Does Anyone Ever Get The Feeling Of Saying What You Want To Say But Can't?

[CBX9]

I get this feeling a lot it's like my confidence is at an all-time low. I might say it a different way or just forget about it altogether. It's like an irrational fear of something. Like right now! I wanted to say something else but I couldn't. I don't like sounding stupid or looking retarded at all. It's just gibberish when I do. I have to stop and think before I say things.

 

[franciemarnie]

I don't know if this kind of thing happens to you or if this is what you're talking about but for decades I unknowingly dissociated in conversations if the other person was being unkind or angry or cruel, or if there were certain subject matters brought up. Later, when I was back to real time, real space I'd think back to the conversation and think - OMG! Why didn't I respond in this way? When I didn't understand I had PTSD and how it manifests in me, these situations really brought me down and lowered my self esteem. Now I am more aware.

Other times I am just not articulate as I normally am because I am mostly in the non- verbal part of the brain for some reason.

Other times I've had buried emotion that needed to get out and it felt like it sort of impeded whatever activity I wanted to focus on until I got it out.

It's natural to look back on past performance and think how it could have gone better.

It's the human condition.

 

[maddog]

I struggle enormously with this CBX9, to the point at which exploring and processing through my difficulties of this nature has become a focal point in therapy at the moment. It is a form of freeze survival response that has been warped into a more generalised response that kicks in even in the absence of actual or real threat. I think at heart I have an ongoing terror of being looked at, of revealing myself, of being the focus of attention, and an ingrained belief that to speak at all, for any reason, is a magnet of danger and harm.

So so often I vow that I will talk about something, be it big or small, and when the moment comes it is as though my brain literally empties of words and I become silent and awkward and struggle to put any words together at all, let alone the ones that do justice to the thing I want to say. It is terribly terribly distressing to actually want, desperately, to talk about something, and not be able to, and sadly it is a twisted sort of trigger of all of the aloneness and abandonment feelings thatI try so hard to overcome.

Not really sure if this is what you meant, but if so, I very deeply relate. Continuing to chip away at it in a safe and validating environment is the only real solution I've found to date, and while it's slow going, I see and feel flashes of improvement that give me at least a little hope that some day I may be able to share my inner thoughts and feelings without the suffocating shame and fear that hold me back today.

Maddog

 

[cdg]

Yep. It becomes a habit unfortunately. Like being over tactful to a fault.

 

[CBX9]

I don't know if this kind of thing happens to you or if this is what you're talking about but for decades I unknowingly dissociated in conversations if the other person was being unkind or angry or cruel, or if there were certain subject matters brought up

Other times I am just not articulate as I normally am because I am mostly in the non- verbal part of the brain for some reason.

Other times I've had buried emotion that needed to get out and it felt like it sort of impeded whatever activity I wanted to focus on until I got it out.

This definitely sounds about what's going wrong with me. Only I'm having trouble letting my emotions come out. It just builds and builds until I can't breathe. Almost like a suffocating feeling. I either suppress it or do something that keeps my mind off of it if possible. I have been to therapy and I did let out some emotions I were feeling but I didn't notice any change, like, at all. It's kind of weird how It's hard to let out emotions around people you know than it is around people who you don't know.

 

[franciemarnie]

When I can feel emotions that need to come out, it can be difficult - to put it mildly - to get them out. Sometimes for me they seem to manifest in migraines and/or stomach pain or GI tract dysfunction or TMJ (anger for me) or pain in my feet and even what feels like what my mom called growing pains when I was little. (I'm 56.)

Then I have to take action. There is one empathic, unconditionally accepting person in my life I can talk with and that sometimes gets it out. (I'm in between therapists.)

But a lot of the time when I am alone music helps me access the feeling and relieve the pressure. For anger, I work out and sometimes box it out.

It makes sense given out backgrounds, but no less difficult!

 

[CBX9]

But a lot of the time when I am alone music helps me access the feeling and relieve the pressure. For anger, I work out and sometimes box it out.

Sounds like you've got really good coping skills. I should have developed more and better habits when I was younger so I won't feel so trapped in my mind somewhere. Like creative, relaxing activities. I'm trying to express how I feel on paper now thanks to ashdawn's motivation. :) Maybe I'll see some change in me sooner or later.

 

[Abstract]

Huge, huge, big problem for me too and so in so many and creative (sarcasm aimed at self) ways.

Thanks to you all for sharing.

 

[CBX9]

@Abstract I can't tell if you're making fun of me or don't believe me or whatnot but I don't like sarcasm...:( It's very rude when aimed at someone I'm hoping you're not a verbally abusive person...

 

[Philippa]

It might also be because the world is Soooo incredibly P.C these days that you cannot say anything without offending somebody or there being a misunderstanding, especially online. But yes, to answer your question I have had that issue at times. I usually think of what I should have said hours later and kick myself for not saying it. It's extremely frustrating.

 

[Philippa]

@Abstract I can't tell if you're making fun of me or don't believe me or whatnot but I don't like sarcasm...:( It's very rude when aimed at someone I'm hoping you're not a verbally abusive person...

If you go back and read what Abstract said, the sarcasm was aimed at abstract, not anyone else.:)

 

[Abstract]

CBX, thanks for asking. Like Phillipa said I was being sarcastic to myself! Not to you. If you read it again you will see it says that.

"Creative" is normally something we use for something positive but I was saying I am terribly creative in the ways I find to not be able to say what I want or need to.

I dissociate and can't speak, I think I am going to speak and my mouth can't move properly, I speak but my vocal cords don't work, I talk and my words come out like tangled spaggetti, I just can't get the words out, I try to write and can't, my brain empties and I can't think of what I was going to say.... etc. You get the idea I am sure!