General Does It Ever Get Better/Easier?

[luisa]

When does it get better, easier I have cried for my partner for the last 5 days, i feel i cry the tears that he cant.
He is still in hospital and although i know i have to be the strong one it is so hard to keep in together.
I know he loves me but it so hard to keep positive and happy when he is so depressed and negative. Im so sick of feeling sad and feeling that I have no one to turn to.
I think we need as carers need a retreat respite where we can go and vent when things get to much for us.

:wall:

 

[Frankie]

Hi luisa,

Some hugs coming your way :Hug_emoticon:

 

[cragger65]

Hi Luisa,

I'm sorry things are tough right now, it must be very difficult. Do you have a faith of any kind, or even a sense of a "Higher Power" as they say? Any strength is strength you can use right now. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

 

[luisa]

Thanks to both of you really appreciate it. Its just great to be able to vent and know that there are people out there in the same boat.
Thanks again

 

[Robyn]

i know i have to be the strong one it is so hard to keep in together

Who says that? Don't blame yourself for getting/being upset. It's natural and it's healthy. Now's the time to get it all out. To vent and to hollar and to rant and rave. When your done and exhausted and emotionally spent...take a hot bath and allow yourself to start over.

Take it slower, use the time he is hospitalized to learn and reorganize. There may be a few extra things that you're going to have to take on...sit down and figure out the best way to work them into your schedule. Decide where you will need additional help, if necessary.

When he's home again...the transition for the both of you should be slightly easier if you don't welcome him with the additional stress you are causing yourself by thinking you have to be strong and in control. Yes, you will have to make changes, but when the emotional stresses hit (and believe me they will) you'll have YOUR safe place to go and de-stress so you can better help him learn to cope and heal.

Create your own retreat. He won't want or need you underfoot 24/7. Use that time to heal yourself otherwise you'll find yourself lamenting about his shutting you out. Have a mutual shut out...rest from each other. Like that old saying: "Physician heal thyself." Well, carer...that goes for you too!!

You can do it!

Hugz!
Robyn

 

[TLight]

Wise words Robyn!

 

[luisa]

Very wise words thankyou :smile:

 

[Tbam]

in the posts i have read and in my own life, the feeling of "aloneness" and "helplessness" seems to affect us all. We try to be understanding, we try to "do it all", we try to put up a good face to the world that things arent as bad as they really are. You clearly have some inner strength you dont realize you have or you would have walked away a long time ago. keep strong. make good decisions. dont be abused. Find at least one but hopefully two people in your life, friend, pastor, family member, counselor that you can talk to on a daily or near daily basis. Just venting is important. You have to take care of you..

 

[Cindy]

You have to make your own retreat to keep your balance

I have PTSD. I understand your frustration through others eyes who have shared my journey. When you are totally fed up I think you need to step away and do something for you. You need a respite. Something that will normalize your perspective and keep your center. It doesn't have to be long in time committment but it is necessary.

Suggestions:

Stop at a public library and read your favorite magazines that you won't purchase.

Take a bubble bath in candle light and thing of your favorite times in life - your wedding, holidays as a kid, fun vacations, fantasy, etc.

Take a long walk on a nature trail, or window shop on a mainstreet in your town.

Go to a card store and read funny cards.

Do puzzles - jigsaw, suduko, crossword, jumbles, wordsearch etc...

Get a manicure, pedicure, massage, new haircut ....

Get a craft project to work on - knitting, crochet, needlepoint, cross stitch, sewing, paint by number, sketch book with pastels or markers

Bake ahead for the holidays, pies, cookies you can freeze, nut breads


Basically, take some time for yourself and restore your center.

Good Luck with you :wink:

Keep posting, we'll try to listen and lend support.

Cindy

 

[Auburngirl]

Luisa, it does get better. It's important to believe that. But also, things are easier the less you fight them. Don't feel you have to keep everything under control, that in itself is a stress. Let yourself weep when you need to, seek support for yourself too.

 

[simplyme]

You cant help someone if you dont help yourself right...
I TOTALLY agree with Cindy!
Luisa, you better take some time for yourself. It cant be all about him all the time. Youll go crazy!
Now I want to take a bath... My husband is at work and I had a tuff day with him today. So yup thats what Im donna do. Take a bath and paint my toes.
I dont know about you but when i feel blue I paint my toes pink. Makes me feel better. I have all shades of pink to so if they are already pink I get a diffrent pink!
Once my husband was grumpy and detatched from me all day so that night I had had enough! I told him that was it and I was painting his toe nails pink! He laughed (finaly) and I insisted on doing it, I told him it would make him feel better. I begged and pleaded till he finally let me do them.
He kept them pink till the paint came off on its own. Evertime he had his shoes off and he looked down at his toes he laughed... everytime we were out and he was being a stick in the mud i reminded him his toe nails were pink! He would smile.
I did agree though not to tell anyone that i painted his toe nails. =)