Doing basic financial skills training...

[Rose White]

I guess what confounds me is that my mom is SO good at it.

That might have something to do with my resistance. Since I was so enmeshed my psyche tries very hard to *not* be like my mom or dad—prolonged or stunted individuation.

Maybe I need to do some DMT to clear my psychic enmeshment . Or do the hard stupid work.

 

[Ecdysis]

Saw this today:

I don't think I'm over-saving (unfortunately!)

But I like the approaches of how to change *feelings* about money...

Like rewarding yourself for sticking to a budget and investing in your savings by buying something "you've always dreamt of" as a way of recalibrating our relationship to money, if it's gotten bogged down in negativity...

 

[Friday]

That might have something to do with my resistance. Since I was so enmeshed my psyche tries very hard to *not* be like my mom or dad—prolonged or stunted individuation

I need a class or mentor to help me with learning how to develop the habit of using a calendar. I feel so dumb about scheduling time and managing money.

I think this is overwhelming for everyone. I was talking to an old friend, who doesn't have PTSD, and they were telling me about how no one ever taught them to budget. And same with me. I've had to piece everything together from bits here and there and its STILL a work in progress. You are not alone.

I learned how to budget by having an accountant… and first doing what they told me to do, and then copying what they were doing for me. It was a process that took years… and I STILL prefer to have an accountant!

LeSigh. I had this whole PLAN in place to teach my kid how to budget & manage money, in vivo, by gradually increasing his allowance on his half birthday every year whilst increasing WHAT he was responsible for paying… until high school… when the allowance would be equal to a full time minimum wage job, and his responsibilities included rent/utilities/groceries/insurance/clothes/sports/dates/doctors/etc. ALL the living expense things I paid for… with his contribution going into a “Moving Out” saving account. Both so that all the screwups that happen when people are learning how to manage money (late rent, not enough to pay the dentist and tuition, etc.) would happen under a safety net AND so that he had a couple few thousand in savings to start off with when leaving home.

Man plans? God laughs.

 

[Rose White]

Good to know and appreciate you sharing a bit of your story @Friday ! There’s no laugh and love emoji!

 

[abovedown]

Was listening to a podcast about the history of the American economy. And they were talking about the financial sector and one of the guys talked about how ATM cards have made such a difference for people “so that they don’t have to go down to the bank on Saturday morning and wait 30 minutes to pull out money like my grandparents did.”

And I thought about what a different world that was and imagined what that would be like. And then I thought back to the budgeting class and the teacher talked about “the envelope system” and how paying with cash changes the way you think about money, feeling it and seeing it. She recommended picking three things you can pay for with cash and then trying it for a month. It changes how you spend.

And so hearing that about pulling out money on a Saturday—actually gave me a sense of sort of wistfulness for times gone. And then I actually started to think to myself, “What are all the things I can pay for with cash?”

So I’m developing the inspiration and motivation to begin the hard process of writing out my first monthly budget, which will involve

• Categorizing all my spending
• Reviewing spending from previous months
• Guessing how much I will spend in each category for the next month
• Figuring out what can be paid for in cash

Paying with cash seems kind of scary. Like someone will steal it or I’ll lose it. But it also seems empowering and a bit counterculture—like what if I frickin drove down to the electric company and paid with cash. Nope, not gonna do that. My time is precious. And it might mess up my automatic payment system. But it’s interesting thinking about it. And I have had times in my life where I couldn’t pay bills and had to go down to the gas company and pay partially in person. But that’s not my life anymore.

So what’s my goal, and focus? What I outlined above. To explore the envelope system.

And I find it rather interesting that the first speaker talked about paying with cash to watch your money but the second speaker, the credit lady, said basically the opposite. Pay all your monthly expenses with a credit card then use your budgeted money to pay off the credit card. I guess that would be down the line after I can figure out how to even watch my money.

Ugh. Feeling a bit stressed out after writing all this out. Not looking for sympathy. I guess this thread is becoming kind of like a diary form for me. I’m just dropping my thoughts about the class. And venting about my own resistance to budgeting.

I would honestly be be a bit wary with instruction on using credit card for every day things like gas or groceries. I use cash or debut card for this and credit card only if I need to a bigger purchase: like a holiday/hotel reservation. Sometimes paying machines can also act up and then paying is possible only with credit cards or cash

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

I think the credit card/debit card vs cash system is different for different folk. I understand the idea of watching the money leave as having a powerful deterrent, but for me, it is the opposite. I panic when I watch my credit card balance go up or my checking balance go down. But cash is cash, and I don't see the movement of the numbers in the accounts, so it just feels like "free" money. I think the important thing is to understand your own relationship to cash/credit and then proceed accordingly.

 

[Rose White]

I understand what you are saying @RainbowSearchParty and agree! I am afraid of credit cards and don’t like them! But in the class they stressed over and over (and over) the importance of the credit score in modern life. I still haven’t got on board with it but I am more aware of it.

 

[Ecdysis]

I have a credit card and use it carefully, but yeah, you only improve your credit score by using your credit card and repaying it. It's kinda nuts, but that's how it is.

 

[Friday]

I understand what you are saying @RainbowSearchParty and agree! I am afraid of credit cards and don’t like them! But in the class they stressed over and over (and over) the importance of the credit score in modern life. I still haven’t got on board with it but I am more aware of it.

I use a business credit card. I haven’t had a credit card in my name since 2011? 2010? Right around there.

After 10 years of ONLY paying cash? My credit score was 700 BUT with no recent history, it might as well have been 200. Easy fix. Filed to create a business, and got banking/credit/etc. that way. As long as I pay all the correct taxes, which are minimal, there’s no fraud -or other illegality- involved. Corporations have more rights & protection than individuals in most ways, in this country. And corporations can rent/lease/buy cars, homes, tickets, phones, mailboxes, airline miles, etc.; all the things an individual might need credit history to accomplish without profound difficulty.

 

[Rose White]

@Friday you are the cleverest!

 

[abovedown]

I love this thread abd how practical it is!

 

[Ecdysis]

So, I have a mini-accomplishment to report... My finances/ budget are still a looooong way from being perfect, but I'm making some progress.

I've been able to get the "buffer" in my normal bank account up from $ 0 for the last year or two, to first $ 500 for a couple of months now and this month I've got about $ 750 as a buffer/ emergency reserve.

The basic aim here being to get out of the "paycheck-to-paycheck" cycle thing... Basic financial "first aid" 101 is to have one month's worth of income/ expenses in reserve, so that if there are any fluctuations (eg car repair, vet bill, dentist bill, washing machine breaks down) then it's not immediately an existential threat because the next month's rent/ groceries are covered.

I can't say that I've "done" something specific to achieve this goal - I've just been constantly more mindful about my spending and saving and budgeting and that's helped build up that buffer.

Things still feel very precarious - obviously 1 month's buffer is tiny in the grand scheme of things and is barely any protection if two things go wrong (eg car repair and vet bill, or dentist bill and washing machine)... But it does feel a lot better and safer than zero buffer, which just makes me incredibly anxious and tense and unable to sleep at night. So, feeling deeply grateful to have this one financial "bandaid" at the moment, that just provides a slight feeling like a security blanket when I check my banking app and see those $ sitting there, being my personal safety net.

And I guess there's a sense of achievment/ self-confidence because this isn't just down to "dumb luck" but is something I've been working at for a few months now, very diligently, facing my fears and my demons, pushing through them and achieving this result with hard work and grit. So it's giving me a bit of a sense of having some degree of "control" over my situation and not just being subjected to "whatever" randomly happens to me.