Dominance and submission

[Mach123]

We go back and forth. I'm not good at being on top so I get reduced to maintenance man in my home. "You have to come look at this something's leaking." Why do I have to do that? Because she has sex with me. But if I start walking around going "I want this or that" or "I want everyone to behave like this or that."
I get told I'm a big bully or insensitive or I have no right to feel, think or act like that.

The therapist tells me there's a balance and I guess there is. We have a balance. You'd have to have to stay married thirty years and still be able to stand each other at all.

Happy Father's Day. Dinner out last night was nice but I didn't like the waitress. I gave her a big tip though so hopefully she won't hold it against me. Plus my kid has to work with her.

 

[The Albatross]

Why this reoccurring thinking theme of "just this" "just that". I would suggest you take a stab at perceptual bias and your role in the home. My mister is the "maintenance man" but he does not share your view of the role. He's made a good living because of people who can't or won't maintain their homes or buildings. What you think of as an exchange for sexual favors in your home definitely isn't that way in ours because I'm celibate in marriage.

I think you two need a mediator to improve communications and to break personal biases and perceptions. Stoking the angst by denigrating your own role in the home doesn't seem to be helping much , huh?

 

[Mach123]

I think u misjudge me but I'm just thinking out loud. I'd say rather you were reading your stuff into what I'm saying but,

I already have a woman I answer to lol!

Ones more than enough!

Thanks so much as always for saying something.

 

[The Albatross]

Words have power/thoughts hold sway but of course you know that already.

 

[Mach123]

I am actively creating my abusers as a re enactment. My own behavior is directly tied to the way people treat me. There are parts of this I can do something about. There are parts that are subconscious. There is a difference.

A difference. A dichotomy. A positive and a negative.

That's me.

The person abusing me often is being invited by me. I invite and encourage the behavior. It's subtle and I don't see it.

I have battered women's syndrome? Kinda like Munchhausen by proxy. I'm in love with my abuser. This I think comes from the eroticization of my abuse. Sex is love, sex is abuse, abuse is love.

I'll make you a cup of coffee if you'll be with me. Or I'll feed you, even better.

It's a nightmare. It has good parts though, that's the problem.

 

[Mach123]

I just kept my mouth shut for instance. My wife went on awhile but both of us have to work at keeping a fight going. We were just talking and I mentioned the keto diet and that set her off because she didn't want to talk about food.

So we went back and forth a little, slightly escalating and then I shut up.

It was hard because she poked me with a couple good ones but I didn't respond. Then the heat went out of her slowly and she left on a good note.

Seems so simple.

But we've been locked in for years. So I'm trying to make an effort.

I have to practice and look at the things I'm saying and be sure there are no hidden messages for her in seemingly innocent comments.

This is part of disassociation and I did it for years. Provoking the people around me and thinking I wasn't doing it.

The only one here I can do anything about really is me.