Does Anyone Else Cry When They Are Given Gifts From The Heart?

[HelenB]

I have just spent that last few days at Ellel, and it has been an emotional and pretty hard few days, and at the end one of the ladies who has been supporting me and giving so much to me told me she had made a present for me. She had made a box with a pair of woollen socks in, which she had made specifically for me.

When she gave it so me, I just felt like she had blessed me so much, and know that in myself I am still struggling so much to believe that I do deserve anything like that and all the love and support and time they already give me, and in that moment it just felt so much, and really made such a difference to me.

I am still working through so much, but do know in so many ways that the whole way I feel and how much it really does mean to have people who really do know and love all of me - including all those parts which I have alway hated so much and tried to shut out, just makes so much difference and I do know that I do have to continue to keep working on it all even though it is so hard.

I kind of wanted to share that and wondered how it also makes others feel when they know there really are people who love and accept them so much, even when they are so real, and for myself do just thank God for the support and ministry which I am able to have there.

Helen

 

[RussH]

Helen, one of the wonderful things about meeting people on a forum like this; as long as their post are honest, is you cannot be prejudiced by the outward appearence whether you will like them, or not like them. I have never seen you, but I know your heart, and the kind of person you are. You deserve all the love, support, and the wonderful woolen socks (I'm so jealous:) )you have received.

You, my dear lady, are a blessing.

As far as your question; all it takes for me is a nice compliment or a genuine heart given smile to make me cry.

 

[HelenB]

Thank you so much Russ.

 

[HelenB]

Btw Russ, you also really deserve the genuine heart felt gesture and smile, and as much as you can on a forum am sending you one now.
Helen

 

[RussH]

@HelenB Thanks Helen, Ok so now you have me tearing up so I can hardly see the screen:)

 

[bell]

Personally, having people accept "all" of me is kind of a mindf*ck. Usually I try to drive them away because it feels so good it hurts when people accept me for all my flaws and nicks and scrapes. But, I've discovered that once you do a bit of healing, you can start peeling back the corners of the sludge of seeing that you are worth it, if only for a second! Then those seconds become minutes, which is where I'm at now. Crazy stuff, huh?

 

[HelenB]

I agree that it is crazy stuff. I know so well that when it comes to anyone else at all, that they really do deserve it, but do still find it so hard for myself. I agree that the gradual process of healing does start to change things, but know that receiving this gift and all the time and ministry they have been giving me, really heightened for me how much I still do hate myself so much and feel that I do not deserve it, but know that the continued love and support which they give me, really does help in this, and at least for the moment I am in a place where I do want to be able to be able to learn to be able to not hate myself and be so continually angry with myself, and do know that that little girl inside me, really does deserve so much more and really is not as bad and crap as I always so strongly feel. Sometimes hating myself and feeling like I do not deserve it though just feels so much easier, as if that little girl deserved so much more, the pain of all the hurt and everything which happened is so much greater, but I still do know that part of my healing is learning to accept the grief and loss too, and work through this, and that realising that in fact I did not deserve all the bad things is such an important part. I wish that was as easy to say as do, but suppose at least being aware and wanting to work on it is a start, until it all gets too hard again and I run away again into the self destruct and everything else it brings with it.

Helen

 

[HelenB]

Russ - My like for your post was not that I liked the fact that you were tearing up, but that I am glad that you really did know that I meant what I said, and hope you are truly able to be blessed by it.

Helen

 

[RussH]

@HelenB I knew you meant it, and it does bless me. It also demonstrates just how easy I respond emotionally to positives shown toward me. Pretty sad isn't it?:)

 

[HelenB]

Not sad. Real. And that is important.
Helen