Everyone Please Read!!!

[lostforgottensoul]

I can't constructively criticise you in any posts in the future.

This isnt true at all. Read the thread example i posted, i take in ALL opinions and i take constructive crisism well, what i dont take well is "thread hijacking" words or "dont post some much because we dont want to read all of that". As long as its constuctive, i take it well or i wouldnr be able to have worked in a call center enviroment since i was 18.

My reasoning for the post, and what annoys me is having to repeat myself over and over, was to just simply say im not gonna shorten my posts because thats helping me the best.

This thread is titled everyone please reasd, the word and please reply isnr in there. It was a statement and nothing else.

Now when you make the conclusion that @FridayJones did in their first few sentenses, taking what i said completelt out of context is not a good idea but still taken well, i did correct it.

I wasnt saying let me say whatever and you guys can shut, i was saying if my posts annoy you then go ahead and block me now or shut up about how long they are.

But now im back to my same conclusion, if no one gets what im saying and now people are afraid to challenege my way of thinking then way stay here?

very symptomatic and I basically told everyone in the forum to go f*ck themselves

I have never nor would i ever think or state that so you are missing the entire reason for the thread. I dont tell you how or how much or little to post so stop telling me that; thats it. The rest was explaining why it helps me. Actually without the replies im back to a diary and that doesnr help me at all.

Or is it a bit of practice for the moments I need to stand up for myself?

Well thats what im currently doing and i thought it was good practice (and still do) but if it causes the replies ive been getting then my conclusion is back to is rhis really rhe best place for me?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Like you said Link Removed you've had great progress lately. This doesn't change or stop that, & won't stop that. It takes a lot out of me when I have progress, too. Maybe just digest that progress a bit, & help it gel.

I may take a break but i havent yet because talking and reading hasnt made it worse; people being annoyed 2 nights in a row that i post a lot has and think they have a right to state for all as a whole and to ask me to change what works for me, due my "annoying posts" plus the replies and the conversation back and forth is whats working, im not gonna change that.

This thread was a statement, nothing more or less and an explaination and though triggered, i think i kept my head well and didnt tail spin until the replies started to come in.

I still dont get why people feel they have a right to tell me how to and how much or little to post. I wouldnt even think of saying the same thing to others.

I havent asked for NO critisim but i have asked (not directed at you) for more gentle words than "thread hijacking" and "you're annoying everyone" as those words are triggering and harsh and i wouldnt ever say those sort of words to others.

 

[candor]

Hi as you probably know I am new at posting here. I am really touched by the responses here. They all seem to come from a good place. @lostforgottensoul Forgive me for jumping in as I have not really read the post that provoked all this. You have all the right in the world to tell people how you want them to talk to you. In fact, you should. It does mean that we will get the respect we ask for but at least we did what we should. I like you write a lot. I know that people will more often skip a long post than read it but when I am soothing myself I can't seem to help myself. I will stop here cause I want to practice keeping it short. I hope you might change your mind about belonging here or being wanted. It helps me to think of comments as observed facts and not criticisms. It is really hard to hear the intended tone in a post, don't you agree?

 

[scout86]

I sure wish we had a superlative like button because I'd use it for "outsider's" post.:clown::clown:

Personally, I don't care how long your posts are. If I want to read the whole thing I will. If I don't, I won't and I, for one don't need anyone else telling me that.

i take in ALL opinions and i take constructive crisism well, what i dont take well is "thread hijacking" words or "dont post some much because we dont want to read all of that".

Has it occurred to you that those items might have been intended as "constructive criticisms"? Because I kind of think they were. I've missed a lot of this (because I wanted to), so I don't know all the perceived offenses. (and don't care). In the thread on attachment issues, I don't know that you actually went off topic exactly. What you DID do, from my perspective, was make the whole thing about you and your experiences. Which were, no doubt, horrific. But other people had experiences too. Some of them were probably worse than you know. Part of the point of this community is to be heard. But that also means someone has to listen. Best of all possible worlds we ALL listen when we can. When we can't, maybe we just shut up enough that someone else gets a word in edgewise. And that that person feels respected. The attachment thread started out as a topic I was interested in. I read along for awhile. But it quickly got to the point where it was obvious to me that my own experiences didn't rise to the level of being bad enough for me to have a right to get involved in the conversation. Ok, THAT is "my problem". I do that. I don't exactly know when it's a reasonable thing to do and when it's not. You, and the rest of the gang, are in no way responsible for looking out for that. But, in the interest of helping you, potentially, see how your behavior impacts others, I'm telling you that you can, and do, have that effect.

The thing about a diary is it's SUPPOSED to be about YOU. Totally, And the people who drop by to visit tend to be people who like you, and who feel some kind of connection with you. It looks to me like there are a LOT of people here who'd probably drop in if you had one. The danger in trying, maybe, is that you might find out you're wrong.

Hey @FridayJones , wanna go get a cup a coffee? :clown::clown::clown:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Personally, I don't care how long your posts are. If I want to read the whole thing I will. If I don't, I won't and I, for one don't need anyone else telling me that.

Thank you! All im asking.

But, in the interest of helping you, potentially, see how your behavior impacts others, I'm telling you that you can, and do, have that effect.

Thank you for pointing that out as that wasnt my intention, AT ALL. Actually i dont even see my past as bad let alone worse than others. All along i thought that i was just having a conversation. Anyone at any point could have, without using harsh words or even hint that i shouldnt be posting there because i dont "fit" the topic, advise me that i am seeming to be posting off topic and maybe to take it to messages. I would have done that. And i know Chava was trying to but she also was telling me that (or how i perceieved it) i didnt fit the attachment disorder "mold" and kept stating things of 0 - 5 and i post about all ages. Not sure why its hard to say, hey lost, it seems this thread has gone off of the orginal topic, can you guys take the conversation to messages? Sure.

The thing about a diary is it's SUPPOSED to be about YOU.

I get that but what i tend to gain from threads that you dont get much of if at all in diaries is replies, and a lot of them; as thats the challeneging my own way of thinking from others that im missing in my real life. The "have you thought of it this way" or "you really do matter, loved, have value" etc.

I post my intro in most replies so that people understand i do know how they feel, think etc or to help people understand where my thinking comes from (its not for sympathy). And someone pointed out in real life conversations "my husband hurt my feelings.." i turn the conversation towards me, not even knowing im doing it, in an effort i think to let the person know that i understand because of XYZ. I became conscience of it, tried not to do it (though slip back i think at times) but had no clue i was doing that here. And if someone had stated i was doing that, in public or messages, i would have been more aware and conscience of it in later posts, as i will now.

Actually talking about my past doesnt work, its the countering replies to my way of thinking being pounded into me that causing the movement, thus why i have started a diary.

Thank you for this reply. Now i hope that the person that stated i cant take constuctive crisitim sees that i can when it doesnt use dramatic you did this and that wording.

Im going to read and maybe reply to the orher indiviudal but then id much like to get back to constutive conversation on here.

Thank you again as this is a very good example of constructive feedback rather than destructive!

 

[scout86]

And i know Chava was trying to but she also was telling me that (or how i perceieved it) i didnt fit the attachment disorder "mold"

My therapist says that "communication is what the hearer hears, not what the speaker intends". And, a lot of times it's hard to know what the hearer hears. Unless they tell you, and then you kind of have to listen to them.

As far as whether or not you "fit" the other conversation. It seems like of unlikely that a family that was in a Satanic cult by the time you were 6 (or what ever age it was) would have provided you with anything remotely resembling a "normal" first few years. I think it's pretty unusual for someone to just wake up one day and decide "Hey! I think I'll join a Satanic cult today, and drag the rest of the family with me." I'm pretty sure you "fit in" with the conversation.

I don't know that @Chava thought that you didn't. Here's the thing about this forum. You can actually ask that kind of question here without getting your head bit off. (Usually anyway!) So, what ever you felt like she was trying to tell you? You can just ask "Hey, do you mean....what ever?". (I don't know if you needed to hear that or not. LOL I know I tend to keep forgetting. It's such a simple concept and yet so easy to over look. This is an awesomely good place practice that kind of stuff.)

And someone pointed out in real life conversations "my husband hurt my feelings.." i turn the conversation towards, not even knowing im doing it, in an effort i think to let the person know that i understand because of XYZ.

I can follow that line of reasoning. And, I tend to illustrate my point with stories (A LOT!). Sometimes it's more useful than others. As far as demonstrating you understand someone's feelings goes? First, maybe you DON'T? Just sayin'. Maybe it's not safe to assume that you DO know how they feel. I've found there are lots of times I THINK I understand and I'm actually way off. (And my T laughs and says "You really DON'T get how other people look at this stuff, do you?") So, sometimes it works better to ask them questions that give them a chance to elaborate on their own feelings and thoughts. Something as simple as "Your husband hurt your feelings? How did that happen?"

 

[lostforgottensoul]

it seems you are attention seeking

That cant be further from the truth and thats all im going to say about that.

 

[shimmerz]

Lost, it is a bit of an adjustment to fit in with a new community. They all have their own culture. This one is no different.

It feels to me that you are asking (or by the title of this thread demanding) that people listen to you. Lots of people with developmental trauma have this. But the thing is - the very thing you are demanding, you are refusing to give to others. "I am going to post what I want when I want how I want" is NOT cool.

If you want to support others then you must be aware of their needs. Just like you are wanting your needs known. And they are trying to say to you that a post by someone else should NOT be about your story. that is a basic need in this community. Also a very important one.

So are you going to insist that we all accept your way or is it possible to see beyond yourself here? There are many good and kind people here. Are you really going to throw that all away because you don't want to hear what others are trying to help you with to respect community niceties here?

Thread hijacking is a common term on forums. Is it possible that you are reacting to it in some way where others wouldn't?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Just sayin'. Maybe it's not safe to assume that you DO know how they feel. I've found there are lots of times I THINK I understand and I'm actually way off.

Maybe that was bad wording. Its my attempt to let them know that i could understand why they deel or think XYZ after they've already told me. I certianly dont assume what others feel or think (except when it comes to feeli g and thinking bad things about me; issue from my past) but its after they have aleeady explain. And yes, i do it a lot too AND have no clue in an effort to try to show empathy and understanding, turn it onto myself. In other words im not doing it on purpose (and i think others may percieve i am) and have no idea im even doing it intil someone points it out to me. But this site is for learning, growing, and healing; right? So ita a learning experience and if im thinking correcly, not just for myself.

 

[shimmerz]

It may well not be attention seeking but it is drama. Everyone, when used indiscriminately is drama-esq.

You aren't here to teach others lessons. You are learning to be focussed on helping yourself finally.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Lost, it is a bit of an adjustment to fit in with a new community. They all have their own culture. T...

Read @scout86's reply and my reply back and then re-reply if you would like. I now see what i was doing wihout realizing it i was doing it and will be aware now. But though i aware and conscience of it, someone telling you that everyone is annoyed that you post too much is a bit destructive.

This site is for learning, growing, healing. I have learned.

Oh out respect to you and myself, im leaving that there.

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG I think it's just me- or is it ptsd?- my head is drowning in text. And somewhere it fees like gaslighting is going on?

Please @lostforgottensoul post as you wish. What do feel is threatened here by others? They really are trying to help, trust me.