Doing basic financial skills training...

[Ecdysis]

Oh and to maybe make you feel a bit better...? You're actually ahead of me with the budgeting part. I've dipped my toes in that... Wrote down like the 10 regular fixed monthly expenses I could think of (rent, utilities, etc) and my income... and that was it! I put it away and have avoided it since...

I figured I needed to start on the tracking of other expenses (that aren't a fixed monthly amount) like groceries and gas... so that I could get an overview of that spending... I don't know what it's called... when it's not a fixed thing.... I don't think it's discretionary spending... Not sure, but I think that's the name for the grown-up version of pocket money... You know, whether you go to the movies or buy yourself a treat... But buying groceries isn't like that... It's a necessary - but it's not a "fixed" amount like rent is...

Anyway, just wanted to say that I've got that particular nightmare (of finishing the budget and then eeeek trying to balance it) ahead of me still.

So I guess I'm pacing myself too... Doing what feels just-manageable... And for me, so far that's been the bare-bones elements of the budget (then freaking out about that a bit) and then just doing the mechanical thing of entering my spending into the app... Which also freaked me out hugely initially, but I've become quite good at just forcing myself to log each purchase and to accept that as a (now) helpful part of my (new) relationship to money.


Interestingly, about a week ago, I made a purchase that I could tell was an "impulse buy" type purchase. Things that I definitely didn't need. It was really weird. It was something I bought online... And I let it sit in my online "shopping cart" for quite a while, trying to get myself not to buy it... It was weird tho... I could tell there was something going on in my subconscious with it... I did end up buying it (it was weird, it felt like I was "compelled" to do it) and it was like I was "watching myself do it". It wasn't a huge amount of money and won't be what blows my budget, so I figured it was a good learning experience at least... So yeah, making mistakes along the way... but finding the room to turn them into learning opportunities...

 

[Rose White]

I can say that the first couple of weeks were the worst for me. Like you, I had so much panic, shame, sadness, helplessness, worry wash over me intially. It felt so overwhelming

Thank you so much for sharing!!! I didn’t realize it could be that way for others.

Glad to have you on this journey with me - glad I'm not going through it alone!

Feeling the same! So lucky and grateful you started this thread!

It was weird tho... I could tell there was something going on in my subconscious with it... it was like I was "watching myself do it".

Interesting! I remember when this happened with my recovery! Before recovery I was on auto- pilot with what I did and what I said. And I remember the first times I watched myself and it was very strange and I remember sharing with T and she was SO proud of me; I had no idea it was such a big deal. So I think that’s happening for you! And for me I guess.

I don’t know why the woozy feeling though!! I did not expect this to be so destabilizing. I will take breaks and self care. I don’t think I could have done this while I was running the SI and self-hatred scripts in my head.

 

[Ecdysis]

I really like Kate Northrup's take on money - her book on it is called "Money, A Love Story" - because she doesn't look at it "mathematically" like many financial people do, but "psychologically". And she turns it from a fear-based thing into a love-oriented thing.

She basically says that money is a kind of "energy" (I mean, money is a purely human invention right? We print numbers on bits of paper and give them an arbitrary "value" that we all collectively agree on...) So it's about working out how to use that energy in your life...

I really like that approach... And I like YNAB because they sort of work in that vein too...

 

[Ecdysis]

Thank you so much for sharing!!! I didn’t realize it could be that way for others.

Oh and I think this applies to wayyyyy, wayyyy more people that you realise... Because we all keep this stuff a secret and nobody talks about it openly, we all think it's "just us". But it's truly not. Even people who have 6 figure incomes are often really insecure, cos they're making poor financial choices too and are worried what happens if their income reduces, etc. Finanical anxiety is sooo widespread. But we're all great at putting on a fake "I'm fine thanks" smile on about it, so nobody would guess...

 

[Rose White]

Because we all keep this stuff a secret and nobody talks about it openly

This is really frustrating! I recently voted in a local election and one of the candidates for county treasurer had on his platform creating a financial literacy program for local high schools! He definitely got my vote. But how odd that the districts themselves don’t even do it! Why is this knowledge and awareness kept hidden from people? Frustrating! Some people just “get it”, like my mom. My mom has a limited education and is emotionally immature but she has the money thing down pat! Some people just get it. I guess like anything. Some people are just strong and good at physical activity. Some people are just emotionally stable regardless of trauma. That’s just how life is I guess.

The money thing is just so frustrating! Like anything I suppose but it feels… bigger—probably because I’m dealing with it!!

Ok, am rambling

 

[Ecdysis]

I wonder whether in part it's a power thing? Historically money = power.

So those who had/ have money have an interest in the poor masses not having good financial skills?

 

[Rose White]

@Ecdysis you make a good point!

 

[Friday]

The extra expenses were voice lessons for my daughter, dentist for my daughter, and my clay class. The rest was bills, utilities and food. My grocery costs are astronomical. I never go out to eat.

I turned a $2100 a month food bill into a $600-$700 a month bill by regularly shopping 5 different stores, and intermittently shopping half a dozen more. Exact. Same. Foods. Bought. But store A has XYZ on sale, store B 123 on sale, store C 66% below retail, etc. It’s an annoying process to set up, but an almost impossible one to dismiss/doscard after living. Seriously. It’s almost physically painful to buy everything I need/want from the same venue. As the accumulated cost is… soooooo substantial.

I probably never would have noticed/cared if I weren’t feeding 20 people. As a singleton? That’s 30 cents, or 60 cents, here & there. Up that by 10? 30 or 60 bucks. By 20? 60 or a hundred bucks. It MATTERS to me if I’m paying 99c or 1.30. Because over time? That’s 1/3. $333 dollars per $1,000. EVENTUALLY I got my food costs to 1/3 of retail. So $600-700, instead of $2100.

 

[Rose White]

I’m thinking about doing online shopping (for pick up) for everything except produce and meat—as much as it is a pain, because it’s easier to see how much I’m spending. Even thinking about categorizing types of groceries (meat, dairy, general merchandise, etc.). *Thinking* being the operative word!

@Ecdysis, I’m using Rocket Money app where it connects to your checking account so I don’t have to manually enter anything. And it automatically saves for you, based on your own goal and won’t save if your checking account goes below a certain amount. Also—and I have never seen this—you can choose how much you want to pay for subscription cost! It’s a sliding scale based on honor system.

The down side is that since it’s doing all the categorizing for me, I have less incentive to really track my spending manually, but I am feeling motivated to begin looking more often! And to think about saving receipts, just to see. I’m starting to get a hankering to track my spending, which is a really good sign!!!

 

[Ecdysis]

The down side is that since it’s doing all the categorizing for me, I have less incentive to really track my spending manually, but I am feeling motivated to begin looking more often! And to think about saving receipts, just to see. I’m starting to get a hankering to track my spending, which is a really good sign!!!

I was thinking this too... Try it and see... I know the 20 - 30 seconds it takes me to manually enter each payment is an important mental/ psychological moment that makes it sink in...

 

[Rose White]

I went to the graduation for the financial literacy class and I still felt stupid. I am such a slow learner! I need so much encouragement and hand-holding and lots of discussion and reflection to develop new habits

Other people shared that they used the spread sheet which was shared and I paid for rocket money so I’m not really putting much work into it and still not watching, just there’s more of a record of my money I guess?

Also others met with the one-on-one coaches and figured out how to save money. I couldn’t even remember who the coaches were.

I want to take more classes. Someone at the graduation gave me a referral to more community classes.

We got our checks and mine is exactly half the cost of my damn speeding ticket. But seriously what a blessing to have that. Little hug from the universe.

I just feel kind of overwhelmed.

I need a class or mentor to help me with learning how to develop the habit of using a calendar. I feel so dumb about scheduling time and managing money.

Ah well. It’s just how I feel right now. Because I am holding my head up and looking around and trying to learn. But it is overwhelming. Probably because I thought I was incapable of managing my life for decades even when I was married. Freida said I was taught that I couldn’t do it. No one ever said that to me but somehow they still taught me that.

It’s just hard sometimes. It really is.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

I think this is overwhelming for everyone. I was talking to an old friend, who doesn't have PTSD, and they were telling me about how no one ever taught them to budget. And same with me. I've had to piece everything together from bits here and there and its STILL a work in progress. You are not alone.