Not in the cards. PTSD is a brain chemical/neuro-pathway permanent change. I some ways, my symptoms have got worse, much worse over the years.
Managing the symptom's, especially anger and irritability, and destructive outburst meaning to take myself away from the precipitators. I've learned that if I push myself beyond a certain point, and feel that feeling that something bad will happen. I'll throw something, break something, end up cursing, put the old fist through the wall, rip the cabinet door off . . . whatever.
I don't go out of the house except to get meds or to the Dr every once and awhile. I'd go out more but I cannot tolerate cities and I live in one. My body has got so fatigued from the insomnia, and continually fighting to be productive even when dealing with all the bad stuff PTSD brings with it . . . nightmares, lack of trust, depression, lack of intimacy, fear of intimacy, no friends, trouble thinking straight, trouble making the right decision, disassociating, anger, hostility, lack of trust . . .oh ya I said that, all those things take a toll on us PTSD'ers. Ultimately, or so my therapist tells me, organ systems, and the body as a whole starts to wear out. Thus, now I am chronically fatigued almost all the time.
Before the CFS I used to get a break by getting in my car and driving up into the mountains. Now I don't have the energy to do it. Bad stuff there, eh. I had great plans for retirement . . . build stuff, go places, maybe go back to University, write. I sit in my room, read, play computer games, give my money to good causes and try and help people by writing stuff on forums like this.
Often, when I've been feeling not horrible, I've entertained thoughts of volunteering to help someone somewhere. Volunteer counseling, psych. nursing, whatever. Then when I can't even fill out a form for a training course I realize how impossible it is. I've been invited by friends to teach at Christian home schooling in history 'cause I've read so much of it. I would have loved to do that. But I knew that with feeling okay one day and then sick for a week I never could have done it.
I bought a collection of readings of the New Testament, and listen to them. So I am learning it. I've listened to it so many times I could tell you if Christ performed this miracle or that, what the Pool of Bethesda is, the parable or the wheat field, what and where Jacob's well is, how many generations there were before the Jews went into captivity in Babylon, how many generations, they were there, how many generations they were in Egypt, and how many, after Moses lead them to freedom . . . that's easy, 14 generations for each one. I can tell you when Paul was converted from the persecution of the Christians, how, why, what he saw . . . how many of the original twelve apostles survived to die of natural causes . . . one. John.
I could almost quote what John the Baptist said when the Pharisee came to him to inquire if he were the Messiah. And what he told them when they asked that if he were not the Messiah what were his preachings. "A voice in the wilderness, crying out. Make straight the path of the Lord."
It is good enough, then, that I learn the Word . . . the most beautiful words I know to be written are those that begin John . . . and I would think so even if I were not a believer.
Joh 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Joh 1:2 The same was in the beginning with God.
Joh 1:3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
Joh 1:4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men.
Joh 1:5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
I've also learned that most people are very confused and don't know what the bible teaches, why people deny Him, that as a historical document it is the most reliable history of the age. Even the Greek historians are nothing compared to the accuracy of the New Testament. I've read them. I know. I've learned that the Bible is seen by many as myth. Not so. The New Testament is the writing of testimony, just what it says . . . the witness of every day common folk . . . no nonsense folk, just like you and I, who saw stuff never seen before . . . not myth not superstition . . . superstition, in the sense we know it started hundreds of years later. No ghost, goblins, etc.
But belief is not the subject of this thread so I beg your forgiveness for rambling . . . as I do ramble so.
