Does Dissociation Sometimes Feel Like This?

[Pencil]

I have lived the past ten years of my life 'on a raft'. I don't quite know how it ties in with how you experience dissociation. ..

 

[jstme]

I kinda get what you're saying..I often feel detached though, like I'm walking and my eyes are just detached camera lens 0.o (that probably makes NO sense)

The detached camera lenses feels like one of the best descriptors I've heard... this feeling sucks so bad, but it's also a relief to know that I'm not alone in this. I've tried explaining this to others, and even had my head scanned again to make sure there was no damage left from the brain injury! All to find out later that it was, part of the PTSD, post brain injury... not sure which would have been better? my guess is neither.

 

[JustBe]

while trying to shop for groceries. For me it can range from extreme nausea to my vision being not blurry, but actually fuzzy as if I was watching a channel on television that is out of signal range. All these things are almost always associated with a few moments (10-15 seconds) of me completly losing motor function and freezing in place, or having extreme trouble moving,

Yup. That's me. Kira pokes me in the leg and grounds me before it gets too far though.

I also get those wierd sensations like the ground is moving under me.

I also had to smile at your "Sam needs to go out" escape strategy. I use this one all the time in social situations, and poor Del often has to go outside more often than you would believe!!

At times of anxiety and stress I have 'left my body' and it's like I know what's happening, but I'm not there. Like it's happening to someone else, but I am still in control - like able to walk.

Yup *nodding* I feel like I'm on a boat or an elevator. Also, I find myself yawning uncontrollably when trying to refocus on a conversation. I rarely yawn when alone. :O_o:

 

[jstme]

So turns out the detached camera lens thing, in my case, could also be from my glaucoma which I recently found out about... lately I can't help but wonder if the glaucoma could have any relation to the lynching. Most doctors believe its from the increase in pressure. I can't stop myself from feeling the pressure associated with the noose which was around my neck lately. My eyes felt like they were going to be forced out of my head. I didn't even have this memory until I was diagnosed with the glaucoma a few weeks ago.

Regardless of whether this link is even probable it's been pulling me in all sorts of different directions. On top of this, the person who pushed me and hung me has been harassing me a lot lately. We are in a custody battle, and they've been doing simple things such as violation my parental rights. This week they uprooted my vacation plans with my son making legal threats if I went through with them because they are saying that they never agreed to me having this vacation. We do have the agreement in writing however and it was recorded by a DHS worker, but my fear of what they would do if I went against there word overpowered these facts and involuntarily gave up my vacation time. I am trying to plan a shorted version of this camping trip that we may be able to squeeze into our regular custody times. Also they have been being super nice to my son since they thought we had a hearing coming up, yet when it turned out the hearing was scheduled a lot later than we expected they started putting my son back to work, doing manual labor most of the time, almost immediately. I just hope my son doesn't end up with anxiety issues related to them as I have.

A side note, please don't tell me that I need to do more for my son, because believe me, proving that someone tried to kill you 9 years after it happened is extremely difficult. Especially if you can't remember all of it yet and the building where it happened was remodeled and the cops did no investigation.. and this very well could make things even more dangerous for my son.

So yeah I trailed off, what's new, anyway its nice to be able to type this stuff and not have to worry that I'm depressing all my friends and family by venting it. I also noticed how it's a bit easier for me to type my story rather than say it out loud.. Only a few visuals during this post and all relatively quick.

Also my bad grammar which I seem to be doing an amazing job with today is directly linked to the brain trauma, so please don't send me any more notifications about this.. its kinda triggering.

 

[ggsparky]

At times of anxiety and stress I have 'left my body' and it's like I know what's happening, but I'm not there. Like it's happening to someone else, but I am still in control - like able to walk.

I have the same problem! I'll be at work and suddenly feel dizzy and stuff like I just got super worn out but then my distance perception is wayyyyyyy off. Like if I try to walk I run into things because they seem closer or farther then they really are. But I feel like my periferal ( think that's how you spell it ) is gone yet I react to everything. My senses are heightened, I hear everything and really jumpy. But I don't feel I'm there. If I talk I feel like I'm watching myself talk, I won't know what I'm saying and I say stupid shit. I feel like I want to run away and lay in my bed because everyone is caving in on me and I don't want to open my mouth because I feel stupid and not there. I'm not real, this happens a lot. I'm not sure its dissociation or not but I think its really disturbing.

 

[Grace511]

I get de ja vu a lot.......wonder if this is something like disassociation?

 

[Abstract]

De ja vu is catagorised as a type of dissociation. Not the pathological type and rather the everyday "normal" type. There is also the opposite to de ja vu which I forget the name. Where we don't recognise something familiar.

 

[circe47]

The opposite of Deja Vu is Jamais Vu. I get this all the time.

 

[Grace511]

I have read online and on people's posts about disassociation but I still do not fully understand what it is or feels like. Can someone please put it in kid friendly language for me?

 

[Abstract]

Hi Grace,

Have a look under dissociation over here: [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/wiki/self-help/[/DLMURL]

The way I would describe it is a very wide array of experiences where one part of our functioning is either separated or subdued in some way. And it varies from every day experiences that everyone has (such as being able to block all out except what we are concentrating on or driving from a to b without remembering how one got there) right through to personality divisions on the other end of the spectrum.

Most fall under changes to our levels of consciousness or our connection to our self or environment. So if you think of it this way it is a bit like having varying levels of awakeness ranging from full awakeness to a state that is just above sleep. And having a range of experiences where one part of our connection to our body or self is disconnected (such as emotions or pain) right to actually being outside our body and looking down on ourselves. The same with the environment. It can be that it just looks a little blurry or distant or it can range right to strobe effects and extreme distortions.

Essentially it is just our minds way of either separating things to help us function better or distancing things so that we feel safer and less overwhelmed.

Not everyone dissociates. There is a genetic predisposition apparently.

 

[Grace511]

Ok I think I'm beginning to understand. I often have these episodes where I feel disconnected from myself and when this happens I always ask myself the same question. I ask why was I born? Now I am a Christian but for some reason I just feel weird and ask myself this and feel the need to talk to another person to make sure what's going on around me is real.