General EMDR and lurking darkness

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Yes just as the others have said @ColinKevin wrestling, accepting, relinquishing, integrating, living with the awareness of why but trying to not let it change or stop your 'normal' actions/ reactions, choosing more wise and kind choices for yourself and others.

Critical thinking for me says - most important thing is - giving yourself space to think. When you think you can decipher what your PTSD is adding to what you percieve. To know it adds fear and darkness to all your thoughts and that you need to decipher whether its real or not
And in the processing to feel and think. And pause +/ or get feedback about your thinking if you can trust the feedback. Being brave or trusting about it without denying how it might feel. Challenging the "why's" of why you feel that way.
 
It came to me to add something, but I missed the edit. ^^ I think part of it is trusting the process. And part of the process is not pushing through and trying to expect normalcy when one is depleted, but addressing that- self care or de-briefing and assimilation and rest is necessary. And also to - more than push out of a comfort zone- rather to look at the bigger picture of the impact on self and others, and put the thoughts or beliefs in their place and to try choose differently. Even1% progress or self compassion and concern or awareness for others more than the day before.

It's tempting to fall back in to old thoughts, beliefs and behaviours/ choices. Even addressing or facing it can be 'new'. A new way that acknowledges what is past, but still causes influence today.

I hope that makes sense, or is at all useful.
 
And in the processing to feel and think. And pause +/ or get feedback about your thinking if you can trust the feedback. Being brave or trusting about it without denying how it might feel. Challenging the "why's" of why you feel that way.
Yup. Is what you "feel" real or is it being manipulated to feel negative by your perception?

Space to sort it out and think is so important in everything from a casual conversation to a conversation with someone close to you. I realize that for a long time I acted out of fear and anger first. Now I know those things will be there but they are not always true.
 
Now I know those things will be there but they are not always true.
Did EMDR not help you with the ptsd symptoms (primarily tricksy, fearful thoughts) you mentioned?

There were a couple of times for me where my T said that because I was down to a 2, we were done with that memory and basically that was the best I was gonna get.

However lol...we tackled other memories which ended up lessening those he initially said I'd just be stuck with forever. (Maybe because (??) for me, I have one big "anchoring" trauma to which all the others seem to be attached. Surprised me! LOL)

I got sidetracked and forgot to say...^

Ive also noticed that my general anxiety/fear levels have decreased over time, not just for specific memories.

Point being? There's hope that it might not always be that way.

Hth. 😊💕
 
Did EMDR not help you with the ptsd symptoms (primarily tricksy, fearful thoughts) you mentioned?
No I have not got past it in therapy as yet. Both traumas (that we know of) were complex so there is a lot to deal with and reprocessing 45 years of stuff takes time, as does clearing the memory fog.

So yes the "this is bad" and fear prefixes almost everything. Wanting to lash out with fear and anger first is still there.
 
No I have not got past it in therapy as yet. Both traumas (that we know of) were complex so there is a lot to deal with and reprocessing 45 years of stuff takes time, as does clearing the memory fog.

So yes the "this is bad" and fear prefixes almost everything. Wanting to lash out with fear and anger first is still there.
Understood. You're not alone. 45yrs for me too. Cptsd too.

Good for you to say "not...as yet." 😁 👍 💪 Reflects your understanding that it DOES get better. Because it absolutely does if we show up and do the work. Promise. 😊💕
 
Did EMDR not help you with the ptsd symptoms (primarily tricksy, fearful thoughts) you mentioned
yes and no. Lots of traumas to process, so I had to REALLY lower my expectations for what recovery would look like.

If I track success by incidents I can see it. Like, I'm not as afraid of doors as used to be because I've learned thru emdr to think about them differently. Instead of seeing monsters behind every doo, I can say that I know doors can sometimes open to monsters, but that is a very rare thing, not a common thing. So I'm more comfortable with them.

or the knife thing. Instead of carrying a knife to protect myself, I can see that knives are also tools that can help around the stables to protect the horses by cutting them loose.

It's all about the small victories 🙄
 
It's all about the small victories 🙄
Yup, it sure as hell is about small victories.

It's tempting to fall back in to old thoughts, beliefs and behaviours/ choices. Even addressing or facing it can be 'new'. A new way that acknowledges what is past, but still causes influence today.
It's difficult because it's an automated response. The response meant to save your life in emergencies, and it wants to shut everything else off so it has all the resources it can to do what it needs to and it wants to set your brain into "pay attention to everything and look for ways to save yourself" mode. (hyper vigilance)

That's the big problem. Interrupting that automatic response with conscious thought, because you first have to be aware its happening when your brain and body go into "save yourself" mode and take away the fear it's using to power itself using reasoning - which it wants to turn off.

Recognizing "manufactured" fear is my key to stopping it.
 
Yup. Is what you "feel" real or is it being manipulated to feel negative by your perception?

Space to sort it out and think is so important in everything from a casual conversation to a conversation with someone close to you. I realize that for a long time I acted out of fear and anger first. Now I know those things will be there but they are not always true.
I totally agree with this. For the longest time, no matter how many times I ran through it with my T, I always had doubts that I couldn’t protect myself - how could I protect myself now, when I couldn’t do it then? If I was weak then, I’ll be weak now - an unhelpful voice would tell me.

A few weeks ago this shifted and my perspective changed to a hundred other helpful thoughts that were kind and protective.

I think this is partly due to EMDR and also due to parts work and accepting all parts of yourself - nature or nurture and whatever the reasons for how you’ve come to be the person you are and the feelings/emotions you have, you are who you are - a beautiful soul deserving of wonderful things 💜

Yup, it sure as hell is about small victories.


It's difficult because it's an automated response. The response meant to save your life in emergencies, and it wants to shut everything else off so it has all the resources it can to do what it needs to and it wants to set your brain into "pay attention to everything and look for ways to save yourself" mode. (hyper vigilance)

That's the big problem. Interrupting that automatic response with conscious thought, because you first have to be aware its happening when your brain and body go into "save yourself" mode and take away the fear it's using to power itself using reasoning - which it wants to turn off.

Recognizing "manufactured" fear is my key to stopping it.
How do you stop the fear response?

I sometimes struggle with getting in between the perceived fear and the fight/flight response, so by that point anxiety attacks kick in and it’s game over for me
 
How do you stop the fear response?

I sometimes struggle with getting in between the perceived fear and the fight/flight response, so by that point anxiety attacks kick in and it’s game over for me
It's hard to do. Start with this:


That's the base thing for everything. Learning to manage that lets you monitor when thoughts or words from others or whatever spikes your anxiety. Having room to think before you get to dissociation or other trouble is when you can start asking "why is there fear there?" When you can say "there is no reason for fear there." the fear looses its power. Rumination will bring it around again but once you can say "there is no fear there" enough it starts to learn just because that thought is jumping and waving its arms and yelling for attention, you know the fear is "manufactured" fear.

Same for talking to people. When they say something that spikes anxiety you can stop and ask "why is there anxiety?" and maybe you ask questions about what makes you anxious about what was said. Use You said - I heard. That one is magic with people you know. They can understand what makes you anxious better and maybe they know how to say things to not trip your anxiety.
 
t's difficult because it's an automated response. The response meant to save your life in emergencies, and it wants to shut everything else off so it has all the resources it can to do what it needs to and it wants to set your brain into "pay attention to everything and look for ways to save yourself" mode. (hyper vigilance)

That's the big problem. Interrupting that automatic response with conscious thought, because you first have to be aware its happening when your brain and body go into "save yourself" mode and take away the fear it's using to power itself using reasoning - which it wants to turn off.
^^ I think the remedy is similar to the post above. Except without thinking so much. First the recognition, then the mental STOP sign, then downregulation. And choosing to trust, or not, that's all you have to remember. Then there is a bigger reason than having to think or analyze within the moment. JMHO.
 
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