Ok I held tight onto this topic for a long time. I posted a week or so ago about attending a small house party of 8 people and how to survive that. (Short story: It was okay and I guess it was good to hang out with actual people!) Well, I was invited for tonight to a charity benefit with some 150 people attending.
I was terrified! I've become close to an agoraphobe after staying home so much being depressed and anxious.
You have to say yes or no to these things in advance. I said yes, then I picked out a suitable outfit, and went on my way. (Not easy, by any means. The waiting is often the hardest part for me, the chance to think about it, what might go wrong, what it will be like, etc.)
but when I got there, I did my charming thing that I used to do! I am not directly involved in this charity, but my friend is, and it's always been natural to me to do a little schmoozing ... when you're raising money, or attempting to show a good time to a well-known personage of some sort, you learn this little back-and-forth, flattering people; I used to be damn good at it, AND I can't help it. I go out and there's this "Allie Act" that I can't help but put on. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I don't - it is almost always exhausting. It used to be part of my paid work and part of my volunteer work.... so now that I feel able to re-join society, to some extent, I am re-figuring my place in it.
So, I hope that my presence tonight helped people decide to donate more. Maybe someone filled out one of the cards in the "goody bags" to become regular donors. Or hell, if I made someone else enjoy the event more, it is worthwhile! They paid to get in; a good time is key.
And maybe they'll have a similar event next year, and this person will remember a good time. It's a large, worthy charity (food bank), and it was a good event, they had good things going, and they do good work.
I said good a lot, didn't I?
I would like to apply that energy to causes of my own. Talking to people and being friendly can make such a large difference at not-for-profit events and at some point, I hope that I will be reliable enough to donate that energy to causes of my own. At the moment, I can't commit to things - in this case my friend knew I might want or need to melt away from the crowd. But I didn't need to, so I had fun AND helped with the fundraising. These seem like little things to many people, but it is all a big deal to me now.
Thank you to everyone here at myptsd, encouraging me to get out and get on with things that I used to enjoy doing. Now that I've been through this one particular event, I have hope for myself again, and the idea that I might be able to do good in the world, in the future.
-And of course I don't have to be an angel - it doesn't have to be charity work! I hope to have friends I am comfortable with, I can hang out with and have "normal" good times - like I used to.
I was terrified! I've become close to an agoraphobe after staying home so much being depressed and anxious.
You have to say yes or no to these things in advance. I said yes, then I picked out a suitable outfit, and went on my way. (Not easy, by any means. The waiting is often the hardest part for me, the chance to think about it, what might go wrong, what it will be like, etc.)
but when I got there, I did my charming thing that I used to do! I am not directly involved in this charity, but my friend is, and it's always been natural to me to do a little schmoozing ... when you're raising money, or attempting to show a good time to a well-known personage of some sort, you learn this little back-and-forth, flattering people; I used to be damn good at it, AND I can't help it. I go out and there's this "Allie Act" that I can't help but put on. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I don't - it is almost always exhausting. It used to be part of my paid work and part of my volunteer work.... so now that I feel able to re-join society, to some extent, I am re-figuring my place in it.
So, I hope that my presence tonight helped people decide to donate more. Maybe someone filled out one of the cards in the "goody bags" to become regular donors. Or hell, if I made someone else enjoy the event more, it is worthwhile! They paid to get in; a good time is key.
And maybe they'll have a similar event next year, and this person will remember a good time. It's a large, worthy charity (food bank), and it was a good event, they had good things going, and they do good work.
I said good a lot, didn't I?
I would like to apply that energy to causes of my own. Talking to people and being friendly can make such a large difference at not-for-profit events and at some point, I hope that I will be reliable enough to donate that energy to causes of my own. At the moment, I can't commit to things - in this case my friend knew I might want or need to melt away from the crowd. But I didn't need to, so I had fun AND helped with the fundraising. These seem like little things to many people, but it is all a big deal to me now.
Thank you to everyone here at myptsd, encouraging me to get out and get on with things that I used to enjoy doing. Now that I've been through this one particular event, I have hope for myself again, and the idea that I might be able to do good in the world, in the future.
-And of course I don't have to be an angel - it doesn't have to be charity work! I hope to have friends I am comfortable with, I can hang out with and have "normal" good times - like I used to.
