Does It Ever Really Go Away?

[KwanYingirl]

Yeah, you speak my story. Only my kids are both over 30. I'm going to work on skills I never learned as a child or adolescent. I'm going to get a house at the beach. Someday I'll remember waht day it is without looking at my cell phone

 

[scout86]

yes, I SHOULD be happy

Baloney!

You still have PTSD, which, apparently, is kind of a wiring issue in your brain. That's not just magically going to go away because "everything else" is "fine". Hard to accept, I know. (Really, I DO!)

You still have stuff you need to work through. Like "trust issues". All that is "real stuff". It's not something you're making up because you want people to feel sorry for you, it's REAL. It would be sort of nice if it really WAS our own faults. Then we could just "snap out of it", "put it behind us", and "get on with" our lives. As luck would have it, that's not the way it works. Is it? :banghead:

So, if I keep saying, "cut yourself some slack" for as long as it takes for you to accept that that is really ok, would it be TOO annoying?????? :devilish:

 

[desiderata310]

So, if I keep saying, "cut yourself some slack"

Yeah.... about that... I don't do that well.
The last week or two seem to be "beat up on Desi week" in my head space. Not a very bright or happy place to be and I am having a hell of a time here.

 

[JustBe]

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. The 'voice' in my head is always critical too (not speaking of psychosis here, just distorted thinking).

For me, isolation and focusing on the now, minute by minute if necessary sometimes helps.

One thing, don't stuff it all down. It will not be denied for long and the fallout will be worse. Use your Therapist as a safe place to unload your stress cup to make room for the next shit storm.

 

[desiderata310]

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. The 'voice' in my head is always critical too (not speaking of psychosis here, just distorted thinking).

@JustBe I know this.
And knowing it doesn't stop the negative talk in my head. I think in a way it makes it WORSE because I know I shouldn't be thinking that way but I am.
And if I am, EVEN AFTER I try to stop it, then there must be some validity to it, right?

And if I start down that path, then I am either stupid or crazy for not being able to stop the negative talk.

OR it's not just the same tune playing over and over, it's actually true and it's my consciences talking and I should pay attention because well, if I did something wrong then I should some how fix it, or pay the consequences of my actions.

And down the rabbit hole I go again...

My therapist asked me: hadn't I paid for these things enough?

Obviously not.

 

[scout86]

About that voice. Once, maybe a year ago, I got mad enough to yell at the voice and tell it to "Shut the f*** up!" (Fortunately, it's just me & the dogs here, because I really did that, out loud.) To my complete surprise, it worked. At least for awhile. My T still says it's "not a voice, it's a thought" but sometimes I wonder. You might try fighting back. It's a different kind of crazy.

 

[JustBe]

I hear you @desiderata310.