Does ptsd make you verbally abusive towards others?

[Tracee]

Oh yeah. And if excessive alcohol is involved, it will become physically abusive as well. I’ve always liked booze, but even if I were in a situation of excess, I was always a “happy drunk”. Until my main event, and since then, it has not been a good thing. At all. I have mostly been fine for the past few years in that regard, but when I’ve gone overboard...holy shit! I’ve lost a couple of friendships over it. I’m talking about trying to snatch a bitch’s hair out while she’s driving us home from a bar, or getting in a bar fight that I started by telling a rough-looking lady at a working class bar that she looks like Weird Al, and grabbing her tit to check that she was a lady. I deserved the broken glasses, black eye, and bruises I copped. Yep. That’s on me.

And the thing is, that I feel horrible about these things I’m telling here. My friend did not deserve me trying to kill us both while driving. I really miss her friendship, but I do deserve it. This lady at the bar was minding her own damn business, not bothering me, when I decided to be an offensive asshole. That is all on me. I hate the anger issues and I’m doing my best to work through them. Because that person who does those things, is not who I am. Unless I allow it.

 

[Swift]

@Tracee your raw honesty is really moving. It's obvious that's not the person you want to be and you're taking steps to fix it. Best of luck.

 

[ladee]

@Tracee, it took a long time for me to see where all my anger was coming from. It wasn't just one thing or one situation. It was a build up of so so so many times I kept my mouth shut because I didn't have the skills to just talk something out. And then it would build and turn into the things you shared.

The undertone of your words, says loudly, that this is not how you want to BE in the world. And I do believe, without a doubt, you will get to the root cause of why , and this is my term I used for years, if it rolled thru my mind it came out of my mouth. And my frustrations level was so high things would get physical. And then I hated me and how I was acting.

Alcohol being taken away from the equation helps. But that is something you have to decide for yourself. No judgement from me.

Sending you hugs, if accepted, for being honest and asking the question. You have your own answers. Find someone to help you to get to those answers. We DO deserve to keep searching for our true self, not what PTSD or life has turned us into. That is our hurt self. Not our true self. Supporting your journey. :hug:'s

 

[Tracee]

No worries, you are 100% correct about the booze, and I’m working on permanent abstinence at this time, although I’ve hit some potholes along the way. I have my first appointment next week with a trauma therapist, and my annual follow up with my psychiatrist the week of Thanksgiving. I had a therapist for a while last year, but my job had me traveling for a while and life interfered. Plus, she was not a trauma therapist, I felt more like she was experienced in counseling the “worried well” than someone with the load of BS I’m carrying. Very nice lady though, I felt it was worthwhile at the time.

I know that social support is very important, so I’m lurking around here and educating myself on various alternative recovery programs. I just am not able to do AA, although I don’t want to slam it for those that it helps. I’ve had some unpleasant experiences there, and being an atheist, I’m just not feeling it.

Thanks to everyone for your responses, I appreciate knowing that I’m not alone. I’ll be around for a bit, no doubt.

Edit by Anthony: Admin question moved to contact us.

 

[ladee]

I got clean and sober with AA and NA, but have always said it's not for everyone. There are many places nowadays to get help. You might ask your Pdoc or your new T. They might have suggestions that fit you well.

You are trying, looking for answers, and doing all the right things. Best of success to you @Tracee. You aren't alone, and lots of experiance here on the forum from many people, to help and support you along the way.

 

[Recovery4Me]

It was great to review this thread and accumulate different perspectives. I have been reflecting on some aspects of self when heightened in stress, disassociated, triggered (or boundary busted by others).

I donot attribute my choice of reactions to my label. However, during deregulation or an tipping point- I am more reactive than proactive. I will disassociate and then come up for air from the chemical cortisone fog with sometimes too sharp of a tongue. My tolerance for coauthoring bullharky is zip and my expectations become unrealistic for ownership or accountability from an ‘other’. People progress in different ways but I become judgemental during my lashing out.

I work on emotional regulation daily, face my demons in therapy (still), admittedly blunder with occasional blunt perspectives and abhor my tirades. Yet, I can offer this... I am more than my label but my PTSD does complicate my batting average of gentle conversations.

 

[blackemerald1]

I too have read through this thread just now and it is so interesting.

I find verbal outbursts too exhausting to do. I get chest pains and I am always very sorry if I say something that hurts another person. I am very sensitive in respect to hurting another person physically or verbally.

Before I acquired ptsd I hurt people and didn't worry. Now, it's the last thing I want to do.

I tend to internalise most of the energy that would go out if I let it. This may sound like a great way of handling it but it's not. It's just as bad in some respects because I am hurting myself. The frustration, anger etc., is STILL there. I need to work really hard on not getting to that point in the first case. Take a chill pill but not medication...a technique from therapy would be good :)

So I do get angry and want to engage but I don't... I use self control... and then I feel quite unwell. :(

I have to ask people to stop talking AT me... stop...stop.....stop....stop... that's all I can get out most of the time but inside I am really wanting to slash and burn. I just don't. :wtf:

 

[Anana]

I have not read the whole thread perhaps it will be doubled. It is not PTSD that makes us verbally abusive. It is a coping strategy. If you had learnt to react like that you will do it and that is really hard (i talk about myself)to change your response. So PTSD makes us feel the same (hurt and traumatised) but it is not PTSD that makes us abusive.