Emotional maturity and the bittersweet gift of healing

[SoulSeeker]

Hey everyone,

I've been feeling frustrated with people lately because while trying to connect to them, I often feel disconnection stemming from a sense of unequal levels of emotional maturity between them and me.

Because of my CPTSD and my naturally inquisitive and introspective temperament, I've done a lot of inner work, I've learned a lot about myself and how people work. I've had so much to work on socially because I was isolated and raised by immature parents, I had to rebuild all of this and through my own personal learning and therapy I've acquired lots of tools and knowledge that many people didn't have to acquire. I'm not perfect of course, and I don't want to sound judgmental or superior but when I meet people, I often struggle with them not meeting me at the same emotional level. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to them too because I tend to see through the bullshit so to speak, I see through defensive mechanisms and other attempts to avoid their shadow side. I see people clearly and it's a bit of a curse. They feel seen and of course it's uncomfortable. I also I'm very honest with myself, which can put pressure on them to meet me at the same level of authenticity.

This frustration is also probably in part caused by years of masking to fit in and to please others, now that I'm trying to not do that anymore, connection feels more tedious and I may not fully know how to do it. Being authentic is great but can make you feel very alone since it's quite a powerful filter of compatibility.

I'm curious to know if you can relate.

 

[arfie]

empathy, seeker. learning how to connect with others is no small feat after years of relying on isolation as a defense mechanism.

I've done a lot of inner work, I've learned a lot about myself and how people work.

learning about myself is one of the great bennies of inner work, but i trip myself every time i believe inner work teaches me about other people. learning about myself does not give me the power to read other peoples inner workings,

Being authentic is great but can make you feel very alone since it's quite a powerful filter of compatibility.

in my own case, the loneliness stems from my habits of isolating. being both authentic and connected is far easier when i take others as authentic, as well. we don't need matching EQs (emotional quotient) and life experience to connect.

 

[Movingforward10]

No I don't feel like that because I have zero expectations from most people. I am also guarded and private about who I let in to my inner sanctum.

The people I choose to have in my life match my emotional maturity and values and ways of seeing the world.

Everyone else, I don't need that level of connection with them. And I don't feel the need for them to relocate what I think is my level of emotional intelligence.
.I also don't think I'm beyond growth and learning. So I am evolving all the time.

I wonder if it's less about emotional intelligence but something else? Like your interpretation of authenticity and expectations from people?