Does Anyone Else Find Period Pain Triggers Flashbacks?

[HelenB]

Recently I have had a lot of things coming up and have been connecting a lot more to the pain of the abuse which happened to me, and within flashbacks have been suffering with massive pain which is like period pain.

This week I have had my period, and this time have been finding it very hard when I have period pain, which has again been bad this month and in so many ways it connects me to the pain which I was suffering in the flashbacks and triggers so much else in me. In myself I find it very hard as I feel like it should not trigger anything in me and it is so hard to not feel so angry with myself for not just being ok and being able to cope with the pain, but at the same time I really am trying to not allow myself to be so angry with myself and thought it would help if anyone else had any similar experiences and would mind sharing with me.

I hope that is ok. Thank you
Helen

 

[Echo]

Hi Helen, whilst I've not had anything that I could directly attribute to period pain, not since my CPTSD flared up, I do have a history of terrible period pain, with vomiting every month for some years of my life. Nowadays, the pain I feel is localised elsewhere, though still in that region - ovaries, vagina, lower back pain radiating out into muscle masses that include cramp-like pains, though not just in the womb. I do think there is likely to be a link with my history of abuse and my history of gynaecological problems.

I think we store so much pain and disgust in our bodies. When, after ten years of not being able to find words for what had happened to me, I told my then boyfriend that I had been raped, his immediate response was to refuse any longer to have sex with me. He became obsessed with porn and had numerous affairs, all of which he lied about. Within weeks of his turning away from me, I started to feel lumps in my belly which grew very fast, in the space of 7 months, into very large fibroids. I now feel I had totally internalised the pain of rejection and had buried my rape (and the then unknown child abuse) very firmly back inside myself. I feel that pain is a form of self-punishment in a way, or at least, pain that it is not socially acceptable to speak about.

Of course, it is all such a small area down there, and is bound to remind us of pain we experienced whilst we were being hurt. How horrible that you are finding that it triggers you. You really, though, have nothing to blame yourself for. I hope you can address it with your therapist very quickly. Good wishes, Echo

 

[Hashi]

I've found that any pain can be difficult because it makes me think of trauma pain, and I start thinking how much worse it was during trauma and how did I bear it... I also think about what the pain represents and find it hard to think about what I went through. It doesn't help to do any of that so I have to work not to, but it isn't easy.

I've sometimes found that pain in the present can quite literally connect me to past pain, in the sense of my body working through things somatically. Something that hurts a bit in the present might intensify out of all proportion and it takes me a while to realise that this is some somatic processing of the trauma.

The thing that helps me the most is tending to my current pain. I'll use either hot water bottles or gel packs from the freezer (I've experienced so much somatic pain I have lots of both in case I need them). It eases the pain, and it helps to reinforce that I'm in the present in a different situation and can do things to help myself.

It sounds like acceptance of what's happening is particularly hard for you. I'm sorry you're going through this. I do think it's part of the process and agree that there's nothing wrong with you for it.

 

[Hope4future]

I can relate. Each month during my cycle, I find myself more easily triggered. I get through it by constantly reminding myself that nothing bad is happening in the present. It's a hassle, but the body does what it needs to do and fighting it doesn't help.

I agree that tending to the current pain helps reduce the level of distress. It's also good practice in being kind and gentle with yourself.

I hope this helps, knowing you're not alone.

 

[WillowMarie]

I can get very bad period cramps/pain. I can get very angry/irritable about it, and often I feel strong urges to self-injure when I have bad cramps. I do not have any memories (that I can recall at least) of anything that would make me react this way. So maybe my cramps just feel that painful to me that I can't handle it.

I take advil as well as use one of those stick on heating pads, thermacare, that last up to 8 hours, so it works when I am out and about or at work. I have also read that drinking caffeine can worsen period cramps, so I rarely drink caffeine as well.

I am sorry you are going through this. Period pain sucks. You are not alone in being upset that you can't "just cope with the pain". I have felt upset that I can't just handle it like all the other people. I never knew someone else that would get so upset like I do because of the pain. So now you and I are not alone in this anymore. It is a comfort to know that it is not something that only I have to deal with. (Though I would never wish it upon someone!) But it makes me feel less alone/damaged knowing others have trouble handling their cramps, too.

 

[HelenB]

Thank you all so much for your comments and support. @Hashi you are right that I am finding acceptance very hard at the moment. For so long I have refused to allow myself to connect to all the pain and all the emotions, and in so many ways, even though I know that it is the only way forwards, I do still find it very hard, and it is so hard to not just go back into that massive self destruct for even letting any of it matter, as yet again that was another of my coping mechanisms so that I did not have to deal with the pain.

All you comments about looking after myself now and helping to ease the pain I do have now, I find so helpful. I do know that I do have to look after myself and that it is so important to actually let myself matter and that it is OK to be finding things hard, just wish it wasn't as difficult to do. I have always been the kind of person who just copes and forces myself to get on with things, and even when I was in labour with my third child, just dealt with the pain so well that the hospital did not believe I was in established labour and kept me in the waiting room for a while, until I insisted that they gave me a internal, as I knew I was pretty far gone and they realised I was seven centimetres dialated and finally gave me a room, where I had me daughter very soon afterwards.

In terms of where I am today, I know that the pain of everything which has happened to me is for the first time really coming up so much more, and though I do know very well that it actually is progress, because all these things do need to come up, it is still very hard, and when so much is triggering into that too, it makes me feel so much like I just want to hate myself again and not let it matter, as it is just so hard to even know any other way of coping with it all.

Again I know that does not work, and that the most damage which has been done to me has been the ongoing damage I have always done to myself because I have hated myself so much after everything which happened, but it is still so hard to change the coping mechanisms which I have had for a lifetime, and actually beginning to feel and process the pain feels so difficult and a very very scary thing to do.

I am seeing my therapist today, so am going to talk through this with her too, but do appreciate your comments and feedback so much and really appreciate yo all taking the time to reply to me and support me.

Thank you again
Helen

 

[Barconian]

I think we store so much pain and disgust in our bodies.

I think you are right

 

[Deleted member 24866]

YES. I have been struggling with a hormonal imbalance for 3 years. And they go hand in hand !!! (never the less I still have hope I'm gonna get this shit beat.. learning so much through personal education vs. repeated failed attempts via docs.