Ever Homeless, Begging?

[Pakadlangitok]

Two years ago i had no place to go because I had to leave my home. I stayed with a friend but almost started to beg because I was not making it.

I am at that place again. I have a home, but I cannot work. It is funny to me that I have SO much shame but not about begging.

I don't know why I am not afraid to do it now, not ashamed. Kind of like, "Yes, here I am . It is me, indeed. I am a lost broken soul and I am not faking it."

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((Pakadlangitok))):hug:
NO one here will think you are faking it!!! Who would fake the pain that you are in? Your soul is injured and crying, and I wish I had more than words to help you! PLEASE don't give up...every day is a new day.

I KNOW about shame! It is a VILE and UGLY feeling that won't leave us alone, and sticks to us like sweat, coming from the inside and it won't wash off!

Have you applied for assistance? Do you have a doctor or therapist? Maybe a mental health clinic? They have lots of resources...

PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE! HERE, you are in the company of friends who understand! PLEASE don't give up, or give in!

Blessings and prayers sent your way!
AKJ

 

[Pakadlangitok]

(((Pakadlangitok))):hug:
NO one here will think you are faking it!!! Who would fake the pain th...

THank you, Angel! Your words touched me a lot. I don't think begging will be as bad as filling out 30 pages for food stamps. I did that once and they called me and yelled at me because my bank transferred $200 into a new account because they were closing all those kinds of accounts.

She yelled at me 20 minutes "WHO gave you that money? Why didn't you report it??" etc.

I called the bank and they explained. I called back the Food stamps and told her and gave her the name of the lady. She said,
"No! I don't need to talk to her but DON"T let it happen again!" WHAT??!!!!!!

Shame shame shame

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

THank you, Angel! Your words touched me a lot. I don't think begging will be as bad as filling out...

I agree about filling out all the paperwork! It's horrible! That woman had NO business being harsh with you AT ALL!!! I remember the shame of having to tell them that I couldn't work because I was falling apart...you deserve COMPASSION AND EMPATHY!

It is my opinion, regarding early childhood abuse, that we weren't able to voice our pain, or even put thoughts together as to what was going on...in the early years...how do we make sense of what CANNOT MAKE SENSE???

 

[Justmehere]

Damn... I'm so sorry you are going through this and dealing with horrible people like that.

You are trying to survive. Zero shame in asking for help to survive. What about a gofundme account to see if anyone is willing to donate to help you get by?

 

[VioletButterfly]

I've not begged, but I did have to go to a food pantry when I lost my housing and had to stay in someone's garage for a few months when I was unemployed. I sat there in my little secretarial outfit (had just started working as a temp), next to families at a pantry, feeling shame like I'd never felt before. My mind was racing in horrific looping circles with everything damning you could think of about me and my situation and how I was taking food away from these people who really needed it. It's horrible and so unfair what our minds do to us in these dire situations. I needed the food. You need to sustain yourself. So, what else are we to do?

I would offer, if that's okay, that seeing as you are in the States, many towns/cities have organizations which have food pantries. There are many non profit organizations and churches in my county and I went to one of those. I believe you do have to give them a bit of information for tracking purposes, but it's certainly not the government or it's food stamp program. That sounded horrible!

Hoping you find some workable answers to your dilemma and that you can find it in your heart to accept where you're at right now and let go of the shame. We all face adversity and deal with it the best way we can. There is no shame in trying and no shame in asking for help. VB

 

[Pakadlangitok]

I've not begged, but I did have to go to a food pantry when I lost my housing and had to stay i...

You said, " My mind was racing in horrific looping circles with everything damning you could think of about me and my situation " WOW! That about hit it. Raging and racing. Truly I see the people begging and they seem to have less shame than I do now. I have a lot of good signs to make. I am not sad about doing it, just resigned. I will be around people who are like me and maybe that is why i want to do it.

I will be around people who know what suffering is and have stopped going around in circles. I am there too.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Friday]

Yep. :)

As with most things, the first time is the hardest.