Does Your H/significant Other Go Elsewhere For Intimacy?

[HëllaBubz]

Thanks hun, I'm guess I'm mainly here because I just need to know I'm not alone, and even though my partner and I talk, its still always good to talk to other people.

I guess its not really functional, but its better than him going out of his mind.

So far, its working OK, but we are always wanting to improve our situation and relationship, so we are more than happy to get out of the situation we are in now.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Masturbation?

 

[Pale Warrior]

Get yourself a strapon and do some role reversal? (plenty of lube, natch)

 

[HëllaBubz]

*ahem* one of those broke, and the other has raw spots.:rolleyes:

you do the math. :roflmao::oops::roflmao:

on another note, we had tried everything we could think of to try address this problem for several months, it was at the 4 month mark that the breaking point was reached.

 

[HëllaBubz]

:inlove: men will be the death of me I swear! :D
at least this one I'm more than willing to die for, or do anything for!:inlove:

 

[Pale Warrior]

Just food for thought, but I had to re evaluate our sex life when husband suffered catastrophic pelvic injuries that made any kind of pelvic sex impossible - potentially for life. I decided to stay and live with it, I loved him and it was for better and for worse, sickness and health.

If something like that hit one of you, do you think you woud stick or fold?

 

[HëllaBubz]

Well, for us, we have talked about what you have said, and honestly, we would stick together, and whatever issues popped up over time, we would deal with, as we have now.

I come from a family where divorce is highly frowned upon, and you are excommunicated if you initiate a divorce for anything less than adultery on the part of your partner.
And it is for this reason that I chose to stay and work it through, and so does my partner.

 

[EloiseLandau]

This is what I get for going to lectures on Saturdays.

No, TheBubzilla, you're not alone.

Maybe perusing a Savage Love would help, too. Although the stuff is very very very "nothing is sacred" and a lot of material may be triggering.

 

[ProudWife99]

I may be way off base here, but if it hurt him so terribly badly to have a sexual relationship with someone else that he is in tears over it while it continues to hurt you, it doesn't seem to be a win-win situation for anyone.

My traumatic experiences and history make me crave chaos and fighting. I also needed someone to have sex with me to validate that I was worth something. Just because we believe we NEED something to be happy does not mean it is a healthy way to BE happy. I've always had an active sex life and when I got married and my husband couldn't always provide that for me, I had to investigate why I needed the physical act of sex to feel loved/worthy/complete.

I think it is an unhealthy way to deal with an unhealthy need. Love and intimacy can be expressed without the physical act of sex. But, that is only my opinion.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Thanks for that Eloise, it's nice to hear that occasionally! :D

On another note, my partner is so sick of this situation, that he has said that he is no longer going, and that he just can't handle being with anyone other than me.

And then I got blindsided by a round about proposal! It doesn't stand as an official proposal, as he is still working on getting a ring that he likes,:rolleyes: but a proposal none the less!:inlove:

 

[20yrswife]

I see this is an older thread and was curious how things were going.

Also, if you were starting to feel aroused more easily again (after the BC method was removed) and he has his feels of want, too. If you guys got or could get to a point where you could (at least) pleasure yourself and/or vice versa in the same bed. Maybe get to the point where there are backrubs, a little fondling between the two of you.

This is all new to us, with husband's recent return from deployment. However, that is one thing that I proposed to him for consideration when he's ready. He said he still feels urges to want with me, attracted to me, turned on by me, just can't engage. And I'm 24/7 'on' right now, because he's just returned home, his smell, having him around me. In a situation like that, he was able to look at photos I sent while deployed and 'perform' alone, so in your situation - maybe watching for the two of you, would be a help - for now? Or a 'toy' and at some point you would be comfortable with his using on you? And eventually lead to the ability to fully. And of course, if you guys are comfortable with cuddling and holding hands afterwards.

I think it's interesting that he has ended going to the professional. He wants only you. That is a really important revelation to have.

 

[bethinhfx]

I will be honest with you. I am not sure everyone could do this but I met someone that I was very very attracted to during a very difficult time in my life. The attraction was mutual but they were otherwise engaged and I was kind of a mess. I had a really strong sense of them, and one night I felt myself kind of holding this person--- even though they weren't there. I am not lying when I say that it has been now 3 years and we have been having sex-- without having sex.

Its fascinating. I have a strong sense of them. Its sexy, nurturing, playful, full of sexual satisfaction and we haven't had sex. I have seen them, physically, maybe twice in the last 3 years and we haven't even spoken. Its weird and I am not sure how its happening but its kept me safe and its been amazing; during the most difficult time in my life I would crawl into bed and they would be there! I am not sure how, why etc., but it is possible to " release" without actually having physical sex. I am just trying to figure out if I can say I have been celibate (its been that good). :)