Do you talk to the other parent, the one who didn't protect you?

[Strugglingsaks]

i know what youre going through... my mom is great but i will probably be angry with her for not helping me through the csa and abuse forever.

 

[Mach123]

They are all dead. We are the older people now as our youngest is 20 so, it's our turn. None of it is easy.

 

[PTSDin it]

Hi guys,

In my case my father was the abuser, but my mother did nothing to stop him, sided with him, c...

Omg I can completely relate. My mom passed away when I was a kid, and my dad continued to rage. Sibs apart from one I convinced that punching your 25-year-old daughter in face when a date kissed you goodnight isn’t normal, to move. Even prior to that, that sis thought that nothing was really wrong and that she vaccilates from “I was living there to protect you” stance to “I was saving for a condo”. I was constantly blamed for dad’s behavior, grief over our “saintly” mother blamed, and then I was hounded to be by his bedside every min when he was dying. It was horrible-brought back so much trauma. My sisters have photos of him at their weddings as their profile pics now, as if nothing happened. I got married without any of them there, and the idea of him giving me away or participating gives me goosebumps, even now. Wow that’s rich-you’re bi-polar. Look, even if you were, none of it would justify your dad’s behavior, or your mom’s. I think that people live in denial because it’s easier. I don’t think my mom was a saint bc she covered for my dad, and she hit us, also. I was sick all the time w a treatable illness in my early childhood, and my parents refused to take me to the doctor. My mom shook me really hard once when I was 7-8 in the bath bc I told her I told a nun I had better read books outside my grade level bc my dad would give me the strap if I brought home baby books.. she was enraged that I would “tell anyone what goes on in this house”, and I think I did say it to her to test her. I knew if we were hiding it, something must be wrong.
You’re not alone, and I’m sorry you have to go through all of this! You might consider not contacting her for now. My friend had to do this. Similar kind of dynamic with her parents but more emotional abuse. Dad sends insane scathing emails and both screwed her up so much. Lol her mom told her -as if it justified it-“the plumber thought you were mean”. Huh? It’s ok to feel compassion, and totally ok to be angry. Good luck to you.