Does Anyone Has A Brain Meltdown And Episodes After Therapy?

[IrisL]

So my last "therapy" more like counselling ... Is seemed for me after the "session" it wasn't anything else just to trigger the f' out of me, which resulted a week serious depression.
Attacked my mum to how she could not attention - she worked hell lot on the time, she trusted in my stepdad... Asked her how she not noticed... She couldn't answer for it - she is every each day she is awakening and go to bed with these thoughts... Trying to push her to go to therapy too...


Okay that's my mum... So after the "session" my brain got f'ed up pretty much, when before I handled my situation - okay I was depressed but I could numb it or tried to not to be... And after the session like my brain exploded ...on the next day I almost couldn't go to work. Had a great luck to I could go an hour later to work because we weren't busy. I'm an assistant manager in a patisserie...

I'm wondering is it because the counseler was that shit or I'm in that bad condition ?
If I'm managing more or less the things, than why a 30mins set me up for a week? And my brain went nuts!!!! I thought now I can't speak with my mum, can't accept the apology of my mum.

Or was that I went back to be as a child?

I'm even thinking about it how old Iam... Emotionally.
And have no clue... If you stuck at the age when my stepdad started to do the things with me... Than that would be 7years old, but if I see my emotional intelligence before had shown a 7-10years in advance...than in that case is around 14years...
Sometimes I'm thinking what would be my emotional intelligence of the shit didn't happen?


So but to the point what's your opinion on that counselling is my flaw or the therapist? Or what's happened there?
The only thing which I never asked or more likely notes to myself I was the only kid (between 4) who had that, he didn't touch any other of my brothers or my sister... My sister is understandable because he told me "you can't do that with your own daughter is not right"and I believed everything....now a lot of times I see he just got together with my mum because to he can manipulate me to whatever... And he did when I was 10-12 I went to him or knew when he wanted it... More likely because I was afraid I will get punished, because when he didn't get what he wanted after he acted with me ignorant... Nobody really cared .... Why me?

And please be cruel real with me ^.^


Sorry my brain can't focus on one topic is like Chanel no clue how much ...
To much thought in my brain after that shitty counsiling ...

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

It could be that your counseller is out of his/her depth and is doing more harm. It could also be that you've been triggered which can happen in therapy especially in the beginning. It could be that if your discussing the abuse it's maybe too soon and you might be better using the counselling service to learn some coping mechanisms and strategies.

It might be none of the above. How long have you been seeing your counsellor? What was discussed in the session? (You don't need to be specific here)
If the counsellor is even half decent then you should be able to bring this to them next session and they can change or tone down whatever it is they're doing.

The thing is it does tend to get worse before it gets better. We're bringing these horrible memories and emotions forward instead of pushing them down. You've been through some terrible things it's only natural that it hurts. Even now the day of my therapy for the rest of the day I'm useless. I've just learned to work things round it, not plan anything else for that day.

It's also very understandable to hold some resentment towards your mother. I do with my parents they were supposed to protect me and they didn't. It still hurts very much.

 

[Suzetig]

It could be lots of things to be honest, how long are your sessions - is the 30 mins you refer to the whole of your session length, it may be the session is too short to let you get back on an even keel before leaving. Your therapist can help you find ways to contain what your talking about between sessions but in truth starting to talk about our trauma is going to have an emotional impact so you may well see symptoms increase in the early days of talking about trauma.

It's entirely possible you're moving to fast, talking about too much too soon and retraumatising yourself, again your therapist should help you put the brakes on. Does your therapist know how sessions are impacting you?

Last of all, I just want to check you're ok because your post was quite difficult to understand in places - if that's indicative of how you're feeling it may be worth checking in with your therapist to get some support.

 

[IrisL]

I had for almost a year a proper therapist - who did set me up a few times, but she was always aware of it- she was brilliant even she knew before I was aware of it I have suicidal thoughts and she never let me go before she put me back.that was a CBT therapy quite was okay, but never felt enough - not exactly learnt new coping skills, which I learnt - I did it from books.
And she referred me to another group where I should get DBT therapy for my borderline personality disorder....
The counseler wasn't a doc, but she just done constant rigger she didn't answer straight any of my question and she pushed me to a group therapy when with my previous doc we agreed I'm not exactly prepared for a big group therapy.
And now I'm waiting for a group therapy which I don't want to go - my reason is way too big the group.
She didn't listen anything what I said and when I said no to the therapy she just blop a question - do I was only who had been abused - that's which set me of after constantly - she didn't even respect me as basic to read my file, but she lied to she did read it...
She shortened the therapy - it was okay I waited 20mins but my afterwards person didn't ...
And even the receptionist are wow attitude towards me - they handling me as some handicap crazy... I feel I can't even write a complain because I'm treated by a non human, because of my damage.
The counseler even had the thick skin to tell me she is here to care about my mental state!!! My opinion was are f*cking joke with me??!? If you care you read my file... But she didn't even bothered about it.
I know she didn't read my file because she asked what's my job - that's the diary thing what you talk about in your therapy... And after that she expected me to be opened... When I said her if she wants me to be opened I'm happy to tell you all of my flashbacks and she said that's not needed... So is a useless disrespectful bitch.
By the way she is working in the richmond Royal hospital and her name Maha Khan.so who ever goes under her be prepared she know nothing and she is only a nurse...

Sorry I'm really pissed of after when I don't have therapy I don't think she had the right to trigger me.
Even I had a great deal in the last week after therapy to not to be suicidal or selfharmed .., and previously when I had to deal with them is very time happened the same... I was okay and they every time f'ed me over. Without exception.
I would not suggest the Richmond Royal to anyone - the Richmond well-being is great but that is absolutely no help and they just causing shit... And I know I'm not saying because of my PTSD or BPD.but she pushed medication on me ,.. Which I rhave fused and told to her just because you are incompetent to t act me coping skills I'm not taking drugs, b cause that's an easy and lazy solution.
And told her I can learn things instead to drug me down.
Ergo told to her with that if you care I'm able to do more than what they think about me...
I'm dealt with so many things without help... Okay my Mum helped me a lot- a lot of times woke up her inhuman times ... I don't like the fact when I have these episodes I'm attacking my mum, I know she wasn't the sick selfish minded... She just trusted in the wrong person- who she made kind of mistake she didn't think of the worst. But she asked my dad and grandpa to I seriously need psychological help, because there is a serious problem and she isn't herself- my fathers family reacted oh is just a teenager rebellion phrase... When I was 20 something I told to my mum, but she just shocked and ignored what I said and she handled it as I lied.... My mum didn't get any help at all from my fathers family when she asked and begged to my dad.
My dad with that reached the level I don't talk with him - he knew when I was 11 there is a serious problem he knew there is something wrong happening there - but because I couldn't tell because I was so ashamed he left it there.
He left me there because it was easier.
That's a background....

How Iam? not well because I can't keep together my thoughts as you see in my writing ... Too much thoughts too much questions without any answer.

Feel like I'm screwed without help.
When I know my Mum does everything what she can! She really does when I told her I'm borderline when she had energy first thing she did read about it and now she is massively searching book about that. She try to do everything to help me, my step sister too, but she is sometimes sounds and feels like a robot... But she is reading about it ^.^ that's for sure... But she how I see she try to not engage... Emotionally ... She will be not happy if I will ever press charges towards her dad... But that's not make any sense because in Hungary that long term they will not even lift up that file - is over the time period by law.

I'm fatally chaotic.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I can't help but wonder if they're treating you like shit because of the bpd diagnosis? It wouldn't be the first time I've seen that happen. Once I was being treated really awfully and the psychiatric nurse mentioned something about my borderline personality disorder. I was like what? I hadn't had ANY diagnosis at that time and I said that to him...he was looking at someone else's file! After that his attitude totally changered he was much more open and caring. But I was like wtf was that? Treating someone different because of diagnosis? Absolutely appalling!

That's really encouraging that your mum is researching bpd and really trying to understand. Have you maybe thought about reaching out to rape crisis? They should have a centre in your local area and they offer support for any sexual violence survivors.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

So my last "therapy" more like counselling ... Is seemed for me after the "session" it wasn't anything el...

Had a real screwed T session 1/31 and relate to your experience with your T; was told by members to hang in there, and that some days T's have off days as well. Stay in there as I am going to and continue to remain in recovery for ptsd. Sometimes I am the windshield, and some days I'm the bug hitting the windshield. This too shall pass - members just helped me dealing with a really unhealthy and disjointed T session recently. You're not alone. Don't give up. Thank you for reaching out about this, as I did as well. T's are human, and have off and even bady days. I will try and remember this. (hugs). JadesJewel

 

[Freedomfighter]

So my last "therapy" more like counselling ... Is seemed for me after the "session" it wasn't anything el...

I think that is pretty much prior abuse catching up with you. Any therapy will leave you raw, full of emotions, pain, hurt which is caused by prior abuse. The therapist lays those sections out into the raw and yes there are some very strong reactions.

My brain right now feels like a smashed up avocado. But I know that to a million liars there is one good person. If that is the only thing that I have learned then at least I have learned something.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I think that is pretty much prior abuse catching up with you. Any therapy will leave you raw, fu...

Yes @Freedomfighter I melted down post session (last one) so you are not alone. What a flippin' mess last session (emdr) was! craphole session (pardon my wording) so freakin' frustrated with T; I wanted to shake him and say "Wake the f*** up, buddy" yet he too is human, and we were both exposed to the noise coming from the other room (another T, her client, and client's crying baby, man what a mess! And I at the very least @Freedomfighter expected my T to try and center himself (grounding) nope, his body and facial language told me a totally different story about what happens to T (same as me after exposure to excessive and uncontrollable noise). Interesting, however I could have went without the lesson. Hope your next session runs smoother and is more productive. (hugs) JadesJewel

I can't help but wonder if they're treating you like shit because of the bpd diagnosis? It wou...

Yes, appalling.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@IrisL I don't believe you are fatally chaotic - and from what you've written and shared - you (folow your gut intuition and I still have one even though...) and your T need to have a "bull" session and talk about how badly you were triggered during last session. And as you know, being triggerd and flashing does occur in T - and in my case especially in emdr sessions. And I immensely dislike being triggerd but necessary in order to process the trauma and reprogram the brain. It's like taking castor oil and then cleaning out intestinal tract/system (poor analogy) yet I relate to this analogy well. In order to treat ptsd trauma - the trauma cannot be skirted around and I must go through trauma memories/dreams aka nightmares in order for brain to be reprogrammed, etc. And this sucks big eggs! I will try so very hard not to give up and again this hurts like H*** and hang in there. Keep coming on here and talking about this. You can do this.
Therapy hurts - it's like and I borrow this analogy like rippin' a flipping band-aid off of an oozing, stench stinking smelling pus infected wound that seemingly will not heal. Please excuse gross anatomical description - but it's flippin' true, and the only way to it (recovery) is through it (trauma). Hang in there. One breath at a time. This may be the hardest thing (you) - I have ever attempted to accomplish - and that is the completion of either other type of therapy or emdr therapy (which I'm last check am currently engaged in). It's hell and heaven (hell - recounting the traumas) and (heaven - emdr changing my expletively f***ed up brain (thank you a**h*** caregivers for doing such a smashing jolly old good job at messing up my brain! During my sessions (emdr) I am triggered and have to recount trauma in order to process same and through emdr reprogam my f***ed up brain. It's hell. And I going to stick in T and it's hurting like h***.

Only you - by expressing your concerns and fears about being triggered by your T to point of total chaotic meltdown (as I did in last session) will you hopefully be able to deal and come to terms with this occurring by talking with your T about same. Communication. You may need this, or that, or the other. Talk it out with your T - just as I will do next session on 2/14. I will be as honest and open and talk about the crap that happened during last session. Please keep updating on your progress. It's important that I realize I am in T and not my T. I will not sugar coatt how disturbing last session was (out of flippin' control). And yet, again, my T is a caring, and compassionate T, and he is human, and therapy is Hell - and not for the weak, and faint at heart. Tough - got to be strong, and at the same time vulnerable and expose Light to the trauma memories/nightmares that keep me (us) caged - and I don't like being caged like an abandoned, unloved animal. I want more. More, please, I will try and hopefully @NoWhereKnowWhere - you'll speak frankly and openly with your T about how last session was crap, and what you need from your T so hopefully this type of T history with your T - does not repeat itself. I care. And I am here. JadesJewel

 

[selfcompassion]

So my last "therapy" more like counselling ... Is seemed for me after the "session" it wasn't anything el...

I would see as a sucess. Therapy is hard. I believe in feeling your way to health. I had to learn to feel. Trauma makes us repress to survive.....we avoid it. All that negative feeling is still there, waiting to be felt, processed, and released. This daunting, but has been very effective for me. You are not flawed, broken, or damaged. You are injured. Honor your feelings, as they weren't by others. I had to do this in small doses to start as it is over whelming. When my small wounded child wanted to be heard, to feel, I had to learn to let her, and meet her with compassion. It is like walking through fire to get to the other side.