Relationship Does It Ever Become Equal Again?

[eleanor true]

Good morning,

I have followed many posts on here and really feel that you all have sage like experience. Hopefully, that did not sound wrong because I do admire your beliefs and all that you share. I have noticed since everything has changed (recent combat war veteran; medic as well) he does not always want to hear about my life. Almost as if he has to be ready for communication. I have a counseling degree, but not with a focus on PTSD. I have been diligently researching about Combat PTSD for over a year now.

Last night, my sufferer became overly mad at me for things he does without thinking. Here is the gist, he came home from work early, we spent a good amount of time together and it was nice. I wish it could have been more intimate, but I do not push that area.

He will make plans with his friends at liberty, but as it seemed last night the reverse for me is not possible. I noticed his child-like demeanor when I changed jeans to go over my girlfriends house. He than commented, "fine forget you then," but we did not even make plans for him to elicit such a response!

The night did not get better his returned texts were not nice. Meanwhile, the messages I sent him were so similar to the kind he would share with me if he was out. I do not understand, but I spoke up saying, "I guess I just need that Rhino skin at times and its difficult." Felt like it was "do as I say not as I do" all night.

I came home to more of it and finally/rarely, I just shut down. He said you have a stank attitude. I said there has only been two times in our relationship where I was indifferent, just because I am not my chipper self, you change so much! Its crazy that you are you so hard on me! Truly, why can he be so mean to me over things he does all the time? What is my role in this mess, because I certainly do not know what to do?

Thanks for reading everyone. I could use all the help and advice you have to share. Honest no holds barred!

 

[eleanor true]

Just to add, he sought out help on his own, when he returned from Afghanistan. Therapy has truly helped with his anger outbursts and comfort zone. At the end of December he completed a two month hospital-live in treatment care for Combat PTSD. He continues to try and work on his triggers. There are just some days when I can not take it all.

 

[hopelives]

You know what Eleanor that is cool that you have days that you just can't take it. Sometimes I had weeks where I felt that way and other days I just hung on. Some days I did nothing but float.

Have you got any friends that maybe you could go and stay with for a few days and forget about the situation for a bit. Take some time for you.

My husband has after 8yrs has just turned a corner.So it does happen if they are willing to work at it. BIG BIG BIG BIG hugs. Cry scream hit a pillow just let all of it out.

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome Eleanor True.

I am short of time but the brutal answer to your question
Does It Ever Become Equal Again?..... is no.... sorry!

It can get much better and you can have a reasonably good life in a relationship with a PTSD Sufferer however 'exactly equal' will never occur but I doubt many relationships are in all aspects.


I look forward to talking to you more later on and in the meantime please continue with your great spirit of wanting to learn.

 

[ISupportHer]

I don't think things have ever been equal, really. I mean, even back before all the PTSD, depression, etc it was always an ebb and flow. Not like measuring out juice in glasses for the kids and making absolutely certain they each get exactly the same amount.

Can it get better? or less of a gap? Yes, for some. For some, no, unfortunately.

Many of us can surely identify with reaching the feeling of indifference. at least at times. It really becomes a journey of soul searching. Things have changed, our spouses or significant others HAVE changed. Maybe permanently. Maybe with some healing and return to something close to what they once were. I can name examples where there has been healing to a degree and things are better but I can also names several whose relationships have ended. Some who are no longer here because they are no longer a carer.

I do think that some of it comes down to us. There are some times we have to examine ourselves and see what our part is in the whole thing. Seek therapy ourselves, search for answers for us as well. I wish I could find the thread, but there was a new carer in the introductions a year ago that was of oriental ethnicity and she had talked about things from that perspective. The one thing that reached out and grabbed me was to make sure that your love is coming from the right place. She spoke more eloquently of it. But the message that I took away is that I have to make sure I have love for the right reasons. Not pity, not desperation, but the love of the person.

OK, not necessarily saying you are doing anything wrong eleanor. Just that I hear that it's hard and I wish you hope on your journey.

ISH

 

[anthony]

You have registered multiple accounts, if you do not PC me with an explanation within 24hrs, as your prior account/s where banned (harmony of love), then this account will also be banned.

Please explain via private conversation only.