Emotional flashbacks and disassociation affecting my life

[hopetha2]

I don't think i have ever accepted my p.t.s.d. and have only recently, in the last ten years, learned about my disassociating; getting to know all of my 'parts' with the help of a therapist. This weekend has really been about facing reality; the point being that I will probably never be free of my involuntary reactions and flashbacks, and, to some extent, I will always have other parts with developmentally stunted altar states of consciousness. I had a really crappy week last week, triggered by my boss and involuntarily lashed out at him angrily....with suppressed anger from decades of hurt and pain. What happened? He was freaked out, to say the least. I took a day off as I was sobbing uncontrollably for most of that day after just leaving my work site, and we cleared the air, but there was still tension between us. I found out that he has been worried I could lash out at 'anyone'; which is absolutely untrue. I have been there at this first successful job i have ever had ( i am 50 years old) for almost 3 years now, and have never lashed out. when i got triggered, I just left for the day, after letting someone else know. I have been successful and do a really good job, but it is a struggle each and every day. I meditate and pray before each shift, and try to be grounded, try to get 9 hours of nightly sleep, eat well, avoid sugar; all of the things I know that can help me, but I am still broken inside. I have never given up, thinking that one day maybe I can fully heal, but after last week, I am realizing that my symptoms of fight/ flight episodes may never go away, but maybe I myself need to find better ways of coping. It feels sad to me tonight, because I have always sought to overcome my trauma, but the ramifications of what happened were so devestating to my psyche, that I need to come to an acceptance of what is, and move ahead, learning how to 'cope' with the symptoms, rather than spend my life 'reacting' to my perceived threats and false beliefs. Just thinking out loud tonight, but I didn't want to be alone with this, so I am sharing on it. Thanks, h.

 

[Cheryl Bond]

I don't think i have ever accepted my p.t.s.d. and have only recently, in the last ten years, learned...

Hi,
I'm very sorry you had that unfortunate incident with your boss. I hope things have smoothed over between you both.

I feel for you, and understand how hard it is to deal with the trauma of PTSD & dissasociative disorder. I deal with these things myself.

I want to offer you a little comfort to assure you that it will get better. I am not sure how long you have been in therapy?, but it definitely takes a long time to heal. I have found Gestalt therapy to have been the most helpful. I also have found doing energy work, Reiki, in particular very healing as well. Homeopathic's & essential oils have been a comfort to me. I have done various other forms of healing work as well. I am not sure if you have a pet, but their unconditional love can really be so soothing & healing. I would highly recommend adopting a cat or dog.

There's unfortunately no way around it, it takes what it takes, for as long as it takes as far as healing goes.

I pray for your healing and to find peace. I'm sorry your having to go through all this, I truly understand how difficult it all is!

Peace & Love,
Cheryl

 

[Staying strong]

Ugh.. so sorry for you.. I'm lucky enough to have a Boss and co workers that call me most mornings and ask if Mad Mark or Happy Mark came to work today.. I started the labeling of myself just to give them a heads up if it was gonna be one of those days

 

[talon]

I don't think i have ever accepted my p.t.s.d. and have only recently, in the last ten years, learned...

I supported a lady who had 20 alters i calling them family. The youngest was a teething baby then two 2 yr olds they were the historians young teens older teens and adults of either sex. After 2 yrs only 2 alters remained. A 2yr old child and a male 21 yr old. I encouraged them to communicate online or by leaving notes. I acted as the go between to explain to each part where they were and reassured them with regards to their fears and worries