Do You /should You Disclose Everything In Therapy?

[Lucycat]

I have started this thread, after reading a similar one one the PTSD Forum. There Anthony is quite clear that everything matters, no matter how trivial/boring/irrelevent it may seem.

I am quite uncomfortable writing this. But be assured Rory knows everything so if he chooses to log on and read it will not be a surprise to him. Perhaps just disappointed that I have shared it.

As shame is something that is hard wired in me- at the moment, I will start by saying that I am ashamed of my behaviour. As yet I have not shared this with my T. I don't want to. But in view of Anthony's comments I think maybe I should.

About 11 years ago I had an affair. I will call the man Fred. He was at the time Rory's best friend. The four of us went out together - yes he was married too. Fred's marriage was on the rocks, I was his shoulder to cry on and things went too far. Rory and I split up for a wee while. I actually told Rory about it myself because I could not stand the deception, and yes, the shame that I was feeling.

We got it back together, moved far away and started afresh. He has forgiven me- actually says it was never my fault, Fred should have behaved better. I feel that Fred and I share the blame, we both knew what we were doing was wrong. I haver never seen or heard from Fred again, although we still have mutual friends. I know his marriage did finish.

I am just unsure whether I need to tell my T? Bear in mind he is Rory's friend. He is very discreet and never discusses me with Rory, and never discloses anything. I trust my T completely, but still hold back with this.

I guess when we first moved here I was worried that every wife would think I was going to steal her husband. I have always got on better with men than women, and other than Laura, tend to spend my time - if I do go into the pub- sitting and talking with the men. I have been told in the past that I am one of the guys - an honourary man!

I don't want to tell my T if I don't have to. But if it will help me get better then I should.

 

[leanne1321]

It certainly makes it difficult when your T is Rory's friend, but from a professional point of view and my opinion, I think it's better for your T to know. The main thing is that Rory knows, you're forgiven (although I don't think you've forgiven yourself yet) and you two are still strong.

 

[Lucycat]

For better or for worse I have just done it. Told all to my T in an e-mail for him to read in the morning before he comes to see me in the evening.

I just hope it is not too much information!

 

[Muzikluvr]

I think you've done the right thing, Lucy. :thumbsup:\

It is bothering you. Shame is one of those contributors to our symptoms and the more we can reduce our feelings of shame the better for our symptoms.

No doubt, this affair is increasing your symptoms,:trapped: and will until you work through your emotions about it.

So, Kudos for sharing it with your T! :applause:

 

[leanne1321]

Exactly, I think if you have to ask, deep down you felt you needed to share with your T.

A huuugge well done:applause:

 

[kimba]

I agree everything needs to be shared because you'd be surprised how one thing can be related to another and you never saw it the way your T can. I am finally at a point where I have told what I remember and am dealing with things as they come up.I'm glad you told and I know deep down you probably are too!

 

[Lucycat]

After my e-mail telling him my shameful secrets, he sent a lovely caring reply, full of compassion and understanding.

When he saw me last night, he mentioned it, not the details but that I had opened up to him and shared something very difficult. He also threw in the mix that we all make mistakes, and I guess I needed to hear that too.

So, for any others thinking/ worrying about telling something, I would say 'go do it'. It is quite liberating to get it out.

 

[leanne1321]

I'm so glad that he was so understanding, you must feel like a great weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

 

[Heather]

lucy - Good job!

I've told my therapist really embarassing things/stuff I'm not proud etc. I also think it's helped me to develop my trust with him. Especially since he hasn't gasped in astonishment at some of the stuff I've said :eek:. The really hard stuff I've written down and have given him.

 

[kimba]

I'm glad it all worked out!:)