Does My Therapist Want Me To Melt Down?

[Riot]

Link Removed He acted very different than the first few sessions, almost cold and abrupt. It seemed like maybe he was trying to be argumentative. I got the distinct feeling he was trying to get me worked up.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel very ambivalent about it.

 

[BlueOrange]

I'm impressed by the record you created of the session.

I don't think he wants you to melt down. I think he wants to get you to express anger in a session with him, and I think he wants it to happen in a way that doesn't involve a meltdown. It seems to me that you've formed a connection - that 'getting angry' will always lead to 'melting down'. That's a connection that I formed as a kid, and it is the most difficult part of my stuff (so it's possible that I'm projecting, so please form your own assessment).

Basically, based on the record you created of the session, I agree with the therapist's expressed assessment of the situation. The strategy he's employing does seem risky, but I can't think of a better one myself. What I suggest you do at the next session is to talk to him about your concerns - if I understand correctly, you're concerned that if he goes down the path he has described, that it will result in a meltdown that has negative consequences. If you do have those concerns, then I think you should say so. If he's worth the risk, he'll have an ability to mitigate the risk - hopefully, he'll also be able to explain how he'll mitigate the risk. (He might have the ability to do it without having the ability to explain how he does it - form your own judgement.)

 

[HappyJock]

Hey Riot, I'm sorry to hear that! It must have felt really bad and frustrating, I know the feeling. I'm not sure if you pissed your therapist off, as I don't really know what you guys talk about. But what I do know, in therapy, is that sometimes they try to aggravate us to see how we respond emotionally. Sort of like a 'test.' My T once told me therapists do that without telling the patient anything because it tells them things about the patient and how ready they are to work on whatever it is you guys have been talking about. However, it could also be that something actually got your T mad and he acted that way. I just don't like when therapists act out of anger because they are supposed to be a stable form of support...

Update. Totally missed the link, let me go check.

 

[Riot]

@BlueOrange, haha, thanks. I am trying to get in the habit of coming home and mind dumping everything I can remember. Thank you for your thoughts, too. I hadn't considered it from that angle before, but it makes sense. I've said when I have been angry, but for a lot of his questions concerning my feelings, I really just don't know. There literally are not words. So he'll say, "How did that make you feel?" and my response often is, "I don't know." Because it's true. I don't. The one big issue, which he's very aware of now, we haven't talked about. Rather, I haven't. I did tell him (during session #2 and #3) about my concerns with 'melting down' if I recall it with him. Basically, the vocabulary as I understand it now, is I'm afraid of having a flashback or getting 'stuck' in a flashback. He hasn't offered me any help with this, so I've been hesitant.

@HappyJock, thanks for your thoughts. I have a strong feeling like he was testing me. I mostly just tried to explain myself, and I answered honestly with, "I don't know," when I really just didn't. I wonder how I scored on the 'test' if that is indeed what it was. :P

 

[BlueOrange]

I think I spent the first 3 or 4 years of therapy learning to answer the question "How do you feel about that?" It's an important question, and there's evidence that people who are able to describe their feelings experience them in a more controllable way. A potentially useful stepping-stone might be to describe what it's like for you to try to answer the question.

 

[Riot]

@BlueOrange, I can understand its value and importance. I just can't make it happen if I legit just don't know, you know? So what's the stage, do you reckon?

 

[BlueOrange]

I agree absolutely that faking it isn't going to help anybody, and it's probably the worst thing you could do. (So I'm glad you've ruled that out.)

What I'm suggesting is that you respond to the question something like this:

"I don't know how I felt. I know this is an important question, but when I try to answer it [this happens/is how I feel/is how I think]. Right now, I feel [like this] about trying to answer that question. And right now I feel [like this] about what happened."

 

[Anarchy]

there's evidence that people who are able to describe their feelings experience them in a more controllable way.

Identifying and naming is a huge step on the way to being able to handle emotions

 

[Anarchy]

sorry, i should have refreshed the page
emotions don't come with labels attached
a big part of developmental trauma is we didn't learn what the different names for emotions feel like inside.

so not knowing the name is an important bit of info to give to the T
after that, he'll probably ask you how does your chest, stomach, throat etc feel, are you hot or cold, is your heart racing etc

 

[Riot]

@BlueOrange, thank you so much. I will definitely give that a try.

@Anarchy, agreed. I feel like I'm struggling when he is evasive in answering my questions regarding names of terms, as well. I wonder if this goes both ways. (For patient and therapist.)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I dont know, i have to admit being dyslexic i sorta skimmed (now i know how peeps felt about my long posts ;)) but to me it seems a bit like some of my therapy session, 'cept my therapist is soft to me in everything he says and after 7 yrs i know he's coming from a place of caring and he'd probably help someone even if they didnt pay him.

I show (offer) my therapist all of my cuts (that i can) but my therapist has to sorta pull stuff out of me like this, especially around feelings cuz i never know what i feel and also especially around why i do or think i do or think thay connects to the past; and most especially pulling my past out of me over 2 yrs.

To me it sounds more like probing to get you to see what made you think of cutting (your daughter > her changes > going to home town with a tree with electric line that you wanted to touch; self injury/die...all connects to looking out the kitchen window seeing the tree).

I suppose he could've been a bit more gentle but the way he went about it doesnt seem odd to me.

My therapist watches my body language & reads micro expressions to see if im uncomfortable, what i might be feeling when i have no idea im feeling it and when im trying to dissociate or have and stops me from or gets me out of it (usually when we approch the past). Once he asked where i go, I said "away".

Anyway, anger is a feeling and its likely miss directed toward your therapist but if it were me id tell him and let him probe why im angry at him cuz it likely connects to the past.

Its all about processing (currentently my life).

 

[Riot]

@lostforgottensoul, I'm not angry with him. I was inquiring as to whether or not he was pissed off at me.