Eating is stupid

[Rose White]

Go ahead and give me counters but it’s not like I haven’t heard them—I think a 5yo could come up with ideas how to counter.

I know…

Brain can’t work without glucose!
Self-care!
Normal and healthy!
Feed your inner child!

Putting it here to air it out, hopefully lose some of the wind in its sails.

Maybe we could laugh at this distortion?Because it’s pretty ridiculous. And yet… my mind gives me this!

 

[Rose White]

Eating is stupid sometimes.
Eating is fun sometimes.
Eating is boring sometimes.
Eating is exciting sometimes.
Etc

Unfortunately it’s just eating. And it’s a requirement. You can judge the out of it and it remains.

Eating. It’s what happens when you are alive.

 

[Sideways]

Go ahead and give me counters

Would counters that are a bit more sophisticated than what you'd tell a 5 year old be more helpful, or less helpful?

For example, I started taking eating a lot more seriously when I was about halfway through my "try every antidepressant on the market" journey. Because, the cool thing about eating is I can actually make myself feel heaps better, and be waaaaaay less clinically depressed, if I take it a little bit seriously what I choose to charge my body up with each day.

Antidepressants are easier, sure. Drop it in your mouth and chug it down with some water. But, with very little effort, I can shit all over the benefit I get from antidepressants, with zero shit side effects (wha!?! Too cool!) if I'm smart about eating.

For me, it's not about whether or not I enjoy eating (I don't - it's a complete non-event for me). It's about how smart eating beats antidepressants hands down on kicking my mental illness' arse. I'm not trying to enjoy or like eating any more than I'm trying to enjoy or like seeing my therapist.

I put a lot of energy into managing my mental health. I spend a lot of time suffering because of my mental health. Eating smart is one of the tools in my arsenal for staying on top of it.

 

[shimmerz]

And yet… my mind gives me this!

I think a 5yo could come up with ideas how to counter.

Why are you allowing your mind to waste energy on this?

 

[Rose White]

Thank you @Sideways, that makes a lot of sense and shifts the issue to a more mature perspective. “This is an easy thing I can do to significantly help my mental health.” I can do that.

@shimmerz Taking your words as a joke otherwise they sound quite dismissive. Trying to allow my mind not to waste energy on it.

 

[shimmerz]

Taking your words as a joke otherwise they sound quite dismissive.

No, not meant to be dismissive. Years of spinning taught me that I had to make rules as to what I would focus on. My core set of rules was that anything that was not in my body's best interest needed to be shut down. It had a massive effect on my anxiety levels. Stopped my brain from spinning in circles and allowed me to really zero in on self care. It was just a question. It's no problem if you don't want to entertain it.

 

[Rose White]

anything that was not in my body's best interest needed to be shut down

Glad you could do this. You wouldn’t know that my primary abuser used his own personal schedule and taking care of his body to manipulate and abuse us. So for me doing what’s in my body’s best interests triggers the self-judgement that I’m just like my dad. I am still stripping off the ego enmeshment so I don’t yet have a set of core values which help me zero in on self care. If I did I doubt I would post something like this. I am entertaining your question because it’s triggering me.

 

[shimmerz]

@OliveJewel, all of the healing process is triggering. Every second of it.

 

[Rose White]

@shimmerz that has not been my experience, it seems to be a mix of emotions for me, but I’m happy that you found your own way.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @OliveJewel we were talking about this the other day!

Just to say:

You wouldn’t know that my primary abuser used his own personal schedule and taking care of his body to manipulate and abuse us. So for me doing what’s in my body’s best interests triggers the self-judgement that I’m just like my dad.

Maybe something to pick apart or counter with is the adult-related thought that everyone eats. So your dad did, and others all do. But more importantly, some is perspective or focus: you need energy to take care of your children... to do your work without error(s)... etc. by that I mean, the motivation may be easier if it's not for yourself. Though I think @Sideways and @shimmerz have constructive advice. One question I now ask myself is, am I making my life harder? Is it going to make symptoms harder to bear? Am I going to be dysregulated and lose my cookies? Is this a sane or heathy choice or would raise eyebrows on the logic? Since really, if (I) don't chose what thwarts the ptsd I am stuck in a loop getting no where or worse, or hurting others too.

Not to guilt trip, but your kids will be glad if their mother lasts longer or doesn't end up with issues. It also screws up one's metabolism. It's actually a method used to put weight on people.

I actually had fun eating today. Granted it started by being put in front of me, but you know what? It was delicious. And then I realized, much was in my attitude and thoughts. Was I going to think of 'me' (what I don't deserve, SI, whatever), or enjoy it, be thankful. Sometimes comfort foods help.

It might also help to ask yourself what part of being stuck do you want to keep? You can avoid doing what your dad did- but I've got a feeling that also included sleeping, bathing and driving a car, or even the way he breathed. Should you give those up to,? If that makes sense?

 

[Friday]

I do this.

A lot.

Words don’t work, for me. Actions do.

“If it looks stupid, but it works? It ain’t stupid.” is probably the closest I come to words. So I keep things around I can eat with zero to no effort for when I hit one of these cycles. Because, with me, they tend to come in cycles // and those cycles are plagued with finite amounts of energy & wasting any of it on the food thing? Pfft. Not gonna happen. When I’m off-cycle? It seems stupid to prepare for on-cycles, but again? If it looks stupid, but it works? It ain’t stupid.

 

[shimmerz]

I don’t yet have a set of core values which help me zero in on self care

I am assuming you are an adult. If you have reached this stage of your life then you do, in multiple ways, shapes and forms, perform self care.
Eating anything is self care.
Brushing your teeth is self care
Going to bed is self care.
Putting on decent clothes is self care.
Hanging out outside is self care.
Drinking water is self care.
Exercising in any way is self care.
Eating an apple instead of a box of chocolates is self care.

Self care is an act of acknowledgement that you are mindfully (consciously) doing something that is good for your body. It is a choice to acknowledge a perspective. Every one of us performs self care in some way shape or form every single day. Decide to eat only 1x every 5 days? That decision to eat that one time is acknowledged as self care. Then eating (no matter how little or how often) becomes an act of self love. Always. No exceptions.

Try it and see how quickly your cognitive distortion will change up for you.

And yes, perhaps we will laugh somewhere along the line about this cognitive distortion.