Does Anyone Else Feel Like An Outsider In Chit Chat?

[Deleted member 1860]

deleted

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I posted in Employment and Education that I was facing redundancy, and asked for support. To date 1,422 people have read my post and only one has responded. How depressing is that? But it's not personal, it's the way forums are.

I would have responded but I am an unemployed disabled loser so I stay away from the employment forum.

 

[Hashi]

...I am an unemployed disabled loser so I stay away from the employment forum.

Beg to disagree. I have a disability and am soon to be unemployed. Neither of us are losers.

I like what you said, though, about how you would have replied - thank you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I mis-spoke.

I am disabled AND unemployed AND a loser.

Please don't take on personal (ie self-directed) insults as your own.

 

[Hashi]

I am disabled AND unemployed AND a loser.

Please don't take on personal (ie self-directed) insults as your own.

I didn't, and I'm sorry if I gave that impression. I just meant to say that you're not a loser, any more than I am or anyone else. You're here and still trying - you haven't lost yet, and there's no reason to think you will. So, not a loser IMHO.

 

[JustBe]

I agree! I like hanging out with you SOL and I don't hang with"losers"! :P

 

[Abstract]

I am a socially adept person who is terrified at the mere idea of chat in this context. I am the same in t or in treatment groups and when symptoms are playing up I am the same with anyone I care about. :O_o:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I have a feeling the real world sees me as a loser. A specific segment most definitely, but I won't bring politics into this ;-)

Those thoughts that I'm not employed so I am nothing. Those thoughts that I am mental so I am nothing. Those thoughts that say I am a burden and bring everyone down so I must isolate.

If I was a cat I could be humanely euthanized. They only do that to humans who have murdered. Sometimes I wish I was a cat.

 

[Abstract]

ScaredOfLonely,

I have recently been reading up more about negative ways of coping. There are so many more than I thought and my mind is still struggling to cope with the new information.
I have beaten a very long eating disorder and other things so understand many of the concepts of healthy coping.

But one type of negative coping skill I have learned about is thinking negatively about myself and about others.
If I run myself down it gives me power over that and I do it before others can do it to me. It maybe makes me feel more in control than I did when a child. If I think badly of others intentions, trustworthiness and opinion of me then it keeps people away from me and that way I don't risk getting hurt by letting people in and caring.

This was quite a push to try to compute but I do think there may be elements of truth in there for for many of us.

Even hanging onto the negative can be a way of not being dissapointed by believing in the positive and then being let down.

I say this with the greatest kindness and care but what I can see here is that you are stuck in that negative place and almost seem afraid to let it go and trust in something different. You almost seem to feel threatened by people pointing out that they like and value you.

It makes me very sad as I wonder at how you have been hurt in the past so badly that this is where you go to. :(

I am glad you posted this thread as it obviously took courage and hope that you can start to throw off the awful indoctrination that whomever it was saddled you with.

 

[Shellbell]

ScaredOfLonely, I stay away from the employment section on here as well as it reminds me that I can't work. I feel bad that I can't help financially support my family.

I also stay away from the supporters section now as that makes me feel worse that I am unintentionally affecting my husband and children. And I really struggle with that.

I am also struggling with the whole 'wow I have a permenant psychiatrict mental illness'. It comes over me in huge waves of despair sometimes. But then I have to get back to remembering that this was not my fault. Other people caused this. And the PTSD and everything happening is a normal reaction to trauma. But it really hurts.

I don't see you as a loser. I see you as a survivor who is getting help and is struggling with some of the same things as me.

 

[Springer80]

ScaredOfLonely,

I have beaten a very long eating disorder and other things

If I run myself down it gives me power over that and I do it before others can do it to me. It maybe makes me feel more in control than I did when a child. If I think badly of others intentions, trustworthiness and opinion of me then it keeps people away from me and that way I don't risk getting hurt by letting people in and caring.

:tup: Many congratulations on beating the eating disorder! Must feel like walking on a different planet.
And thanks for the little gem of wisdom. It's something I'm grappling with. It's the kind of sentiment that you 'know' and hear quite a bit but for some reason when I've tried to apply it before it's never got any leverage. I think it's nearly there. thanks.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Springer. Thank you. :) I am quite proud of it actually as it has taken me almost 30 years to do so. Actually just being able to be proud and say it is an acheivement too. :) I think I would have been afraid to say that in the past.

And then ED was gone and all this reared its ugly head as there was nothing to hide behind anymore.

I haven't quite managed to get my head around the negative coping stuff either but it is starting to drop in a bit more after all this recent reading and someone else explaining it to me from their perspective.

Pete Walker talks about the "outside critic" I think. Or something like that.

It seems counter intuitive doesn't it? Thats why I could not understand it. Why would I make myself feel that awful. But I guess we fear worse in some way.