people have lousy intentions. I also was told a "mixed-message" that "it's ok when someone is drunk" (well, actually:"He's drunk"- as though THAT explains it- when they are sexually assaultive, etc.) when I was 9 or 10, and I just recognized and challenged that thought a short time ago. -No small wonder why we are "wary", I think!

When it comes to positive affirmations, I just can't do them.

 

[midi]

all the time! oh man, i can worry and worry over one single statement--but i try to catch myself with a talk down:

if my intent was sincere, and the person takes it as negative, then i can't take it personal. if i was being a jackal, ok, i admit it and accept the consequences.

how to protect the self? put the self first? that's hard. i'm trying to see things from both mine and other people's perspectives, so i don't get so paranoid or reactionary. one day at a time...

 

[cragger65]

Just stumbled upon this thread - whew!!! it's not just me! I used to be obsessive to an extreme degree, not as bad now, though I know I avoid people much more than before because of the feelings of inferioity and agonizing questioning that can follow. I work on letting it go sooner, rather than later now.

 

[pandora]

I try to overcome the constant worry with these statements......


That person (the one I am ruminating about what they said) is at home with their own family, living their own life and this conversation probably has not even crossed their mind again.

Number2.....I REALLY am the only one worrying about this!!!!!! I need to stop worrying, focus on me and stay in right now, today.

Not to say it always works but it has helped.

 

[Auburngirl]

I absolutely do this! Not all the time, but definitely often. I try not to, telling myself that what's done is done and beating myself up over it won't help.