General Does It Get Any Better, Part Il

[Concerned]

So now that I have learned that the road ahead for both my husband and I is going to be a long one, I am seeking some advice on the best thing I can do for him and me. My biggest challenge is keeping quiet when I think he might be having a hard time. I want to be thereto help and when I ask how I can help or if he is ok this seems to make him worse not better, either it's frustrating for him for me to make him think/talk about it or painful to talk about or I don't know what. Any wisdom or advice or both? Thanks!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, the biggest thing you can do for yourself is take very good care of you and meet your own needs. I would consider getting into therapy yourself for help and support. Keep on coming to the supporters section and read all you can on the subject of what you can do for him. You are on the right track and he is lucky to have you in his corner. I wish you the best. Good luck. You could also start a supporters diary and keep track of your progress.

 

[Concerned]

Thank you Gizmo! Got the therapy handled but a diary is a great idea!

 

[discarded]

I find it is sometimes a fine line, what works one day may not the next. You need to learn to not take things personally, the hardest thing for me, and I am still struggling to not take things personally. I find it hard to work out what are true feelings and what are temporary PTSD instigated ones.

You do need to take care of yourself and set boundaries so that you know when it is time for you to remove yourself from the situation. Maybe agreeing on a signal or word that will indicate it is time for you to back off.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you for saying that discarded I needed to see that today. Very wise words.

 

[Concerned]

I agree Gizmo. Thank u Discarded!

 

[Ricanoland]

I find it is sometimes a fine line, what works one day may not the next

This 100% I have been friends with one of friends for nearly 6 years, and If I am stressing out or about to get really upset, he normally plays a song that sometimes calms me down, other days it just makes me mad to know he is trying to calm me down. Granted, he is only being a good friend, but my mind thinks that I am trying to be forced into being what others want me to be. PTSD is a day to day disorder. You can have an amazing interview, get the job, and the first day of work not show up due to PTSD issues. It is a fine line, and most people can't walk it, unless they truly love that person. I give you my best, and just like I tell myself everyday, all day. "In the end it will always work out, it may not be wanted I wanted, but it will be the right thing"

 

[LizardViolet]

Every sufferer is different. The lines are different from person to person and from day to day.

Beyond taking care of yourself, you might try to have a conversation about what types of support work best for him. Pick a good moment to ask about it and keep the conversation brief and direct. Do you have a sense already of some things that work well? Sometimes it's helpful to DO something, to be active; sometimes it's enough just to be present in the room, or in the next room; and sometimes a sufferer might need quiet and to truly be alone. If your husband can explain a little bit when he is not in the middle of a difficult moment, then you'll be better prepared.