Emdr Homework & Advice/tips?

[GrokkingAmbivert]

I had my first appointment with my EMDR therapist about a month ago. I needed to take a break for financial and health reasons, but on Thursday I need to bring my “trauma timeline” to my second appointment. The timeline needs to have all events in age order (as close as I can guess), thoughts of myself that I had during these events, feelings I felt during them and then rate them from 0-10 on severity of “intensity.”

I wrote down my traumas on college ruled paper about 4 weeks ago. She said I didn’t need to push myself too hard, but I was able to write all I could remember (which I don’t really know what happened in 95% of them, but I it’s like I can visualize a quick snapshot of where I was… just not specifically where/what/who). With one line between each, I have 3 pages front and back… so were talking between 50-70 incidents.

When I was in my early teens, I remember praying to God that there would be a surgery to forget memories. I even researched it. I am now going to be 26 in a couple weeks. I helped nurture PTSD that I already had going on during that time. I made up stories of how my life was compared to reality. I didn’t realize how much I did that until about 6 months ago when flashbacks started coming. Flashbacks from things I didn’t remember even previous to my early teens. A lot of my memories are not even my own memories, they are these “narratives,” if you will from my family. I contacted a couple people from the past and their perspectives were both different and similar to my family’s views.

I on some forums today that EMDR isn’t necessarily good for complex PTSD. I also have serious questions on what is actually true and what I made up in my head or what my family manipulated me into thinking. So many things do not add up.

I have these “events” written down, but I don’t know what I was thinking about myself at those times. And I took the dissociative test for EMDR and I have never experienced anything it described. When I think of MOST of these screenshots or events, it’s not my view or me looking at others, but it’s like I am looking at myself in the event. Some are from my own view. I am not sure how to rate them either. I could rate them according to how much they upset me now (the more I don’t want to think/talk about it the higher the severity maybe??)

My therapist said there are 3-4 other techniques she is certified in (some are “newer” then EMDR she said… 3 of them including EMDR are her specialties?) and that after discussing all of this we could decide which is best for my situation. She said she never allows anyone to leave in a negative state, and that it doesn’t work like that.

Opinions? Thoughts? Advice? … on what to expect? What to ask? Personal experiences? Tips? Anything I should research? I get the concept of EMDR, but it still freaks me out. Are EMDR videos (like of people going through a session) good to watch?

(my case is pretty lengthy so brief: severe neglect, emotional & psychological abuse; Munchausen by proxy; some physical abuse and possible sexual abuse; abandonment)

 

[Lucycat]

I had EMDR and it has helped me greatly.
I never got any homework though - my T said that is one of its positive points. There is no need for'homework' just allow your mind to continue the processing between sessions and be kind to yourself. It is hard but effective - even for Complx PTSD which is my diagnosis.

I have not watched any videos. I don't think I would have found that helpful as practitioners do it differently - eye movement, hand taps, ear phones etc. what I did find helpful was reading Francine Shapiro's book so I understood the concept.

You mention newer theries. One such is Brainspotting which my T has now also trained in. He decided not to use it for me as we had already started EMDR, but he uses Brainspotting for the majority of his new clients.

 

[ekane]

Very interesting...



I have an idea: Put a question mark next to memories for which you are unable to rate 0-10. Before doing emdr on those memories, do talk therapy or other methods specifically to get in tough with your TRUE level of emotions about those enents. Then do EMDR on those once you are able to fully access the magnitude of those feelings and rate them.

I have cptsd and my therapist does double sessions- 1hr talk therapy or art therapy, followed by 1hr emdr.

That being said I don't have enough under my belt yet to judge it. It has helped a lot but as you know... Cptsd is a lot ... times 100. I personally believe many cptsd cases need multiple approaches, if not all.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I found emdr very traumatic, I had brain spotting as I found the elements of EMDR too painful. Brain spotting was more beneficial. Unfortunately for me I had no idea wat EMDR was going to entail as my company I work for paid private for me to attend these sessions , I'm not sure they really understood how traumatic they would be. I too have CPTSD and I found it very painful, however because it was paid for and organised by my company I didn't have time to research it, for me personally 2 hours a session twice a week was far too much to relive my traumas , hence I really struggled , on my first visit I did ask my chief exec to come with me , she was that disturbed of what she saw she never returned until my final session and then had the audacity to say she felt it never worked! In hindsight I would have done more research, to be fair it did work but at the time v v v traumatic and I was so disturbed . Please research your therapy and don't do it if you feel uncomfortable or unsettled with it. I had many arguments with my t who kept trying to control the treatment until I told her she was acting like my abuser instead of a t! An experience il never ever forget but it had helped me, don't do if you not ready for it. Good luck x

 

[seedling]

I completed homework like you describe before I started EMDR in January of this year.

My therapist gave me a list of 30-40 negative congitions and asked me to rate how much they felt true for me on a scale of 1-10.
After that, I wrote down the traumas chronologically and wrote which of the negative cognitions (one or more) I thought fit each trauma.
So, when I had to write down "what I was thinking" for the trauma I already had my rated list and was aware of which cognitions I felt applied to me the most. Many of the traumas had the same cognitions.
To me, it seemed to be about what I believed about myself during and from the trauma.

I rated the intensity, as well, as the third step. I rated the traumas on how much they bothered me now. She said we would start with a memory that was less than a 5 on the scale from 1 to 10.

A sample of the cognitions on the list:

I have to be perfect to please people
I don't deserve to live
No one can love me
I don't matter
I'm a failure
I'm stupid
I'm unwanted
I'm defective
I'm powerless
I'm helpless

Before we started the actual EMDR on the first memory, (which I'm still working on), she took the negative cognitions that I wrote down and had me come up with an opposite, positive cognition. As I work on the memory the negatives are losing their hold on me and the positives are becoming stronger.

I have some very early memories with just one or two snapshot pictures in my head. I've started there, and let surface what comes. So far, it's worked. My last therapist said I had Complex PTSD based on the fact that my adult trauma exploded my childhood traumas into the present. Stuff I didn't know existed as that traumatic.

I have a one hour session once a week. We talk for about 20 minutes, then do the EMDR. I'm eager to do it, but I'm also glad to take it slow and let it unfold over time. I get tired after.

I think that wherever you start, you will have a base to go from. Your therapist may have a good idea where to go from what you give her. Good Luck!

 

[GrokkingAmbivert]

Thank you everyone for your feedback! I truly appreciate
About 30 minutes after posting this thread, I began organizing my timeline. I went through about 10 events that were before age 6. Each even was uniquely difficult in it's own way. The Feelings and Self Thoughts attachments were overwhelming and upsetting. I don't know if I am suppose to write about what I how felt at the time or how I feel about them currently. How am I suppose to know what my self thoughts were as a young child?

Example:
My parents knew that I was terrified of strangers. I was specifically scared of male doctors and male themed mascots. There were many incidents when my father would instigate an episode of fear and panic by taking me to a mascot if one was ever around. He always laughed and I hysterically tried to runaway. I felt unsafe. At the time I didn't know my dad was instigating, there is no way I could comprehend that at such a young age. I didn't think about what was wrong with me, but my thoughts were that the mascot was something bad, harmful, and not to be trusted.
*** Now, I feel confused, angry and resentful. I still distrust male mascots, and my I get dizzy every time I see a Santa at the mall.

@Lucycat Which of Shapiro's books did you read? Getting Past Your Past? Glad to hear that EMDR has helped you, and thank you for the suggestions!

@ekane Thank you for the idea, and I plan on utilizing your great suggestion! How long have you been going through EMDR therapy and is it biweekly or weekly? Is it safe to assume that having 2 sessions increases cost? I completely agree with you in regards to the use of multiple therapies! I am a writer, so journaling has been a priceless tool. I went onto NAMI's website to help a friend, but ended up gaining insight on how social therapy could also help in maintenance of my depression and anxiety! I did pretty well with talk therapy, but the therapist said that I needed to go to the next step in my healing by doing EMDR. I feel that talk therapy with EMDR would be extremely beneficial for myself! What other forms of therapy have you partaken in?

@Namenotdiagnosis I am so sorry to hear that your experience with EMDR was so difficult! :( I know everyone is different, but having a trusting, safe relationship with your therapist is essential for everyone, especially PTSD sufferers! I did not go to medical school, and I don't even have my bacheolor's degree, but if a therapist can't remember/follow through in creating a trusting and safe environment for someone who has experienced trauma, well they shouldn't be practicing. Therapists are suppose to be capable of not only listening to their patient's, but also reading them. For you to have to verbalize that she was starting to have any similarity to your abuser is extremely unsettling. I am glad that in the end, the therapy did have its benefits, and I hope that maybe she learned from any mistakes she made during your sessions together. Do you feel comfortable with sharing your brain spotting experience? When I researched, it sounded more intense then EMDR, but I may be wrong. I have been researching so much that I may be confusing some of the types! lol

@seedling The cognition's are very helpful! Thank you so much! Did you come up with them yourself or did the therapist have them prepared for you to review? Do new memories arise after sessions? Why is EMDR tiring? Do you remember the entirety of the session?

 

[ekane]

I'm so glad my suggestion helped!

I have done Emdr at an irregular schedule actually. Some times weekly, biweekly, or even monthly (when I first started I needed more time to cope with what my brain was suddenly processing). I do a lot of art therapy because I'm a natural born artist. Talk therapy has been once or twice each week, and I did a 13-week program of group therapy for sexual abuse and it was one of the best things I could have done. It helps with a lot of PTSD issues to be in a well-run group. At first it's scary to share shameful stories, but that's exactly how healing begins. It was one of the most valuable experiences of my life.

I am planning on trying new therapies in the future as well. With complex PTSD I don't feel satisfied just getting rid of triggers, I want to re-enter the world and be JOYFUL on a frequent basis and that's why I think a multitude of therapies as well as stuff like acupuncture, yoga, and meditation can be an important part of the equation. I will add that I think the ultimate healing point will be when the elimination of toxic and/or mediocre people in ones circle leads to finding a deeply intimate partner, and having only deeply intimate trustworthy friends as well. A relationship which truly loving and emotionally intimate destroys much of the complex shame which I think is the core of cptsd.

 

[seedling]

I want to re-enter the world and be JOYFUL on a frequent basis

Ditto on that for me too.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Thankyou for your reply , my response to your question re emdr and brain spotting would b quite simple, I found the Brain spotting more beneficial because eventually I decided that was the treatment I wanted instead if the emdr that my t kept forcing me to participate in. I felt like I was in control. To be honest not really sure if it worked but just felt better because i had made the descision to go for this therapy as oppose to my t making the choice !!!

 

[seedling]

If you Google "negative cognition list" you will come up with some sites. I found a list like we use in EMDR on the csfpa.org website. It's nice because it has the opposite positive cognition listed with its negative.

I thought Brainspotting sounds like a good treatment but the therapists aren't in my area yet.

@ReaganLove I don't have memories come up after EMDR, I have them fill in during EMDR. For me they become more complete and the emotion in them arises and is eventually processed and it has less impact. After the negative emotion clears, I can get positive emotions and thoughts about what happened. I think of the memory in a different light and I feel it, too, in the more positive way. It doesn't change that I had the negative emotions then, it just makes it in the past, not now. It's like remembering a non-traumatic painful event - oh, yes, it was painful then, but it's just a memory now.

I think EMDR is tiring because it's a physical exertion in the brain (and whole nervous system). I read an article explaining how memories are made up of chemical combinations and each time we bring up a memory the chemicals undo and then redo themselves to store the memory again. I think EMDR makes this process work in overtime. I feel kind of "rearranged" afterwards - not in an unpleasant way, just odd.

@ekane Any kind of treatment that makes this thing let go its hold on me, so much the better.