Poll Empathy And You

[freakofnurture]

This is really interesting. I'd have expected a lot more symmetry in the distribution of votes; a lot more people who don't connect.

 

[EloiseLandau]

Bell curves...at least we're average about something

 

[Philippa]

Just found this now. It's an interesting topic.

For me, I remember my empathy was a lot more...naturally occurring before my trauma, and after I was sexually assaulted, I had trouble empathizing with men in particular...I just hated them, and I hated that I hated them all, but I did.

I used to have a much harder time shutting off empathy before my trauma, and after, when I started my journey into recovery, I think I was just too numb to my own feelings, and too caught up in daily reality being so harsh and fighting off urges to hurt myself, that I just wasn't capable of feeling anything for anyone, or even appreciating anything about anyone else.

I once prided myself on being able to appreciate everyone, and then suddenly it was as though they were all just characters in a video game like pac man and I was the pac-man trying not to be eaten by the jelly creatures.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that my ability for empathy has changed at different times, and so has my ability to control it, turn it off consciously. I used to take on other peoples physical pain, especially when giving massages, and that seems to not be the case anymore, so maybe I'm gotten better at turning it off?

I feel glad now that I can actually have empathy for people at certain times. It makes me feel human again. I didn't have that for a long time. Even when the world trade centre came down, it was like it was so far away and all that mattered was my own survival. I know that sounds self-centred, to an extreme degree, but I was really traumatized at that time, and I just couldn't expose myself to any other tragedies going on. I didn't have the resources to deal with it, and as I said, it seemed so surreal to me, and I felt so alienated at the time...I just didn't feel anything, except bad, like I was uncaring for not caring.

I did realize that I just had to shut down at the time, for my own survival.

I still had the normal shock reaction when it happened, and I do recall being able to guess how the people jumping out the windows "must have" felt, but I didn't actually feel them!

 

[Philippa]

I actually voted wrong.:oops:

I recalled after I voted times when I do connect easily to people, and feel what they are feeling. Usually they are people I spend time getting to know though...I don't just connect to everyone I meet.

 

[freakofnurture]

I had trouble empathizing with men in particular

Up until I got to know my husband, I didn't even think that male humans were able of feeling anything other than hate, anger and disgust.

I think you're right in that we shut down emotionally in order to protect ourselves, one from having to deal with other people's emotions on top of our own, and two from the idea that the people who hurt us were actual human beings like ourselves. It just gets a number of degrees more f*cked up to think that abusers are actually capable of love but so twisted on the inside that they are also capable of doing severely hateful things.

 

[Red Feather]

I was not sure to vote for 4 or 3. I used to be a big 5. That was torture for me. I am much better with my boundaries, but I think it can still happen. So I voted 4. It really depends on who I am having to deal with. It's much harder to interact with dominant people and male authority figures.

 

[Philippa]

Yes, so true. It's easy to hate, but much harder to accept or love when we know that they are mainly acting from their own patterns and dysfunction, unconsciously transferred onto us. It doesn't make it better to know that, in fact it can make it worse in some ways.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I can empathize with other people and regulate it. I have had alot of practice in this area. I think I'm one of 3 votes. Interesting topic.

 

[Bubba]

I'm #4 - but I clicked the wrong option. I do connect and usually I get completely overwhelmed and end up numbing / or shutting down. We actually thought I had Aspergers, because I tend to numb myself too much. I cry easily and absolutely hate it.

 

[Sing2me]

I chose others because I can tell how others are feeling and even feel their pain but they have no idea that I even know.

 

[Chrissyy]

I said 2, but I'm in between 2 and 4 depending on the situation, but 3 doesn't fit.

Lots of situations don't make sense to me, but I understand how the person must feel, and I always want to help them, and it does affect me. Then I shut down once I can't deal with it anymore.

 

[Estacia]

I am between three and four.