Empathy, Stupidity, And Anger

[WillyKat]

Every now and then I’m walking along and whack…I realize something important.

I’ve always disliked people that lack empathy. Empathy means the “ability to recognize the emotions and feelings of others with a minimal distinction between self and other.” I realized that for most of my life, I equated this lack of empathy with stupidity.

It isn’t a lack of knowledge, or a lack of education, or really even a lack of intelligence. I mean people that couldn’t see when someone was hurting inside, couldn’t tell when they caused someone pain. It always got me really angry. You know the type. You can even yell at them and tell them how much damage they cause and they don’t get it; they look back at you expressionless. It took me until two years ago to realize that what I was really dealing with was people that lack empathy.

The other day I’m out for a walk and it hits me: it’s not so much that I dislike stupid people, it’s that I’m frightened of them. Sexual abusers lack empathy. There’s a lot more wrong with them than just that, but never developing empathy to begin with (between ages 1.5 to 4) can be a foundation for worse to come. When I even think about people that lack empathy, I get triggered. Then I get angry.

This can even happened when I’m listening to the news, or even when I’m watching a movie that I know is fiction. That’s why I get so pissed off when I watch the news and when I watch the wrong movie.

Can anyone else out there that can relate to this.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

I don't like people without empathy either. I usually experience non-empathetic people from the "smart" side, though—higher education, degress, or equivalent. It's amazing how cruel they can be—with an added touch of arrogance and insistance that they are completely rational beings, while everyone else is irrational and undeserving of consideration.

Anyways, stupidity is way too wide a net to cast when you look at human behavior. It's an epithet -- not an explanation.

 

[mary1979]

Yep.

I've made it my lifes mission to try ALWAYS to put myself in the other persons shoes and understand their point of view.

And I too look at the lack of that ability as stupidity (emotional intelligence is even now measured similar to IQ)

The news is one that can send me right off.
I LOATHE it and avoid at all costs.

Presenter: 12,000 people died in a volcanic eruption and 25 million lost their homes.
Images of devastation, personal views of women crying in the street, presenting their grief to the world.

Presenter: In other news, didn't Kate Winslet look great in her new kimono on the red carpet

Are you kidding me?
How are these events comparable?
And wtf has some celebs dress got to do with the world news anyway?

I def feels you

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Child sexual preditors I wont say what I think should happen to them.

Folks that lack empathy, such as NPD or severe Atrachment Disorder (the documentry and then movie called Child Of Rage) can be taught and I dont hate them as most times its not their fault.

Psycopaths and Sociopaths are uncapable of feeling empathy. I dont know if I hate them so much as I am very afraid of what they can do. This is the catigory of most serial killers etc.

I dont know, I have mixed feelings. I fear them, i try my best to not hate but thats hard when speaking of those that dont care they hurt you.

The news i dont watch, i cant. I read the news as there isnt videos of mayhem and people screaming at each other.

Movies and shows; thats hard as I watch shows that remind me of crime and i know its fictional but somewhere something like that could of happened to someone.

I think we need to censor what we watch. If we cant handle crime shows/movies/news and it makes us very angry and/or triggers us, we would be better to not watch it. You know?

 

[Ava Jarvis]

I agree with @lostforgottensoul on not watching stuff that makes us angry or triggers us.

Like, I understand the urge to keep getting triggered, but we can't exposure therapy everything all at once.

At some point we have to take care of ourselves, and it is totally ok to not watch the news etc. Lots of people without PTSD also don't watch the news. The news just isn't healthy a lot of the time.

 

[WillyKat]

I understand too that lack of empathy is something that develops in children from about 18 months to four years old. In really dysfunctional environment, they don't get it. It isn't their fault. So when those moments come when I feel that predators should be done away with, I then think that we're also doing away with their inner child.

Still, from the research I've done, there doesn't seem to be much success with reforming predators. They are serial criminals and most start right up after they get arrested. Besides, who would want the job of helping them reform? How can we subject people with the work of reforming predators, or for that matter, guarding them to make sure they don't do it again? Life is not good for prison guards; its very bad for their own mental health. Imagine what it must be like for the therapists and shrinks that have to work with them.

These are really difficult questions, so its ok to not have answers here.

I agree with those about killing one's television though. I once had the idea of charging people a fee to take part in firing squads where the condemned was a TV. I bet it would work. For a modest fee, you get to execute a TV and in turn receive a video of the execution to enjoy later in life.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think that lack of empathy comes just from really dysfunctional environments.

I've known people from good homes who are empathy-clueless and IMHO it's because of a sterile white-bread kind of home they grew up in with nothing bad ever really happening to them or those they know. I mean in the worst that has ever happened to someone in the first 18 years of life is akin to stubbing a toe, how can they even possibly be able to tap into the deeper emotions of others who have gone through major devastation?-----I really don't think they can.

 

[Whyteferret]

People with Autistic Spectrum Disorder can lack understanding of social cues and may not have empathy in the same ways others do. A friend's son has ASD. If you're hurt or feel sad and you say "ow" he responds. But he won't recognize things on his own. He's not always sure how to respond though

Sociopaths have no empathy or conscience. They can't be "fixed."

There's also too much empathy. You take on another's pain or emotions.
.i think it's on a continuum not just yes or no

 

[WillyKat]

Definitely on a continuum. And I've worked with a guy that had Asberger's syndrome, which I believe is in the autistic spectrum. Definitely not much feeling there. I should have been more careful; its not just dysfunctional homes.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

People with Autistic Spectrum Disorder can lack understanding of social cues and may not have empathy in the same ways others do.

I was just thinking about autisim. Yes, another example of 'not their fault'.

Certianly a wide scale of reasons one would lack empathy as well as have too much.

 

[oneday]

I

I don't think that lack of empathy comes just from really dysfunctional environments.

I've know...

I so much agree I know a person who has virtually zero empathy I believe simply because they have had an unbelievably easy life. A recent example from real life... When a friend of mine was offloading to this person about being alone and struggling to cope after having been with 3 abusive spouses during their life, having financial trouble, they had lost most of their hours at work, were having anxiety attacks, had elderly parents verbally abusing them, had a child reject them, and had health problems. They were told "yes...I know BUT everyone experiences problems I had my hot water service pack up and my plumbing needed fixing just when I thought I was getting ahead with my savings for my next holiday" REALLY?? Hows that for empathy!! ps sorry for the vent but I suggest stay away from people like this, these type of people can do something to fix their empathy by just stopping to think and develop a bit of compassion, instead of just thinking about themselves. Some have disorders that mean they cant but others are quite capable of stopping to show some consideration.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I think often that inability to be empathic lies with how people are raised, but not always. Good attachments with parents - especially mother, is important I think.