Don't Know What's Going On With Me?!

[Smile]

Past few weeks I've become sort of numb. But still getting consistent panic attacks

I need to move back to Florida but have to wait to take a medical test first (can't get insurance in Florida... Don't ask, ridiculous laws they have there) so it's pushed off for at least 2 weeks.

But... I'm not doing anything to prepare for my move either. I mean, there's not much to do. I'm going to be living out of my car and I bought the necessary things to live out of car with but haven't put them in car yet.

Why, you ask? Well, that would mean my car has to be empty and it's not. I have a storage room here that I'm trying to clear out... Bringing rest of stuff to consolidate into storage room in Florida so I don't have half my life here and half there. But the task just seems insurmountable.

Sooo... Instead of breaking the tasks down into smaller ones as my T suggested I'm just ignoring EVERYTHING.

I've downloaded all these stupid games onto my phone and have obsessively been playing them. Because these games... I can accomplish them! Unlike anything in real life.

I have no natural tools to help me through my anxiety and other crap. I should be exercising/walking... I KNOW it helps me. Like an immediate relief. But can't get myself to. I rely on my meds for relief and it just ain't enough anymore.

Just constantly feeling trapped and frozen in fear. Like ALWAYS.

Haven't seen T in a while. Was trying to wait till I got back to Florida. But maybe I should schedule a session?

Any advice on any of this crap is greatly appreciated.

I'm sorry for such a long post... Didn't mean for it... Verbal diarrhea I suppose

 

[Chimera]

Hi Smile,
I suggest getting an appointment with your T as soon as you can, choosing homelessness, well it would crush anyone. Anyone.
I've lived in my car. I had to. I wouldn't recommend it if there is any workable alternative.
And yes, Florida has the most ridiculous health care options, try to have a forward plan..appointments already in place in time for your arrival, information on shelter. I wish I had reached out..

One. Step. At. A. Time. Is. Forward. Motion.

 

[sun seeker]

But maybe I should schedule a session?

Yup.

When I'm feeling the way you describe, I can't think more than one step ahead. Sometimes, not even that. It takes an outside influence, sometimes, to get me over the hump of "this is too big even to contemplate" and into action.

Sounds like @Chimera and I are that outside influence at the moment. Get an appointment with your therapist. It starts with picking up the phone. :-)

 

[Chava]

I relate to getting sucked into things like games as distractions vs doing stuff (distractions aren't all bad, of course). Even when not stressed or numb, I can be very scattered and have very little drive to do things that I don't NEED to do right now. I let things pile up.

What helps me sometimes is the right kind of music in my mp3 player and picking ONE task and just doing it (music helps organize me...it's like a distraction from my thoughts but it also helps me move). Or sometimes I set an alarm for 10-15 minutes and just do anything...whatever I see around me that needs doing...and just do stuff for 10-15 minutes. The alarm helps give me structure. When it beeps I do whatever I want again, distractions etc. Sometimes I actually get caught up in taking care of things (cleaning the kitchen, whatever) and just finish, even if the alarm goes off. But just getting started is the hard part.

 

[Smile]

Hi Smile,
I suggest getting an appointment with your T as soon as you can, choosing homelessness, well...

Thank you :) shelters are a big no no for me. Scared of being attacked, too many pple, too much noise, ect.

I have extended family I can stay by but would rather live out of car. Trying to think of it as an adventure... Maybe make a blog of it. I did it about 2 years ago for about a month and it was horrible but this time I'm prepared.

I just don't have any other options at the moment... I'm hoping I'll be able to get some sort of part time job and be able to move into an apartment soon.

Maybe disability will come through... Yeh right! Been fighting for it for over 2 years now

Reached out to T... Thanks :)

 

[Smile]

Yup.

When I'm feeling the way you describe, I can't think more than one step ahead. Sometimes, not...

Thanks :) I emailed T

 

[Chava]

Also I know it's hard to direct myself at all when I feel a big empty, unresolved situation looming...like I don't know what I'm moving or directing my efforts towards. So anything you can do to work on the housing/moving issue might help ?? So you don't feel like you are packing or doing stuff without a clear end goal in mind. ?

 

[Smile]

Also I know it's hard to direct myself at all when I feel a big empty, unresolved situation looming...like...

Yes! Great idea. Can you think of anything really small I can do to get started?

 

[sun seeker]

I emailed T

Awesome! You did something! Hurray for you!

Would it help to make a list? Or is that still too much?

 

[Smile]

Awesome! You did something! Hurray for you!

Would it help to make a list? Or is that still too mu...

I suppose I can try. It feels like too much but I AM just sitting in my car doing nothing. I'll try that right now! And get back to you... Soon hopefully :) thank you!!!!!

 

[Chimera]

I relate to getting sucked into things like games as distractions vs doing stuff (distractions aren't all...

Brilliant.
Very sound advice, music helps me so much when I get stuck...in my case though, I need "new" music...the stuff I grew up with is a trigger. :/
Please contact your T, as @sun seeker suggests. When we are fighting to survive, we have no clarity of thought. It's crisis to crisis, which binds us in the moment. This is completely understandable and viable for the moment. But harmful in the long rum

Best wishes for you.
hugs if you accept..

 

[sun seeker]

I'll try that right now!

How about, start making the list, and if you start to get that panicky feeling... stop. How does that sound? Then at least you'll have some of a list done, and you'll know just how much you can do before it is too much. I'm betting it's something rather than nothing. And if not? Then you'll know, and you can tell your therapist that.