General Does My Mom Really Have Ptsd Or Something Else

[Abstract]

@ggsparky I really wouldn't waste too much energy trying to work it out as it sounds like a very complicated case and the only person likely to be able to do so is a psychiatrist. Even if there are delusions it can be because of many things (conditions) and can exist with PTSD and without.

I read you as merely being genuinely confused and wanting input but the best place for it is from a professional I am afraid.

What you can do is do all you can to get her to one and find out what the diagnoses is after. It's very hard for you to know how best to respond to her for her own good if you don't know what the problem is.

It's OK to love your mother and like many things about her and find certain behaviours unacceptable. It isn't OK for parents to treat their children as parents and it isn't OK for them to burden them with information that will damage them. You blaming yourself for being parentified is exactly one of the side effects of having been parentified. It's also common for the person to end up with big problems managing boundaries in relationships and putting their own needs first when they need to. It's easy to end up in co-pendent relationships because the person has trained to be in one from young.

Have you ever seen a therapist for you? I think it could be a help with this as the pressure is a lot to bear on your own.

 

[ggsparky]

I'm okay but thank you for the concern.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Given your experience of your Mom's symptoms, it's clear she is suffering and in need of professional help. Other then telling her you love her and referring her to professionals, you aren't her cure. You didn't cause whatever is happening to her, and you can't control all the people, places, things, and events around her.

I respectfully disagree with Barconian in that I do not believe that the phrase 'playing the victim' is helpful in most situations where it is applied. Something is clearly amiss, so it's highly unlikely she is "playing." Regardless of her motivations, her behaviors are negatively affecting your health and self-esteem. It is right and just that you do what is necessary for you to live a healthy, meaningful, happy life.

My best suggestion is to work with your therapist, focus on your recovery, learn good assertiveness and boundary defenses, and decide how much of her behaviors are tolerable to you. You can use skills for minimizing her negative effects on you while maintaining as healthy a relationship with her as possible.

As you esteem, protect, and defend yourself, you'll become stronger and more confident in your interactions with her. That will take some of the stress out of the relationship in the long run.

 

[Abstract]

It's possible you may motivate your mum to get proper treatment by getting support yourself. Sometimes that can be the most influential thing we can do. To work on ourselves. It makes me sad to hear how you feel about seeing a t as I think it is very representative of the toll all this has taken on you.

 

[The Albatross]

I can relate to an alliance with a less than stellar parent. Yeah it didn't really matter to me then what the difficulty was either. It was my mother, and my sense of loyalty. I stood by her then, I stand by her now in spite of choices she makes that are not in her own best interests. I agree with Abstract and Bloom in Winter about working with your own therapist. It has flummoxed me but actually never failed me. I can deal now with people in my family who are "in their behaviors". It's all about my motivation and my ability of set and enforce boundary setting.

 

[ggsparky]

Thanks everyone

 

[The Albatross]

Embarrassing is optional. It has no bearing really on your personal situation does it? For the record, both my mother and mother-in-law have not sought help since the '70's... nor is it likely to ever happen. Me? I've been in and around it for a decade because I have a vested interest in learning how to manage, not only my own, but their own personal weapons grade dysfunctions.

You are the one who's here... you learn what you need to manage.

 

[ggsparky]

I feel I need to delete post. Anyway to do that?

 

[Abstract]

I am afraid not ggs. Forum policy won't allow it. I know it can feel exposing to share but I hope you let it sit as there is nothing that needs to be deleted. I suspect it's hard to hear people saying your mum was wrong. No one is meaning that harshly.

It's very normal for you to come here looking for answers and its normal to want answers.

 

[ggsparky]

Thank you abstract. I just freak out alittle when the world can know stuff about me. I freak about Facebook too... I don't like that u can't delete ... I just wish you could... I won't sleep tonight lol....

 

[Abstract]

Many of us feel that way. It's good practise though!;) It's anonymous here so nothing to worry about. I feel the same about facebook.

By the way - you might want to review the grammar rules for the site as text speak etc is't allowed. It's to make things easier for people to read. You might get a reminder.

 

[ggsparky]

Oh yea. I terrible at grammar.