Drawing The Line

[Upside Down Eagle]

I am happy :-)

For the first time in nearly twenty seven years on this planet, I am drawing a line around me.

I told my abuser that I did not want to see her, she was pissed off and tried to lay a guilt trip on me. I did not buy it. I won't buy it ever again.

I told a friend of mine it was not okay to send me cranky, disrespectful emails about my disability income. I told her back off, if she can't respect me, then not to write me.

And some other small stuff. I'm still learning. It sends my heart rate through the roof to defend myself.
But these are a few first steps. It's become easier to walk up straight, rather than hunched.

Feels good!! I can recommend it to anybody.
Start being yourself. The guilt isn't yours. It was laid on you.

 

[madmax]

I ASSUME you have PTSD and are not working.....same as myself.....dealing with family questioning my being on disability.....I see a psychologist and psychiatrist ......how long have u been on SSDI?

Max

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Yeah, you got that right. Lucky for me, my family doesn't question my being on disability, and neither do most of my friends. I just have this one "friend" who I have confronted. She used to send me derogatory, insulting emails about me "getting free income and not doing anything back".

I'm not sure what SSDI is? You mean disability? I have had it since the age I had a right to it. That's a long time ago...

 

[The Albatross]

Yay Rad... having set the boundary and laid out your dispute with the abuser and your friend's behavior, be prepared for it to be tested and set up a strategy for it without aggressively defending. Model the change you would like for your friend?

 

[Esmeralda]

"I'm drawing a line around me" really struck me. Thanks for that! I picture my line as a semi-permeable membrane (think back to biology for that one!) where only good things can penetrate my line!

Good for you for standing up to people who have attempted to degrade you! Takes courage and strength and demonstrates a healthy form of self protection!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@madmax,
SSDI is only in the US. Other countries call it different things.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

@Esmeralda , do you know the movie, The Big Lebowski? I sort of picture him (the Dude) standing at the boundary. "This agression will not stand, man!" ;) There's different ways to envision your boundaries, but this one works for me.

 

[Esmeralda]

Of course I know the Dude--really great "guardian"!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

be prepared for it to be tested and set up a strategy for it without aggressively defending. Model the change you would like for your friend?

That's really good advice. My friend is having a hard time with my criticism. She's testing me some more all right, provoking me with more condescending comments. Hard not to get furious, but I think maybe it's good to show her I can stand up for myself.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Well done radise for walking away that must have taken a lot of courage, you should be very proud of yourself, 27 years laters you should b out celebrating. I too have cptsd and it took a lot for me to walk away after years and feel free, still suffer unfortunately from all the symptoms of cptsd but I feel like I've won , but not only from walking away but learning to live with it and holding down a job and family, massive struggle nd at times I've wanted to give in, but I can't coz I won't let my abusers win. In fact everyday is a massive struggle as I'm sure ul agree but one step at a time and each day is a new day. On the outside I feel like I've won but then their are days when I feel terrible and that's when I get my flashbacks nd have to go through them horrible ugly emotions and depressions. But I refuse to give up and il fight it until my last breath! X hang in there and continue to be positive and strong x

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Actually guys there's an interesting tail to this story. My friend (well, ex-friend) got raving mad at me, right up there to insane, and completely disgraced herself online in front of all our mutual friends. She went besides herself flinging insults in caps lock to me. The weird thing is that she would never do this face to face. When she can hide, she takes off the mask.

Woah! I'm glad I took my distance from her. I feel like I avoided a tornado.

@Namenotdiagnosis . Thanks! I don't feel like my live is a massive struggle everyday though, not anymore. After a major breakdown last year I seem to have learned how to deal with the negativity and pain. I shifted my gaze to the positive instead of the negative. I stopped obsessing about the past. I realized that for me, there are no battles to be fought anymore, and that I can never "win" from ptsd. PTSD is not my enemy to be conquered, it's an illness inside me that needs specific measures and circumstances to be healed.

I completely understand where you're coming from. It used to feel like a massive fight to me too. I hope you can get through that part, you will be able to walk away from the drama within, some day. You will be able to find healing and simplicity in life :hug:

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Thankyou x your kind and positive words are really uplifting .