Emdr - for how long?

[Satuma]

Hi.

I´ve been doing EMDR almost two years. The forst year every week, sometimes even two times a week. For the last year more sporadically with some intense periods, some without any treatment. Most of it I´ve been doing on my own. I was in a very, very bad place two years ago. My ex partner made some stupid things that retraumatized me (I have complex trauma, or simply BPD as it´s called where I live, from early emotional/psychological abuse/attachment trauma by a narcissistic/sociopathic/borderline mother + other trauma), and I couldn´t cope at all. Nothing helped. I was dissociating most time of the day, panic attacks, PTSD symptoms etc. At that time, my alternatives was either to get real trauma treatment or to end my life. My psychologist tried to help me to find a therapist who was trained in EMDR (since I asked for that specifically) but I had to wait several months before I could get an appointment to one. So I decided to try and do the therapy myself. I know that it´s not recommended, but I tried and I´m glad I did. It was terrible, I became worse, but it didn´t take long before I could feel a difference and the worst symptoms did decrease week by week. Eventually I got to meet a trained psychologist speciallized in treatment of complex trauma, and while I´m sure it´s been beneficial I think the most improvement have come from my DIY-EMDR.

Today, two years later, I have a part time job and and staying more stablethan before. It´s a huge improvement from where I´ve been... Huge.

Still, I go back to those traumatized, dissociated parts at times. When I´m there, I guess everything feels hopeless, but not as hopeless as before if that makes sense? I know that the EMDR is helping, but still I feel like it´s taking too long and that maybe I´m not getting it right. When I process, I cry and cry and cry. I just can´t believe how much grief I´ve got stored, when does it end? Is it clearing at all? Looking back and comparing to today I see the proof, still I´m afraid something is wrong..

 

[Muted]

I get that.

 

[Muted]

I can't imagine going through EMDR on my own like that, I think I would give up. It's really tough at times and it's helpful to have someone tell me I'm going to get through it.

It sounds like what you're going through is normal though, because I can really relate. Some days I just can't stop crying. I don't know how long it takes. I just want to be done sometimes.

 

[Satuma]

Yes, I I would prefer to have someone to talk to about everything and reassuring me at times when I feel lost.. But I don´t have that option right now and have to keep doing this. Sometimes I think I might be passed the worst parts and then something triggers me and then I find it hard to believe I´m making any progress at all.

How long have you been doing EMDR for?

 

[Muted]

I have been doing EMDR 2 years. It's hard to see the progress at times and that is why it's
needed to have outside help for perspective.
When will you have the option?

 

[zoie33]

I have been doing EMDR for roughly 7 months. I have C-PTSD, DID, and depression. My T says it will take me close to 5 years to work though all the issues I have with EMDR. Personally, I don't see much of a difference yet but he says he does because I am regaining more memories of abuse and my alters and sharing their memories with me more. Anyway, he is trained in EMDR. He told me last session that processing stops when I dissociate. You mentioned you dissociate. It would probably be best to stop EMDR when this happens until you ground yourself again, otherwise from what my T says you are basically wasting you time. By that I mean, you may be feeling things and remembering things but EMDR is not doing it's job to process through and sort out all the trauma in your brain networks. Good luck to you. I would definitely recommend trying to do EMDR with a trained T though especially if you are dissociative. There are special techniques that they use to help you through and to be successful. Either way, good luck to you. I know EMDR is hard.

 

[Satuma]

I have been doing EMDR 2 years. It's hard to see the progress at times and that is why it's...

Ok. Do you see any progress at all? I´ve been waiting for an appointment since spring. Hopefully sometime this year.

 

[Satuma]

I have been doing EMDR for roughly 7 months. I have C-PTSD, DID, and depression. My T says it will take...

Ok. I have a somewhat dissociated personality structure too. Not full DID, but many child parts. The EMDR therapist I worked with used more Ego State Therapy than actual EMDR processing, which really didn´t help. I need to process the emotions, not just learn how to be kind to my self about them..

Yes, after some intense processing I dissociate the days after. Depersonalization/derealization, I start talking to myself unintentionally and can´t focus on anything. That´s when I take a break from processing until I´ve stabilized and feel like "myself" again, whatever that is. Until I´ve had some good days, functioning days.

Thank you. Wishing you a smooth recovery.

 

[zoie33]

Satuma... when I said processing stops when I dissociate I meant during the actual EMDR session not days later so you should be good. When I'm in the middle of processing in the office and we are actively doing EMDR, I dissociate quite often. At this point when he realizes I'm down the rabbit hole he stops because he said EMDR is no longer effective and brings me back to the present before we move on.

 

[Muted]

Ok. Do you see any progress at all? I´ve been waiting for an appointment since spring. Hopefully someti...

Yes, definitely but it's harder than what I thought it would be. It's also easier in the sense that change just happens naturally as you process through the trauma.

That's a long time to wait, but I think when you do get one that it'll really help.

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

I've been doing EMDR with a trauma therapist who specializes in EMDR for over two years now. I felt a huge difference within months. It took a while to get there but I'm glad I stuck with it. I'm still doing EMDR with her and still have some difficult sessions. I still get triggered but not quite as bad as I used to.

I also found that I dissociated a lot during sessions. I learned that was how I coped as a young child during abuse (4 yo). It wasn't easy by any means but my T has been able to help me work through it either in that session or later ones. I also realize everyone is different. She would stop the session and we would talk about the dissociation and her theory on why I dissociated. Then we would start again while I focused on the dissociation itself, the disconnected / I'm not me / I'm watching someone else but it was me feeling and somehow I was able to "reconnect" with my younger self and just break down sobbing. It was like a tidal wave of emotion hit me. It was overwhelming at times but she helped me through it. It was like an out of body experience in a way. That's the only way I can think of how to describe it. With her help, I was able to process what was going on and get through it. I tried really hard to keep an open mind during these sessions and "just" let whatever happen, happen. I also found I had to really truly trust her for it to "work". I hope that makes sense.