Does Anyone Else Get Anxiety At Parties?

[Lacey101]

After dealing with verbally abuse in-laws, It's very hard for me to go to paries even with my own famiy, and feel I have a sense of idenetity. I wonder if what I'm waering represents me enough, am I tryignto fit in too much, am i going to upset the waters if I wear something that isn't the common color of black????

Also is the pressure to DRINK by my in-laws.I was adopted by very conservative parents. My biological father was an alcoholic and when he abused me, he smalled like beer almost consistently. So it gives me uncontrollable anxiety to be around it. I've also almost been raped at a party when i was pregnant 3 years ago by an old drunk guy. how do I manage this??? I want to go out with my spouse to parties with his friends but it seems impossible with this fear.

AND it's gotton worse! I feel afraid to leave my house sometimes in general. Do i look pretty enough for the girls around me? Are they going to judge me? i used to not care at all, but with the cruelty i encountered with my in-aws, i feel like its hard to be myself again.

 

[wallflower]

I feel the same way about parties - this is why I called myself "wallflower". I dread the thought of standing awkwardly as everyone else around me strikes up conversations and chats with others. I have always felt out of place at parties and like I don't really belong, even with my "friends". It never occurred to me that this could be a part of PTSD.

 

[shell]

I hate parties, I hate socializing because I'm unable to feel comfortable talking to strangers and I hate being close to anyone. The last party I went to, I left early after making some excuse about feeling unwell. I tried to get my husband to stay without me, but he wouldn't and insisted on leaving.

The only way I enjoy a party is to get slightly drunk, as I lose all my inhibitions. The only problem is when I drink too much, while I'm very happy and outgoing, I have a tendency to make an idiot of myself.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

HUG. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. You have alot that you are dealing with. Are you in treatment? Do you have anyone you feel safe with? If you do you could ask the safe person to go with you.

I decide before hand how long I am going to be somewhere. As for clothes wear what you feel good in. If you wear something that makes you feel good you will have more confidence.

I had agoraphobbia many years ago, and I was afraid to leave my house. I don't know what helped me to feel better. I had to go places like it or not. And I slowly got used to leaving.

Socializing is hard for me. I stand around and don't know what to say to people. I have been sober for 3 years so drinking is not an issue for me anymore. I hope you feel better for getting it out of you. i hope you find what works for you and learn not to do the things that don't work for you. i hope this helped.

 

[Barberian]

Parties? What is this strange activity you speak of? (humor)

 

[Lacey101]

Thank you so much for your support! I feel I am gradually coming back to myself--- but the thoughts of past judgment still linger and I wonder if people judge me. I guess thats the root of it.--- accepting that others judge me and REALLY not caring???

 

[Belle]

I guess thats the root of it.--- accepting that others judge me and REALLY not caring???

Yes that's the crux of it really. As for parties maybe you could say you drink cocktails? These could be made non alcoholic or with a really small amount of vodka and lots of fruit juices and slices of fruit. I do this (drink cocktails but maybe with too much alcohol!) and it becomes a topic of conversation plus straw and stirrer and fruit bits to fiddle with if I don't feel comfortable :)
Just wear the colours that make you feel happy. Have someone with you to start at parties who you can trust and have a sign or phrase in case it all gets too much and you need to leave. Good luck (((hugs)))

 

[Anna]

I also get anxious at parties. It puts me in a position which makes me paranoid. It is very uncomfortable.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I have a really hard time in crowds too. I've found that if there's at least one face I trust it gets better but I still have the fluttery anxious feeling. I get it at church, the store, the mall, the airport, concerts, movie theaters etc... I've wondered if I have a social disorder because it's so bad. For me specifically(because I KNOW this technique isn't for everyone) I found the only way to make it better was to force myself to face it. Over and over again until I was used to the feeling. I still don't like it, but at least now I can do it. :cautious:

 

[Lacey101]

@lovenever I also get it at the super market because men can stand so close to you in line you can hear them breathing!!! and I get it at the mall in the city I live because my in-laws are a different culture tna me which is predominate here... so i get these ugly looks and ignored when I go into stores here. it's not my fault I'm white!
@ Belle & Gizmo, thank you so much for the tips... I will try them :D

 

[Loveneverfails]

@lovenever I also get it at the super market because men can stand so close to you in line you can hear them breathing!!!

I always panic when that happens. I start counting just to take my mind off it and take a step forward or to the side with a look so they get the message. I know it's a little 'witchy' of me but I'd rather be thought a up tight person than having someone in my personal space. I get the demographic thing too. My kids are adopted and both are biracial so I always get those nosey, unkind looks when I have them with me.

 

[Lacey101]

I've had people tell me to tell them "excuse me" and put my hand up. I think predators are scared of people who speak up but like intimidating people who are soft spoken. But it's hard to do it.

As far as the racial looks, I totally got those when I was pregnant and my husband is obviously not white --- from older white people. I just thought they cant really help that they were from a time when race was such a huge deal. it's sad and unfortuante, but it doesnt bother me. MAYBE i should look at those stupid girls that way also; they cant help that theyre stupid, they were brought up that way, engrained with unacceptence.And maybe they just look because I'm different from them not because im not good enough. who knows.