Dreading Thanksgiving

[Leisel]

I live in the US so the end of Halloween meant the beginning of "Thanksgiving season." I hear at least a few times a day about thanksgiving, sometimes about people's plans and stuff like that, and honestly I feel so dissatisfied because the people I consider my family (close friends, etc.) have their actual relatives to spend the holidays with but I don't. My dad has AA stuff he is expected/obligated to do and I can't afford to visit people out of state, and this means I am expected to spend the holiday with my jerk stepdad and I really, really don't want to. But I also dont want to spend it with some other family that's only inviting me out of obligation. I don't even want a solution, I guess. I just want to have the same kind of family that everyone else seems to have. Loving, welcoming. Safe. And honestly Christmas is even worse. Christmas is always a bad day for me and has been as long as I remember for different reasons plus the family thing and Thanksgiving will mean the beginning of the Christmas season and idk.
I feel like this is a time of year where it is just rubbed in my face over and over that I don't have that. And I know this is bitter and jealous but it's how I feel and it's really, really bothering me.

 

[Mim28]

Hi Leisel,
It doesn't sound bitter or jealous. It's how you feel. A lot of people feel the way you do. Maybe not for the same reasons. I've had holidays where I have had similar feelings. I'm not going to tell you to make the best of it or anything like that. How you decide to spend them is up to you.
I have had some holidays where I've really had to search hard to find something to be joyous or thankful for. it might be a small conversation that occurs. Sometimes, I just have to get through the day. I've also invited people who didn't have anywhere to go and it was a joy for me to have them there.
You may feel like people are inviting you out of obligation, but they likely don't see it that way.
At any rate, I just wanted to say I understand and I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
Hugs,
Mim

 

[Chem Lady]

Amen! My husband and I don't celebrate any holidays. For Christmas we often go away... and get annoyed if they're playing Christmas music wherever it is we go! If we stay home we just watch movies and play games and work out at the gym. No decorating, no special meal, no special music. That's how we cope with that!
But, really, deep down, it'd be great to have a family who gave a crap about me that we could spend time with.

 

[Iamsensative]

@Leisel, Totally understand and i am happy you can voice it. For years i was obligated to have the holidays, anxiety being with my family made me ill. Took years of therapy to breakaway and i still struggle with it. I am religious so Christmas was one of my favorite holidays. But i wish all the time that i had this loving wonderful family. But the reality is they never were and never will be. Its very hard to deal with at this time of year. Sorry its so rough.:(

 

[mamachick]

We didn't celebrate much growing up so I was hell bent on starting my own traditions, and I did. I made the holidays memorable for many years. Now my kids are grown and we are estranged. Separated from husband. Not many relatives and it really stinks. I have come to just dread the whole season. I hear people talking about christmas shopping and I really have none to do. My sister passed last yr and was the last close relative even though she was 500 miles away. Just want to sleep thru it all.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Thizette]

You are not alone. More importantly, you are not obligated to spend a holiday with family you don't enjoy. If you can't be with the family you want to be with, do something just for you. People will tell you that you're being selfish, at first, even your closest friends might tell you that, but after a while they will see how good it is for you to do what you want.

Holidays are not for families. They are for you. Do what makes you feel the holiday best. What makes you feel thankful? Do that instead of being with relatives who make you feel miserable!

 

[EveHarrington]

Make your own traditions!

Volunteer?

Spend the day doing something for you? A favorite activity?

Or stay home and have a pig out movie fest.

Whatever you want. Make it about you!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Honestly, for me. It's just another day. It's Thursday. No big deal. Just as Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and all the other days. They are just days of the week. It's how one interprets the day that will determine your emotions and outlook.

 

[Heather]

I was actually looking forward to Thanksgiving until my mother decided to spend it ast my sisters house instead...bitch. She didn't even tell me found out from my daughter.

So, I'm pissed but I realized that I have an opportunity to make a tradition with just me and my daughter.

Instead of turkey....not a big fan.

We are going to get a whole ton of Chinese take out...yum! Her friend is going to join us...she loves chinese food too and create our own memories.

Screw my mother...for backing out.

 

[Thizette]

@Heather
Just remember to tip the delivery guy extra--he's got to work on a holiday.

 

[Heather]

He's Chinese, do they even celebrate Thanksgiving?

But yes I will tip him because last time I let my daughter (not a good idea) place the order and there wasn't enough cash left over for a decent tip.