Sexual Assault Does It Count As Rape?

[lostforgottensoul]

what about saying no no no

All sexual activity needs to stop there. There is a reason you are saying no no no. There is no and or but after that. If it is then forced and/or coerced after that and you say dont stop, it was forced and/or coerced so not consent, after no it is assult.

 

[desiderata310]

So THANK YOU State of California Mandatory Reporters training! @artpop
Here's how it works: you said yes initially but then you said no at some point? That NO counts. It doesn't matter if he was already inside you, if he didn't stop it counts.
Being coerced into sex is actually still rape (yup, I am sure about this I just completed the training last week.)
Feeling threatened into sex
yes.
SO, if you were a student on my campus and you came to me with this information, I am required to report this and there would be an investigation and your boyfriend would likely be charged.

It's like the cup of tea analogy. If you say you want the tea and in the time it take me to boil the water, make the tea and pour it, you change your mind, I can't force you to drink the tea. Now, I might be mildly inconvenienced but that doesn't mean I get to force tea down your throat.

 

[GwenDR]

I think that if someone's not even sure they consented, then they didn't consent. Even if they said yes. I wouldn't proceed with a hypothetical partner who was saying yes, but giving every indication that they did not want to be there, and were uncomfortable with proceeding. A partner that had no at all, at any point, makes it completely unambiguous that they didn't consent. It's possible to genuinely change your mind, but that looks and sounds nothing like changing your answer under coercion, which is NOT changing your mind.

 

[desiderata310]

Tea Consent
Here it is... Consent explained pretty damn well, if you ask me.

 

[joeylittle]

At one point, I refused to do anything-I flat out pushed him away because I was having a panic attack (I was also raped at the ages 4-7, and again at 11, so I was sensitive). His response was to yell at me and accuse me of "leading him on" to which he raised his hand at me like he was going to hit me.

What happened next, in this specific incident?

 

[artpop]

What happened next, in this specific incident?

because I've had physical abuse in the past, I flinched away and almost yelped, and that seemed to snap him out of his "rage" or whatever. He then just dropped it and walked away to play video games.

@ everyone else - thank you for your help and reassurance. The way he said it made me feel like I was the bad guy who was ruining his life. So everyone else coming in here and responding unanimously that it was rape despite not knowing me is... a relief.
Thank you everyone for your help. It means a lot to me.

 

[Kintsugi]

I've been where you are, @artpop. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was raped, even though I occasionally still blame myself. Coercion, threats, etc... are unable to result in real consent.

I'm all about the erasure of the "no means no" motto in favor of "only yes means yes," and I'm a big fan of the tea metaphor.

 

[GwenDR]

Yeah, the tea analogy fits really well. Only yes means yes, but also, not every yes means yes.

 

[Ronin]

The way he said it made me feel like I was the bad guy who was ruining his life.

Bitches of his kind deserve their lives ruined, hard.

You'd be doing him a service if you were doing it.

 

[TheMinsterman]

He's sounds like a narcissist, deflecting the blame back onto you and making himself the victim in all this and making you question your reality. Notice how he does something which numerous people in this thread are saying is wrong yet he's deflected it back at you?

Miscommunication is one thing, I am quite sure there are times when one party doesn't communicate their reluctance very well and the other legitimately believes it was consensual, in your case he brow beat you into giving in, that isn't consent, that is coercion.

 

[Suzetig]

Yeah, the tea analogy fits really well. Only yes means yes, but also, not every yes means yes..

I think that can get really confusing, I see it more as yes doesn't mean yes to everything. The use of coercion means there never was a "yes" in the first place - if you see what I mean? If the only reason you agreed to do something was because of the threat that sat behind it or because someone wouldn't let, bullied or beat you then you're responding to that threat, not the offer of or request for sex.

 

[GwenDR]

I think that can get really confusing, I see it more as yes doesn't mean yes to everything. The use of...

Very good point. An uncoerced and sincere yes is a yes, and nothing else but there's other factors, too.