General Does Your Ptsd Relationship Affect Your Job?

[dulcia]

Personal examples:

- Leaving work early or calling in sick because he needs help or is in crisis (excluding obvious crisis days like anniversaries, Veteran's day, etc.)
- Taking a break//hiding/crying in the bathroom throughout the day
- Losing productivity at work due to things going on in the relationship
- Being all over this forum instead of doing actual work
- Taking last minute time off for "me days" after a particularly stressful PTSD trigger/episode/attack


Am I alone in this? If not, do you deal by plowing through at work or calling in and taking an afternoon to decompress?

 

[Newtoptsd]

100% with you.

Pulled a sickie yesterday. Cried so many times in the toilet. Spend all day clicking back onto this site to see the little red notification/browse through posts when no-ones looking. Not gone into work because he was in a bad way.

HOWEVER .... I actually do hate my job so I'm not blaming it all on PTSD.

 

[Snowflakes]

@tiredtexan You are not alone. I had to quit my job because of my sufferer. Dealing with the fallout itself is a job. It has taken a long time but I've moved past the resentment from that. No....you are not alone.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yep. I don't call in "sick" a lot, and I don't get many breaks to have a cry... but I have had many a hysterical phone calls that threw off my productivity. I've had to go in many times after being up all night with my sufferer. I've had to deal with the guilt from "you don't love me if you go to work" episodes. Distractions. Exhaustion.

 

[TheMinsterman]

It's completely grounded my PhD studies to a halt I've not been able to face doing the work, mentally I have been fried.

 

[grimalkin]

I had to quit a job that was stressful to me (but something I could handle) but loved because my stress caused him stress, so I was given the ultimatum of him or my job. AND, the added stress on me, of his not being able to handle when I had to bring work home (weekend dispatching meant carrying around another cell phone, a giant book of schedules, lists, phone numbers, itineraries, everywhere, all weekend, day and night), added to my own depression and anxiety, which led to my needing time off. It was a vicious cycle. Going to part time didn't help. Keeping the phone with me, and sleeping on the couch when I had it, didn't help.

At the time, PTSD wasn't part of the equation - or, if anyone has been following my tale, it was, but the diagnosis wasn't. IE, I was still working with the idea that it was "just" depression, anxiety, anger management, etc etc etc.

In retrospect, it makes sense. Having a phone that could ring any time (and did! 02:00 phone calls were common) stressed ME out. I can't imagine for someone who needs quiet and solitude, having that intruded upon constantly...it sucked for everyone, and was probably better for me in the long run too, lol.

In the last year, when I've been in the least stressful job I can imagine (part time, I can sleep in, take time off if I need it, and the office itself is quiet), even that has been too much for him. He can't remember what day during the week I have off, because I had to change it from Wednesday to Tuesday for our (no longer occurring) counseling appointments. And, he gets discombobulated if I have to take a different day off for something else. My schedule is regular, but flexible if I need it, but still, any variation he just can't handle.

 

[grimalkin]

Also, I'm lucky now that I can work from home if I need to, and have a boss who understands mental illness, since she suffers herself, and I think HER almost-ex-husband has PTSD as well. So best possible scenario, and ironically, still causes stress.

 

[dulcia]

my stress caused him stress, so I was given the ultimatum of him or my job. AND, the added stress on me, of his not being able to handle when I had to bring work home

I had two jobs that mine could not handle at all. The first one he didn't like because it reminded him of the stuff he had to deal with in the military, and the second he loathed because of the kind of work, but also because I got hurt on the job, so I can't really blame him on that one. I guess I was lucky in that I didn't really like either job, so it wasn't as much of a tug of war for me, but I can't imagine being in your situation. So glad you get to work from home now, thought! That is the absolute best.

 

[ManagerWife]

I feel like my sufferer is trying to sabotage my new job, my dream job, and our marriage. I work from home but can not be interupted. I cringe if he has a week day off, he constantly interupts my work. Yesterday he forgot to pick up the kids from school! I had to drop work and fly out the door! Today he blew up in his cyclone of rage WHILE I WAS WORKING over me asking him if he needed help with what he was attempting to do on the computer next to me. He then storms out of the house, slamming the door and drives off like a madman. (Just paid $400 in speeding tickets in 2 months!)

Yes I've missed work because of his crisis, I've cried in the bathroom. Ive lost productivity. I've lost sleep. I've lost myself.

Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries can never go smoothly.

He's sleeping on the couch tonight. I need my space. I'm overwhelmed with him, his cycles of madness, rage and irrationality.

I am heartbroken and feel sick to my stomach right now because I feel in my heart that I should end this. He's become worse. He's medicated and in therapy (for only the last month though). I'm torn. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health. He's destroyed so much, financially, verbally, repeatedly.

HE FORGOT TO PICK UP THE KIDS FROM SCHOOL!!!

He is a mess. I already can't trust him with our money and now obviously with the kids.

I think it's called compassion fatigue. I do feel like I'm pulling away. I don't want him to touch me, our sex life has dwindled to non existent. I can't even kiss him anymore.

This sucks.

 

[dulcia]

Definitely sounds like you could use some space to sort your head out, @ManagerWife. I hope you get that.

 

[Linzee]

Yep, definitely! Can't focus as much as I should. Had a tough training day this week and couldn't eat my lunch as my SO was on my mind. Kept feeling like I would walk out in tears, if one more person rushed me to do something. Not like me at all....

 

[Sighs]

Oh god yes. He expects me to work fulltime in a reasonably demanding job but resents the time it takes me away from him. He expects me to answer my phone if he calls even if I'm in client meetings. I have been reduced to tears many times, not to mention time spent on this site while at work - as I can't be on it at home as he doesn't know about it - not to mention time wasted staring into space feeling totally overwhelmed. Does his PTSD affect my job? Every. single. day.