Poll Does Anybody Have Displaced Internal Rage?

[Invisible-Guy]

[My rage makes me feel powerful and in control if "threatened"]

I feel threatened pretty easy too. Sometimes physically, but also just feeling as if I'm a side show at a circus, like there's this transparency around me that tells strangers how messed up or "weird" I am. Kinda easily go into a defensive mode (physically or emotionally)

 

[Invisible-Guy]

I'm actually having a little bit of a set back right now. Gonna go into the hospital of my own volition so I won't hurt anybody. Sucks being locked up, but I haven't hurt anybody in over five years and want to keep it that way. Nothing's as horrid as the realization that you've just injured some guy over some trivial act.

 

[just me here]

Anger turned inwards is depression. Yes, I sometimes blame myself for things I had no control over, part of that is the lack of control, part of it is whatever it was that happened. I start thinking like if I had just done A, B wouldn't have happened, so when C D and E happen I am sometimes in a rage of internalized anger, just another way of saying depression and self loathing.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I have a lot of internalized emotions period, anger included. I was recently in the ER for massive anxiety and no one believed it until they saw the results for the EKG, my heart was hammering. I don't react outwardly with my anger or emotions often, I used to, my last house had holes in the wall and in a door. But at some point I just stopped, me yelling is out of character now. But that doesn't mean the rage isn't there. Most of the time I'm so angry I could happily scream until blue in the face and it seems like I'm angry with everybody for no good reason at all. At some people for caring about me, others for using me, some for judging me, and the rest for not having to deal with what I deal with. Most of the time I'm screaming in my head because I don't know what else to do with it. That's some serious anger and most of my world doesn't deserve it.

 

[Shellbell]

I have internal rage and feel like I just want to scream sometimes. And mayby get a whole pile of plates and smash them against the wall one by one.

I think my rage is internalised into depression and self loathing as well.

 

[matthios]

I think my rage is internalised into depression and self loathing as well.

Absolutely, a million times over. This.

 

[Invisible-Guy]

Somebody was asking me to clearify on rage, yes, internal and/or externeral rage. 'Whether or not you act out on the rage' I guess I should have said. I meant as an emotion, not necessarily an overt action. I'm getting better at regulating negativity, but I sound like a nut because I'll often check myself out loud. I'm hoping for those regulators become an automatic response like before the PTSD, but it's taking a lot of time and work.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Yes. If people trigger my anger it's very hard for me to keep myself from yelling or being sarcastic or mean. Sometimes I think I've held back enough and only communicated that I was angry. And then had someone approach me and tell me I'd actually really let the person have it. It's like an explosion. And I don't feel better until I can release the energy.

 

[Invisible-Guy]

I learn to burn off energy on a bag. I had to make myself a rule though. I'm not allowed to visual a face or someone I'm upset with. I practice techniques and keep it more mechanical so I don't reinforce violent behavior. I know this sounds weird, but it's actually been helpful this way.

 

[Invisible-Guy]

I gotta say, I have a little right now. Sometimes I Feel That The Moderators Get A Little To Carried Away Sometimes. I didn't post this as a dig on the moderators or to cause any conflict, but part of the illness is the impact on our cognitive functions. Myself, I feel that it has been a little bit inappropriate at times. We are all in a similar situation and are communicating to help each and ourselves through some tough circumstances. Content is important to me, grammar is not that important. A typo, spelling error, or incorrect punctuation means very little. What's important is the quality of the conversation.

It just seems like the focus should be more centered around people that are being offensive or mean spirited instead of turning such a great opportunity into a spelling B. Again, I don't mean to anger any of the moderators, I'd just like to know what's important to others on this site. I just feel like we're here to help each other, not teach English. I don't need a constant reminder how much of my abilities I have lost because of this illness.

 

[anthony]

This is your last warning. Moderators enforce a policy that has been built on years of experience. Bitching and whining about site policy that you cannot influence or change, is counter-productive to the community, thus I have been nice so far, though your next rant will see you banned. I have little issue in simply removing members who feel it their obligation to piss and moan about site policy, which just causes more issue than good. You can't change it. It isn't going to change because of its foundation for existence. The discussion is irrelevant.

Don't say you haven't been warned when your account is banned permanently.

 

[Invisible-Guy]

You need to back off and let people express their concerns.