EMDR And Attachment To Therapist

[ImSad]

I have been with my t coming up on one year now. I feel like up until recently I was just kind of flailing around in therapy, touching down on bits and pieces of trauma but never really digging into any of them too much. We have since taken a break from trauma stuff to work on resourcing. I have had a lot of trouble with feeling attached to my t and secure enough to let myself be vulnerable in sessions — hence the resourcing.

While doing resourcing with emdr she gives me two options. One is to wear an audio headset and hold vibrating taspers that go off simultaneously. The other is for her to use a wand to tap on my knees. The first time she only offered the headset/taspers one, but last session she offered both. I went with the headset, and she paused and told me that her using the wand may be a way of building an attachment and a stronger therapeutic relationship with her. I may try it next time, but I also sort of don’t want to. Attachment is something I haven’t been able to accomplish so far in therapy, and while I know it sort of has to happen for this whole thing to be successful, I just don’t want to have to go through it all and end up inevitably hurt in the end whenever therapy eventually ends.

 

[Wendell_R]

A lot of us have been through similar situations. When one of my therapists went on maternity leave, the adult in me was fine, but a few weeks after she left, the young parts of me just wailed in loss of an attachment I didn't even know I had.

What my EMDR therapist tells me is that we are working on building enough resources inside me that I feel comfortable setting out on my own with my own sense of calm & security. What I can tell you is that I have had deep attachment to both my therapists, and that increasingly I feel that my sense of their calm, mothering presence is becoming internalized in me. So even as they are my safe figures, I am able to function well without them for a few weeks, because I can call them up when needed in my mind. My therapist also tells me that the goodbye process takes time, to be sure I am fully ready to be on my own.

 

[ImSad]

I guess I’m just not at that point yet. I feel like I’m not letting myself get attached to my t...but then again, I feel that’s the case for everyone in my life. I tend to get too attached and obsessed and dependent when I do form an attachment with someone and it always ends up hurting too badly. I guess my t is a safe person to practice healthy attachment with though.

 

[Wendell_R]

I tend to get too attached and obsessed and dependent when I do form an attachment with someone and it always ends up hurting too badly.

I think it's good to recognize this, and what you're going through sounds really normal. Have you shared your fears of being attached with your therapist?

I am at a point where I was changing direction in my work with therapist C, the one who went on maternity leave. I suddenly wanted to stop work. But on reflection, the real reason is that the next step with her would make the young voices in me trust her even more, and they were afraid of the goodbyes. It helped when I assured them that knowing C even more deeply would help them carry C in their memories, that we would keep working as long as they wanted, and that we wouldn't say goodbye until they were really ready and comfortable.

 

[ImSad]

I haven’t told my T that yet, but I probably should.

She’s moving to home practice in a couple months and she told me that a couple months ago, saying I could still keep seeing her or she could set me up with someone else in the practice. I really considered going to someone else for a while. Probably the fear of attachment or my inability to get attached anymore, I thought it might be easier with someone else. I’m doing a little better at it now and we’re finally starting to get somewhere so I’m definitely going to be sticking it out with her. It’s just the attachment part that’s scary moving forward. But I think with the resourcing we’re doing it seems a little less scary each session.