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Dreams and dissociation questions

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GreySouled

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Not sure where this post should go.

Last night, following an emotional virtual T session dealing with attachment stuff earlier in the day, I had a night filled with sweaty epic nightmares that went on forever. In the first I came to find out my "origin story", or those early years of my life I don't remember. In this dream I dissociated so much, time traveled back and forth, so to speak. It happened in session with T, where when I finally came to, she was sitting next to me trying to bring me back, even called another T into the room for assistance. Living in the parts of the dream where I was such a small child (the age I feel in my CSA memories, where I'm low, close to the floor), I was so terrified and crying all the time, scared all the time of every adult, even my bio family. In the dream I would dissociate often at this age, sinking into myself, kind of collapsing to the floor with a thud inside myself, when confronted with either the memory of or being face to face with ...CSA stuff.

Anyway, that's the only relevant part for this post. My questions are: does anyone else feel like they dissociate in their dreams? For me, dissociation feels like either I'm falling down inside myself to a sunken place to disappear, or that planes of my body, usually my front half, are detaching and sliding off of me. Also, does anyone else feel hungover after intense dreams/nightmares? I've been awake for over two and a half hours now, have showered the sweat off of me, taken my daughter to school, etc. and I still feel dizzy and like my head has water swishing around inside it.

Also, as of a few years ago, I never EVER used to dream of myself as a child - except for maybe the random blue moon la-dee-da dream of being in elementary school, which was always a novelty. I also never used to "see" children/myself as a child being abused in my nightmares; it was always older women/myself as an adult. NOW - and I can deduce that this is probably because of having done so much parts work with T and digging deeper, etc. - that seems to be all that happens. I see myself as a child often or other children being abused, horribly, graphically. This, as I said, already makes sense to me. But, where I never have been one to experience flashbacks or recover memories in a dreaming state (mine have always come while I'm awake, out of the blue), I am now more frequently experiencing what feel like actual flashbacks in my dreams: just snippets, usually, like when I'm awake, but of usually the emotions and fear and bile-in-your-mouthness that come with CSA.

Any thoughts or similar experiences?
 
My questions are: does anyone else feel like they dissociate in their dreams?
My flashback type dreams/nightmares? Absolutely. I’ve also woken up in the state I was in, in the dream, or at any point along my own personal timeline, or totally normal. I don’t take waking up too seriously, as it’s not something I have any control over. I could wake up with no emotions, or pissed off, or lovely, or in a panic attack, or whatever. The bit I take seriously, is what I do after I wake up.
 
Also, does anyone else feel hungover after intense dreams/nightmares?
Yes. Like, Yes in flashing lights, fireworks going off, neon signs flashing. I'm hung over from my weird ass nightmare from last night right now. Again.

Sometimes I have nightmares and I wake up and they disappear and I go with it. No issue. Other times, there's just enough connection to a tender point emotionally, that they hover in my psyche and turn me into an emotional zombie for hours into the morning. It sucks. Nightmares are for nighttime, right!? Can't I catch a break in the daytime!?!
 
dunno if it be the same or not, but two bodies of dream experience from my personal recovery are

1) trauma induced amnesia has been a recurring theme throughout my recovery. emerging memories often begin their emergence in nightmares.
2) one of my engineering talents is, "dream solving" where i go to sleep with a problem and wake up with a solution. science history is chockful of developments which came about precisely this way. i believe --just believing-- that there is a similar type of dream solving which goes on while i am struggling to resolve my psycho snot knots.

both of these kinds of dreams are utterly exhausting for me, to the point where i might have rested better if i had stayed awake. exhausting these dreams are, the gain is worth the pain. the healing mojo attached is immeasurable.

do i dissociate when i dream? i've never considered it, but my knee jerk reaction is that i thought dreams were the very definition of dissociation. it seems to work pretty well when i do my dreaming in my sleep.
 
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