General Edmr Treatment Starting... What Can I Expect?

[Lucycat]

Hi Angus,
Yes I am married ( 26 years)and have a wonderful husband, Rory who has helped me enormously. He does not understand what goes on in my head and at times has told me to just forget the past and move on. But this is his sheer frustration at the situation, and we alter talk it through.

I have gone through feelings of wanting to isolate, for days, weeks at a time. At these times Rory's mood goes down too, and we end up arguing, which distances us further. But it does not last and as I feel better so our relationship improves

For me the effects of the EMDR are quick. But, they only deal with one small issue at a time. I have a bucket load of memories or 'targets' to tackle so it is taking a very long time to sort. It is tiny 'baby steps', but I feel the difference and Rory sees the improvement in me. PTSD is never gone. EMDR just makes the memories managable, but I know that at any time a trigger can set me off to have all the symptoms again. The trigger would then be a target for more therapy and on we go again......

 

[Angus McGee]

Yes, Amethyst, I have read that site. As well as www.emdr.com & the FAQ section on that site.
Thank you.

Thanks for answering my questions, Lucycat. My wife has told me a lot of the things that have gone on in her past, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were many things she hasn't told me.

I know that there are no guarantees, but I am very hopeful that we will make it through this time. Things will never be the same as they were before, but hopefully, they will be even better! I have to remain optimistic.

Thanks!

AMcG

 

[KP the nut]

This is the not the one stop cure to PTSD symptoms, it is just one way to help diminish some of the issues it causes. Therapy is just part of the healing process, being able to talk about what caused it in the first place, the rest is entirely up to the sufferer. Putting into practice all the methods of overcoming how PTSD effects a sufferers daily life, taught by a good therapist.

Healing from PTSD is a long slow hard road, with many bumps and bends to navigate along the way. Managing symptoms and learning how to live a better life, still with ups and downs, possible relapses too, in the following years.

Spot on Amethist. I am managing better since I began believing what my T was telling me. It is so hard to talk and even harder to believe that I deserve to manage symptoms. I say manage as I know I will never be cured.

I am so grateful to my T for teaching me techniques to manage the symptoms but also for teaching me/making me believe in myself and that I have worth.

 

[Mina]

I'll weigh in, as I've been married the entire time from incident (severe dogbite from husband's Akita) to diagnosis to therapy to today, where I consider myself in recovery. Time table: just over 3.5 years. My T and I have used EMDR to work on not only the dogbite, but a whole bunch of childhood crap I hadn't realized was there.

We do a different type of EMDR with my T tapping alternately on my knees instead of with my eyes following hand movements...that reminds me too much of a metronome, and I start counting :rolleyes: For me, EMDR hasn't been as much about dealing with the memories themselves - more the feelings associated with them, which were largely or completely suppressed at the time of the events. Using the memory as a starting point, it's allowed the difficult feelings associated with the memory to surface, be acknowledged and felt, have their say (e.g., I often start crying), and be processed. As Lucycat said, it makes them 'just' memories and they lose the emotional charge.

The EMDR helped me to stop "blocking" feelings - I felt like I had none at the time I started treatment. My husband had the same significance as the sofa, and I was very unaffectionate (particularly sucked cuz we were newlyweds). After not crying for 7-8 months, EMDR opened the floodgates and helped me start tapping into my real emotions. The initial work was an exhausting process, and I made sure not to plan anything of significance for the rest of that day/evening. We also spaced sessions at least 7 days apart.

These days, we don't do it as often, and it is primarily about processing various issues that crop up and have emotional ties to the past - not so much the actual PTSD-inducing incident. It's not as exhausting, and I function better afterwards than I did when we were dealing with the really traumatic stuff.

The progress was gradual; I could see signs of improvement more than my husband could, because he was looking for big, sweeping changes. They're not - they're small to someone outside the trauma, but significant. It takes time. He had to learn to see things differently...ie, the fact that I could empty a bloody meat tray in the kitchen sink without having a flashback (blood in that sink = big trigger) was major progress. It's about perspective.

This whole PTSD thing is a long, tough road...but there is hope...and your wife is lucky to have someone who obviously cares so much!

 

[Kle]

I did my first session of EMDR yesterday, and all I did was walk through my childhood home. We didn't want to go after any specific trauma memories the first time. Last night my heart was racing, I was grinding my teeth like crazy, and today my heart is racing a little again. I woke up several times thinking about the "bad" people in my past, but I don't think I dreamt about them. I think the heart racing is somehow from my conscious mind battling my unconscious mind to bring those memories back. My point is, I've had EMDR one time and what we did was nothing compared to what's to come. So, yes, I would imagine EMDR is very hard. But, I really think pulling all the memories out is very important to work through all the displaced emotions associated with it. Good luck!!

 

[Angus McGee]

Thank you. I've known for years that her past is something that she will have to deal with. I wish it didn't take her moving out & separating herself from us, her family, though.

But, if she is finally able to deal with all the traumatic events of her past, find peace, and then come home, it will be worth it. Although at this point, it's hard to realize that. Sitting on the sidelines, and waiting without knowing the outcome is very difficult.

When I to talk to her, it feels like I'm imposing on her, and she can't wait to end the conversation. That makes it very difficult for me to continue on, hoping that some day she will actually want to have a relationship again.

 

[Kle]

Don't loose hope, but I wouldn't push conversation much right now. Give her the space she likely needs. Working through this stuff can be very paralyzing and isolating. I have a lot of days where I just get annoyed when the phone rings, even if it's someone I really care about. Dealing with our pasts is serious emotional overload at times. So, let her know you are there for her, and to let you know if there is anything she needs, or if she wants to talk, tell her you love her and leave it at that. I know everyone handles things differently, but that's just what I prefer. Hang in there. It will likely get harder for her, before it gets easier, but it will sooo good for your family in the end.

 

[Angus McGee]

Just before I left work yesterday, I wrote all that in an email to her. I finished my message with "I love you", and then sat and wept at my desk.

Thanks for your message.