Does Someone Relate? Reaching Out For Someone

[Lifalif]

Since I found this site about a month ago, I´ve been discovering and getting answers to questions I´ve been asking myself for many years.
This website is a goldmine in my case.

I´ve had both good and bad feelings since coming here and I need to know from someone if this is something that happens to most people when they first come here or is it just me.
I feel it stirring up something inside me.
I'm not sure what it may lead to if I go deeper and let it come up to the surface, but perhaps in the end that would be very therapeutic and good for me.
Don´t get me wrong, I love this site it has taught me more than any other website has ever done before.
But I´m sad to find out that I´m more damaged than I thought I was and I mean a lot more.
In fact, all I am is PTSD related and now I feel such a hopeless case because it has been manifesting in me for so long now.

I know now that PTSD is the biggest reason of me being who I am and now I feel it even better than ever how I lack the sense of me inside of me and instead I feel like a big tangled of PTSD symptoms,
I´m just this and that and I am from here and there.
Like I am not a complete person.

Does anyone get me when I´m describing the above?
Is anyone here also discovering how much PTSD is and has affected their life´s like I am?

For years I´ve been feeling this lack of identity but thought I was just imagining this and those feelings were not based on what was right.
But now I know that the feeling I had is right and it´s just one of many PTSD symptoms I have or sometimes had and I´m reading about it all here.

Since finding this website, it´s been like an emotional rolller coaster, I´m constantly reflecting on my past with PTSD glasses now on, thinking more and deeper about my trauma´s and feeling of being just a hopeless case.
Is this normal? What can I expect?

Anyone that relates about finding the website, triggering at first stirring up hard feelings?
If so, was it for it´s better or worse?

I´m reaching out for someone that relates and/or knows

 

[Lifalif]

The photo attached describes me pretty well but I found this pic here.

 

[hodge]

I do relate to what you've written, Lifalif. This forum is very good for getting info about PTSD and getting support, but it is also triggering. Anthony wrote a great thread about this that is sticky noted in . . . hold on, I'll go get the link.

 

[hodge]

Here it is: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/reading-forum-increases-symptoms.13886/

 

[Lifalif]

Thank you for the link it was very informative reading for me.

 

[katz]

I think that I understand what your feeling. I have been dealing with my "5 demons" for over 4 decades now. As I learn more, it depresses me sometimes, because I wonder "who am I?" I don't know which parts are from the "demons" and which parts are me. I remind myself that I can be anyone I want to be. But, I think I will always wonder "who was I supposed to be?" I makes me very sad sometimes. And sometimes angry at these people who did this to me.

 

[Bluemoonwillow]

@Lifalif I totally understand where you are coming from. I was told I may have PTSD years ago, I stopped seeing the therapist who told me that. I have been struggling on my own. One day recently I decided to research PTSD and stumbled in here. It helps because I know people can relate, but it is also making me evaluate myself my life and my concepts a lot being here. I have to go in low doses coming on here because I can get overwhelmed and get hit hard with flashbacks and bad feelings. It is a two edged knife coming here sometimes, but at least now I know I am not alone, although I would t wish it on anyone.