Eating...why is it so complicated?

[PointlessExistence]

I have no idea when to eat nor how much to eat. I have no natural instinct when it comes to eating. I have body issues as well, and force-vomit on occasion. This eating-confusion is related to those issues, but it goes way beyond it. I just don't have any structure for eating. I can't make any sense of eating at all.

Sometimes I'll find a diet or a pattern for eating, and it seems like "this is working". I don't overeat and I don't force-vomit, and I'm not craving food. But then I realize that I'm full of anxiety, and it's because my subconscious is looking for food. It's as if I fool myself into thinking I'm not hungry, but I really am, and the hunger becomes anxiety.

 

[Chem Lady]

It sounds like maybe you were denied food as a child. Is that the case? It would explain a lot of your symptoms. We had a foster son for a few years and he was denied food and went hungry at some point in his life. He had some similar issues with food that you do. I did talk to a nutritionist who was willing to work with us over our foster-son's food issues, but the social worker moved him before we could do that. Maybe a nutritionist would be a good place to start? You might want to look into whether your past included a secure experience with food or if it was inconsistent or lacking so that you can understand, on a physiological level, where these current issues come from.

 

[PointlessExistence]

Thanks, Chem Lady. I definitely act like I was denied food. I have thought about that but never come up with any memories about that which I would consider traumatic. For instance, I was never denied food to the point where I felt neglected or in any physical symptoms. But there was the feeling that other kids were getting a lot more of the yummy food than I was. Maybe my issues have more to do with spoiling myself than they have with protecting myself.

I don't think a nutritionist would help, because I've tried every way of eating under the sun, and I just don't stick with them.

 

[The Albatross]

Sounds like you need access to an eating disorder specialist?

 

[Chem Lady]

It sounds like you don't stick with them because you don't feel satiated. For people who went hungry as kids, sometimes the brain rewires itself so that it's constantly saying "I'm hungry". Apparently the rewiring is possible, but it doesn't work to just eat like a regular person and constrain yourself. There is an eating method that may help with that "always hungry" feeling. It's sort of counter-intuitive. Maybe a nutritionist isn't the way to go, but it might be worth a shot... even if you end up ruling them out, at least your direction forward may be narrowed down.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think that you need an eating disorder clinic. It’s apparent that you have distorted issues around food and eating. A clinic specifically for this issue will help...