Does Ptsd Make You More Apt To Cut Off Ties With A Child

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I don't understand why you can't forgive your daughter because she told a lie. Have you ever told a lie or mislead someone? Did they forgive you or leave you high an dry?

It's human to make mistakes and it seems that if the fear of her getting hurt is the cause of severing all ties that makes sense.

But, ask yourself if it's because she broke one of your code of honors? That comes from your ego and the need to control people.

I could understand if she came to your house stole your things, assaulted your OH, brought drug addicts into your home in the middle of the night and started a fire due to smoking crack, and burnt your house down and endangered your family. That would be hard to forgive. But a lie and a bad choice? Palease...............................

Most woman get into abusive relationships because they didn't have a father figure in their lives. I'm not saying that was your fault. But if you bail now she will most likely continue dating men like this. If you stay active in her life and let that boyfriend of hers know you're not leaving and you have your eye on him. Maybe she might get out of this in one piece.

Another thing, if you stick with her that will be one step in facing PTSD because we tend to run and detach when we don't like what we see or feel.

It's your life, live it how you want. This is just me 2 cents.
Good Luck!
Tammy

 

[Annie]

Oh, what a difficult situation. And, if I may be blunt, what a ridiculous choice you two have made, to cut contact over this one thing. I hope you can reconcile, as you clearly love each other.

It's impossible to know what really happened between her and her boyfriend. It was wrong of her boyfriend to hit her, whether or not she hit him as well. Perhaps she is now being truthful about her role, or perhaps she is backpedaling because she feels she must have played a role (thinking as an abuse victim).

Although you may be disappointed in her choice to return to the boyfriend, she has made that choice--hearing that you are disappointed will not change her opinion, though it may make her more determined to prove you wrong.

Perhaps you two could discuss why she didn't tell you she played a larger role in the initial argument. Telling her you don't trust her will do nothing to build her trust in you. You are her father, and I think the best thing you could do for her is make it clear that you are there for her no matter what her choices are, that you will love her no matter what she does.

These are just my opinions, mind. But I would worry less about whether PTSD is somehow responsible for your behavior and more about identifying the kind of relationship you want with your daughter and how you can achieve it.

Hi Riggs, I have to say, being an abuse victim and being a daughter of a father who doesn't always agree with my choices, and I have made some doozies in my time (and I have periods of times where we cut ties as well)...I would have to say I agree 100% with everything that kers said in her post.
The role PTSD plays in this decision is probably secondary.
She is your daughter and will always be. She hasn't killed anyone, she is simply walking her own road. You can walk it with or without her in your life. You may want to think long and hard about that, and keep in mind, if she has children, you lose them too. If she doesn't yet, this may very well be the man she has your grandchildren with. If you ever want to have them all in your life, be patient and supportive. Choose your battles, we learn that when they are little, it still applies.

JMO...
Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Annie
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[anthony]

Mate... that is a cracker and I have my own issues with an extremely stubborn teenage son. I guess all I have done is ensure he knows I am here for him when he wants to contact me... as I have tried and he is obviously to busy with nothing... though my choice is to just be dad and be here when he is ready. I believe PTSD makes us stubborn.... extremely stubborn actually, and often we have the black and white thinking helping us along that PTSD portrays. It was difficult for me to change black and white thinking to include shades of grey... being understanding and letting go of control with certain things in life... other people being one of those things.

I guess if you are happy with the decision, truly happy that is, then it is the right decision for you. If not.... and you know if you're fooling yourself or not, then maybe instead of waiting for her, try and contact her yourself and apologize for your bad behaviour (if bad) and maybe she will follow, open up the communication again and off you go. I think one thing as a parent is that we all try and control our children through their stupid mistakes, as we know being older and more experienced to life where things are going to end for them. It is difficult even now for me to just let go, say my piece when needed, and whether they listen to my advice or not, just accept that they must make their own silly mistakes, regardless how painful, and learn for themselves just as I learnt even though my parents already warned me, tried to stop me with certain things.... they knew from experience also.... but I had to learn and they had to just pickup the pieces afterwards.

The learning to sit back and let children learn came from my father.... when as an adult he then told me the hardest thing is to let them go and make the very mistakes we made, yet cannot tell them, they must learn themselves regardless how tough.

Riggs.... only you can know whether your decision is right or wrong for you mate... nobody could ever tell you that, even opinionated.... nobody can tell you what is truly right or wrong for your life.

Question for you... Do you believe you have done the right thing in your heart? and; Do you really not want to have contact with your child for the rest of your life?

If the answers are Yes & Yes.... then it is right for you. If a No exists.... then maybe you answered your own problem! Someone always has to step past the initial pride and make the first move after hard words are said.... pride is a boundary for all people, male and female.

 

[Grama-Herc]

I am the parent of a child I have not seen or heard from in 12 years. While our reasons for this are different from yours, the outcome---well---you could be looking at your outcome right here.

I have just lived through the worst 12 years of my life. I did not know if my child was even alive! ! ! ! ! ! There was nothing I could do to correct this painful mess. I had no way to contact my child and TRY to fix the mess. My child simply disappeared off the face of my earth!

Call you daughter, apologize for the not trusting comment and anything else you may have said to upset her. Reinforce your love for her, say how you are just worried for her safety and STRESS that you will be just a phone call away if she ever needs you and that your door is always open.

I can tell you that loosing a daughter like this is hell on earth. I lost my daughter! ! !
I have, however, been blessed! ! ! She is coming to visit me in "1" week.

Want to talk about PTSD. I am terrified that I am going to say or do something wrong and she is going to leave me again.

You still have the chance to repair your relationship with her. Swallow your pride, bite the bullet and for God sakes-----Get her back in your life before it is to late.

The reasons for this split DO NOT MATTER NOTHING MATTERS BUT GETTING HER BACK IN YOUR LIFE! ! Screw the reasons and the PTSD. Once you get her back you can try to explain that those of us who suffer from this shit tend to speak first and think later.

Good luck, I am praying for you and your daughter. If I can help, let me know. I have been there--done that--even got the tshirt!

 

[Riggs413]

Thank you to those that have replied. Your opinions have been noted and I will now have to examine what everyone has said and figure out what to do with the advice.

Again, thanks to you all.

Riggs